Fancy dress party at 13

[freezethat]

It’s going to be DDs 13th birthday in a few weeks.

We moved at the start of the year and she still hasn’t really made any proper friends. She gets on with and is friendly with lots of people though.

We are going to do a big party and invite all the people she’s friendly with ( probably about 50/60 kids)

She wants it to be a disco / 70s theme fancy dress.

Dsd (15) has said it’s a terrible idea and that she’s too old for fancy dress, either nobody will come or they won’t dress up and she will get laughed at.

AIBU to throw a fancy dress party for 13 year olds? Would your kids not want to go or think that was embarrassing?

Then she doesn’t have people who will be complicit in the fancy dress aspect. How would she feel if she was the only one dressed up? Or if nobody came because FD puts a barrier up to people who may have come if it was easier.

It’s a pain the arse because people can’t afford outfits and not like teens can just cobble together an outfit. Drop the fancy dress do 70s decorations. I’m not sure teens will relate to the theme though .

I also wouldn’t let my 13 year old girl go to a house party with that many people esp if there would be boys there. There is no way you can supervise them all safely.

Agree with DSD. You don’t want to do anything that will ostracise her when you’re new to the area and she’s finding her feet. Listen to the 15 yo who understands what teens do and don’t want. Fancy dress is great for young children and some older teens enjoy it as a laugh at Halloween parties but that’s it.

Listen to the 15yo! 70s isn't even a cool theme - you might get away with something like sports or K-pop but the whole plan needs a rethink IMO. What about a few smaller events with different groups?

To get the most people coming you need to remove any barriers that could put them off - and a specific theme they might not like, or having to purchase an outfit could do that

Mine liked fancy dress in primary, then only at Halloween, then again when they hit 16/17

You could buy or hire a load of accessories that people could do selfies with - wigs, hats, inflatable instruments etc.

Have you thought about music/food?

Budget?

It’s lovely you are willing to do this to try and help her social circle grow

Can she ask around at school - what would be your idea of a brilliant party? Answers could be interesting!

Other thing to note is many may be away in school holidays so might not get as many there. Also does she have contacts for them all if she won’t be at school with them just before the party?

If she’s struggling to get a core group of friends together, a party is a bad idea. You need to go with a smaller number. Either round yours for pizza and film or go bowling/cinema/ice skating. This could be majorly embarrassing for her if you invite 60 teens and only a few show up. At 13 they are too young for a proper teen party and too old for the sort of primary school get together that you have parents at. I’m presuming your house and garden are massive if you are prepared to have 60 teens running wild who you don’t even know that well.

To even consider being responsible for that many young teens, you're a lot braver than me!
Having a 13 year old myself, I agree with others that A) fancy dress will put them off and B) they are that in between age where they are too old for big primary school like parties, but too young for them to be "proper" parties.
Personally I would suggest something a bit more interesting to their age group with a much smaller group of friends. Maybe a few different things with different friend groups, so your daughter can still branch out, but spend time with a smaller group and hopefully create some more secure friendships.

I think fancy dress is risky, it might be cool at Halloween/mean girls vibes but it also might really put kids off coming and 13 is a tricky age for a party in general (too old for kids parties, too young for ragers). 70s definitely not a winner either. What does your dd actually want/think though, as I would also not want to go against her too much - could you disco "theme" with some mirror balls without saying fancy dress. I'd imagine at 13 she has a good idea of what a good party is like and which of the people she knows best. I do think if she moved at the beginning of the year she must have some smaller groups more approaching friendships - who does she have lunch with, or sit next to in lessons? The 13 yr olds I know have chosen the below parties;

• at home pamper party and sleepover
• bowling and arcades
• city trip with some money given to each for shopping
• hiring a hot tub

All small groups given a fair bit of freedom because they're a close little group who are all known quantities

I've not really heard of 13 yr olds having big parties because adults don't really want them left alone/unsupervised completely but they're too old for primary style parties. I'd say home alone/classic party-parties kicked off at late 14 early 15. I'd not let my 13 yr old girl go to a 50 person mixed gender party at a house I don't know, with parents I don't know, invited by a child she isn't actually friends with and who I've never met - that sounds risky to me as an invitee - I'd be worried about drinking/sex type behaviour tbh especially if it's the year group where some will be 14 in Sept/Oct. You'd need rules on bedrooms, alcohol etc etc. Appreciate it was fine as an end of primary thing but 11 yr olds and 13-14 year olds are WILDLY different and they mature at v different levels at that age, so your dd may seem quite young/responsible but won't reflect the full range of kids that age (slightly easier/less of a worry if she is 13 in September and everyone is younger but still a potential concern).

My 13 yo has no clue about the 70' and wouldn't bother. And I wouldn't be thrilled to throw money after it.

Dressing up her own way? Oh yes happily!

I think a party is a really bad idea. She’s not going to get to know people at a party, if people come they will just hang about in their usual groups.

I think 13 might be that middle age where they maybe do feel too cool for fancy dress.

Younger it’s fun, then at uni fancy dress is a regular occurrence. 12-16 they probably just roll their eyes.

My child is 13 and would not go to a 70s theme, but probably would with the festival type approach as you can go for it or just dress as normal! I think your 15 year old is probably right in fairness.

I think you’re very brave to invite dozens of strange teenagers to party in your home!! I remember one of the large parties when I was 13 which was quite notorious for what everyone got up to… I hadn’t attended & was a very young 13; I remember being shocked at hearing about what had gone on but obviously pretended not to be!

Personally I just really wouldn’t do it.
I know your DD wants a big party but as the new girl who doesn’t really know anyone, she may be a little naive as to the reality of what the other kids can be like out of school?
As well as obviously alcohol there’s the risk of kids bringing drugs & even carrying knives.

Agree, you risk planning a huge event and only handful of people turning up. Which would be just awful.

I think 70s is the wrong choice. Do a 13th festival. Festival clothing is pretty easy and teenage friendly. Or neon disco and just get some glow in the dark glasses, glow sticks and face paint and set up a little table that they can pick up a pair of glasses and get their face painted in neon festively type dots around the eyes. Both simple people will participate and grown up it’s not baby fancy dress.

As a parent I would not take a 13 year old to a big party at the home of a classmate my child barely knows let alone one which requires some expense / hassle in cobbling together an outfit for a theme that means nothing to my child. Sorry OP, this isn’t going to work - I can just imagine the WhatsApp group of kids “have you had an invite to the lame party of that new girl…..”

not sure if this has been suggested, but I would amend slightly to ‘festival’ theme which I think is more open and note that fancy dress is optional on invite, but hype up your daughter on her personal outfit choice which can be more 70s. You could have activity stations like tie dye to break the ice but not too much ‘forced fun’ (I.e no obligation to activities)

Wow, people are being really negative about the party - I think it’s a great idea! Especially if it’s at home and you don’t have to worry about filling a venue etc. She may not have the chance to get to know them at the party, but that’s potentially more parties etc she could get invited to as a return.

But I do agree about fancy dress, don’t overcomplicate it. Remove any barriers that could put them off attending xx