Do parents think about the repercussions of sending their poorly child to nursery etc?

[Babycatsmummy]

Currently sat waiting to be admitted to the children’s ward with my 4 week old baby and I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable here!

If you can clearly see you have an unwell child, why would you send them to nursery/childcare? I appreciate some parents have to work and it’s difficult to let your employer down but do people actually consider the domino effect?

my 2 year old came home 4 weeks ago the night before I was due for a c-section and started projectile vomiting all night. When I cane out with the baby 24 hours later, he was then taken to A&E with his breathing and stayed in to be treated for bronchitis. a week later he was back to his normal self.

Then on Saturday he developed a cough and cold. Sunday projectile diarrhoea and Monday again his breathing was awful. Trip to the GP and he’s been prescribed antibiotics, steroids and aerobiotics.

then my baby started to become unwell and last night we had to take him A&E where we are waiting to be admitted.

in the last 4 months we’ve had tonsillitis twice, chicken pox, hand foot and mouth and D&V!

the childminder sends out a newsletter and puts in big bold letters “ please do not send your child in if they are ill” and I’m constantly getting messages apologising because some parent has yet again decided to mark their child’s illness with calpol for a few hours!

I know children get ill quickly when so young because they are building their immune systems but are some parents really that selfish?!

I've worked in childcare for 20 years and there is most definitely parents that can only see their own immediate bubble and situation eg if I don't send the wee one in to nursery I need to call in sick. This is the third time I've called in sick this month. I won't get paid etc

There are also the parents that have been mentioned above. The chancers. Oh they were bouncing on the bed this morning/had to much cake at a birthday party/it's just phlegm sick from a cough they have had. There is many, many more excuses.

Then there is the ones that try to cover their tracks but their savvy four year old rats them out by announcing they were sick before nursery or had Calpol.

Unfortunately in MY experience the honest parents are few and far between.

It's shit. I don't have much more to say about it other than I think the exclusion periods need to be reviewed. It's shit for the parents that are honest and are constantly having to juggle caring for their child and work. It's shit for the staff that have to add deep cleaning to their already heavy workload and they also run the risk of catching everything.

I hope your baby recovers quickly but buckle up you will have years of this to come unfortunately

In an ideal world we could all cancel work at the drop of a hat and not have to worry about how we are going to keep a roof over our heads.

I think as others have said you are missing the point that kids won't have symptoms but be ill and will therefore go into nursery and unknowingly spread germs.

And while your circumstances were indeed tough, this would be no different when you kid goes to school and there are germs galore.

The vast majority of illness is contagious before you get symptoms so a parent wouldn't know they are sending their child in potentially spreading things.
99% of the time if my child had come home sick from nursery, they went in with nothing being wrong with them other than a little clingy. I can't keep my child off every time they are a little clingy.
The 1% is a 'it appears to jus the a cold' scenario. and I'm a cautious parent.

I disagree with sending an obviously sick child to childcare, mainly for their benefit as it’s not nice to be in a loud chaotic environment when they are unwell. They just need to be at home with their parent caring for them. However the fact is that loads of illnesses are most contagious when symptoms aren’t even present - chickenpox for example. And other viruses too. Obviously a child with d&v, high temp, obviously unwell and lethargic shouldn’t go in but it won’t always stop illnesses spreading. It’s just not possible.

You sound like you’ve had a dreadful run of luck and it must be especially hard with a new baby but it isn’t necessarily anyone’s fault.

I’ve had 4 operations including 2 sections and not once was I advised to take my children out of nursery or school and I don’t know anyone else who does either.

its not realistic or practical

You’re obviously having a hard time and I hope your children feel better soon.
most of the things you describe are contagious before symptoms and I’m guessing your child attended before their symptoms appeared and will have passed it on to others too. The childminder shouldn’t be accepting any children with
symptoms or should ring parents if they show symptoms.
if you are worried then the only solution is to keep your child off (and away from soft play/ other group settings)

Yes some people will lose their jobs if they take any more time off. But I know of plenty parents who have sent a child who's been vomiting overnight into school or nursery, who don't work, or who work from home and could keep their child with them, and no they don't give a shit. The attitude is just 'why should inconvenience myself, they caught it at nursery, so it's going around anyway'

I can see both sides but the problem is that the children who are being sent in have more than likely picked up the bug within the Creche . If you kept them home for every single thing they would literally never be in . I mean you would just be paying a Creche for never sending a child in and have to quit your job basically ? The prob with chicken pox is that they are infectious 2 days before the spots come out so the horse has usually bolted in that situation. I agree about vomiting bugs though it is awful . I’ve caught so many from the creche but it’s just one of those things unfortunately. It absolutely sucks but then you think of the pressure parents are under and can see why they don’t wait the 48 hours . I’ve the luxury of a flexible enough job so I do but I can understand why parents don’t

It’s fairly meaningless for children who are in childcare together.

Most diseases are infectious before symptoms show. So if they were together in the preceding days the transmission has occurred and it’s just incubating.

This, its a day or 3 of unpaid leave...

@Babycatsmummy I'm sorry your baby is poorly and you are clearly looking for someone or something to blame. Sadly once children go to nursery and mix with other children, they do turn into a germ factory. It's how they build their immune sysystem, nothing anyone can do about it, we've all had to go through this, you can not blame people for doing what seems best for their family.

It's not about putting blame, it's about preventing future risks. Blaming other parents won't have any effect at all, OP cannot control what they do.

I have been in the same situation as OP with a newborn and a toddler, and now with 2 pre-schoolers and a newborn. I am not saying it's easy, but newborn and toddler should be kept apart if the eldest is ill, that's a fact.

If OP is a single parent then indeed it's will be very difficult. If not then the toddler stays with the dad as much as possible. Or baby in a sling, no direct contact, change clothing after holding the eldest etc...

Sorry i have voted YABU.

The illnesses you’re describing such as chickenpox and HFM are not really something you can blame the parents for. As PPs have said.

Re tonsilitis, have you had an ENT look at the tonsils? Most of the kids I know including my own DD are more prone with they have enlarged tonsils/adenoids etc.

D&V could come from anywhere. I’m pretty sure my DC1 got D&V last year from a day trip to London, think about all the dirty places they touch such as the tube.

For colds etc, yes parents may choose to send kids in as no parent can take that amount of time off work.

Correct.

I have had 2 c sections and wasn’t advised to take any existing kids out of childcare.

DD had an op when she was 1 and had to have 1 week off nursery.

DS had grommets and needed 1 day off school due to anaesthetic.

My son used to be hospitalised every time he got a cold. It's awful
Once I became a manager I realised one way I could help was by ensuring staff felt able to work flexibly if their child was ill so they didn't feel pressure to send them to childcare

Ive heard at the nursery gates 'well, they must have gotten it from nursery anyway. They'll be fine'

Yes I know sometimes it is something else (although in our house we’ve had several stomach bugs that have passed to different people, so are contagious, but only caused one incident of vomiting in my DD, so just because it happens once doesn’t mean they aren’t ill).

But really I was talking about parents who are obviously taking the piss. A parent at DD’s school was annoyed that holiday club sent her child home and wouldn’t have him back the next day because he threw up several times at the club - she insisted that it was “because of the heat”. It was a slightly warm day for the time of year, but it was April. It was about 18 degrees and cloudy.

Kids get sick. I swear my daughter had something every other week for the first two years in nursery. Ironically, she had less illness in school.
its a fact of life
.
When I had surgery due, I didn’t send her in for two weeks before and two weeks after so I didn’t catch anything.

Exactly this. Parents are under pressure not to take time off in case they lose their jobs. They are torn between needing to go into work and looking after ill children.

Keeping them apart is very unrealistic. My toddler has just had this huge change in his life and my newborn is very dependent on me, obviously. My toddler’s behaviour has already changed and to keep him away from me would just encourage more more bad behaviour

Kids will get ill, it's part of growing up. If they are not ill when they are 2 or 3, they will get the same illnesses when they start school. It is an almost inevitable stage of childhood.

It is a pain to go through whatever their age. And yes, it's not great when they have baby siblings but that's why some parents choose not to send their toddlers to nursery until newborns are a bit older.

I hope your baby is okay and recovers quickly.

Our school has a strict 48 hr rule now. We found they were sending them in unwell on the bus. My driver and I picked up loads bugs. So now the school wont entertain it. Its fair enough. Op I see your point

If it’s any consolation OP I have a friend who’s DC isn’t in any childcare, he’s about 18 months old but he still catches loads of bugs pretty much every week from playgroups and things. It’s very difficult to avoid the age of constant illness.

Most illnesses aren't symptomatic in the early stages but are still contagious, so it's highly possible your child caught then off a child without any outward symptoms of illness. Also, what might be just a mild sniffle in one child could be quite serious in another. It does sound like your LO has quite a weak immune system if he's getting so poorly so often.

Once he gets to school, the guidance is that unless a child has been sick or is really seriously ill, parents should just give them calpol and send them in.

Re your 4 month old, if at 9am he'd been there since the night before without being admitted, the staff don't think it's urgent enough to do anything about and you might be better off taking him home, unless there's been any developments since then.

Yes this.

We've decided everyone needs to be in paid work, so we put kids in group care. No one can keep themselves or kids at home for every sniffle if that is going to work

This is what happens with group care.

One of the negative effects covid had was convincing people that if only symptomatic people stayed home, illness would somehow cease. Well that's a load of shite, it's not how illness works. Illness is often passed on without symptoms.