Please help me in spiralling.
I’m in a relationship with someone I’d thought I’d spend the rest of my life with. He proposed to me a year ago. I’ve embraced his kids and his problematic ex and I’ve struggled with insecurity issues from this. I don’t know what to think anymore
My partner has always been vocal about how much he hates cheating. Says it’s abhorrent and if there’s someone else you like you should just end the relationship. His dad had a whole other family with another woman behind his mums back and tore the family apart. I’ve always trusted him 100%.
Last few weeks my minds been screaming at me “he’s cheating”. It came out of nowhere until I noticed he’d followed a random (very pretty) girl on Instagram. Insecurity got the better of me and I asked who she was. He said she was his little sisters friend and he knew her briefly as they’d grown up in the same area when younger. Told myself I was being insecure and moved on.
The thought kept coming but I tried to ignore it. The other day I noticed her story at the top of his instagram page whilst he was showing me reels, again I asked, and he said “oh yeah me and Tina (not real name) are a thing”.
Today again he’s showing me stuff on instagram. He clicks on his messages and I see her name. I asked to see his phone, he grabbed it back off me but eventually gave me it and said I could read it.
They’ve been messaging for 2 weeks ish. Catching up about life. She started it sending him a picture of them from when they were younger (she’s not his little sisters age like he told me). Then she said she’s just ended a 10 year relationship and rediscovering life. Talking about a “group reunion” with the friendship group.
I asked him why he’d told me she was his sisters friend, he said they were in a friendship group but she was younger so assumed he was his sisters age (his sister is 12 years younger than him wtf).
The messages go on and he talks about his kids and his time in the army but there’s zero mention of me.
I asked why? He said “it didn’t come up” and “she can see pictures of you on my page anyway”
She most recently sent voice notes on Friday but he didn’t reply. In them she’s talking about how she nearly came by our city for a trip with her sister and she should have just come because a “reunion is needed”.
I lost my mind and said he was massaging his and her egos and it’s not what people in committed relationships do. This is the man who constantly says men and women can’t be friends as they always end up sleeping together.
He said he didn’t think it was weird but said he did think it got weird when she sent voice notes so didn’t reply.
I asked why I wasn’t mentioned. He said well she’d just told me she’d ended a 10 year relationship so it didn’t feel “kind” to “rub in her face our happiness”
He threw his phones at the wall, grabbed my wrist to get his phone, broke the fan and threw it at the wall leaving a dint.
Am I reading too much into this - is it my insecurity? I would never have expected this from him, I really wouldn’t. I just don’t know what to do.