My wife was my childhood best friend, and I feel like I lost that part of her after we got married. Am I overthinking this?

[Marvickk]

My wife and I have known each other since school. Best friends, the kind where she knew literally everything about me and I knew everything about her. Two years ago we both got out of long relationships around the same time (her a 10-year one, me a shorter one) and started leaning on each other more coffee, dinners, staying over at each other's places. I'm not going to pretend I never found her attractive, because I did. One night after a party we hooked up, neither of us regretted it the next morning, and here we are married three months ago after dating for two years.

I work in finance, she's a private client manager for a luxury jewelry brand, so she travels 4-5 days a month for work. I've had to cancel plans on her 3 times in the last 3 months because of this not a huge deal on its own.

Here's what's actually bothering me she's changed. Not in a dramatic way, nothing's "wrong" with the marriage we love each other, we still do date nights, trips, all of it. But she doesn't laugh at my dumb jokes the way she used to. I don't feel as safe just word-vomiting to her like I did when we were just friends. She's stricter, more guarded. I don't know if this is her feeling like there's less room for "mistakes" now that we're married, or if she genuinely thinks being that open with me isn't good for the marriage anymore.

She's also started pushing back on my spending nothing crazy, just normal purchases. I make around 250k, she makes around 230k, so it's not like we're tight on money. I get we're saving for a house before we start a family and I respect that, but it's starting to feel less like teamwork and more like I need permission.

Last night we were at a dinner hosted by one of her clients. I stepped away for a bit to give her space while she talked business. On the drive home she was cold and said I was "avoiding her" and it was "unnecessary" to do that at her client's house.

I don't know if I'm just being sensitive, or if something actually shifted between the version of her I fell in love with as a friend and the version I married.

If you are earning almost £500k a year between you… how on earth do you not own a house?

You already have a thread on aibu

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5553405-my-wife-was-my-childhood-best-friend-and-i-feel-like-i-lost-that-part-of-her-after-we-got-married-am-i-overthinking-this

Hard to say on what you have told us. Were you asked to step away during the business chat. I do think that unless you were asked to do so then that was a bit odd. Going to the kitchen to help your boss's partner while they talked business ok. Going off and standing on your own playing with your phone not!

It sounds to me based on what you have said that you might be overthinking and ending up being unrelaxed in situations with your wife that are less familiar to you. You thought you were being sensitive she thought you had misread things and were being awkward or even rude.

My advice based on admittedly sketchy info is relax. She married you just as much as you married her. Don't try to second guess her.

We you in heterosexual relationship and are now gay...
Or are you male?

Just trying to understand the dynamics at play.

As someone with a 4 and 2 yr ... I wouldn't start a family in the near future unless you want to fast track a divorce.

You sound like you need couples counselling you already have "assumed bad intent" in the relationship.... that plus her guardedness which sounds like shut down / giving up to me is not good news.

I got an error on my device. I don't know why, but I couldn't see that thread, so I created a new one.

We just got married! Hopefully you understand why PR wasn't really an option for us before we had a lot of reasons for that.

Please talk to her about it OP. You have all that history and understanding, don't let it suffocate to death in the silence and obfuscation. Pick an free morning maybe at the weekend and ask her how things are, for her, in your relationship.

Ah okay. Well you've had responses on that other thread, just so you know

Ohh that's bit messy!! I will try to login to that account later if possible!

Thank you for this information

Oh my god I saw this 😵‍💫

My advice didnt post but it was approx....
"dear lord! As a mother of a 4 and 2 yr old dont have children unless you want to fast track the divorce and get into couples therapy"