Just a normal football mum with a needy neighbour

[Moofighter]

So, just wondering AIBU?
We have taken the neighbours child, alongside my son, to football training sessions and league matches the following day. We expected nothing in return and have been doing this for 2+ years. We recently let the parents know that the arrangement could not continue as I am fed up of changing our plans to accommodate their child. Since this, they have not played out like normal neighbours/ children. This makes me so sad, that they don't play out together anymore 😢. The reason we take their child is because they have 1 vehicle in their house and this is used at the weekends for work purposes.
I feel like such a bitch for finally putting my foot down but this one way arrangement was getting too much.

Fuck me! The CFs are out in force on this thread!

OP you are NOT being unreasonable. For about 2 years I drove (slightly out my way) to take my DD’s and her best friend to a sport. Half hour there, wait f 90 mins and half hour back. Sometimes to competitions in other towns too.

Her mother was beyond grateful, would buy me lovely flowers and chocolates and Xmas presents.

I once had a problem with my car and job and couldn’t take one of my kid to college for a couple of months and another mum stepped in and offered to help. I burst into tears with gratitude. As a single parent you can be so stuck sometimes. I was very very very grateful and also gave her some flowers at the end of the 2 months and offered petrol money. Which she didn’t take.

Parents help each other out, that’s what we do, but when someone takes the piss and isn’t even grateful they can fuck off. They’ve never offered to help once in 2 years. Do I feel sorry for the wee boy? Yes, but sadly why should your kid (and your parents) suffer because of another kid’s ungrateful CF parents?

Erm, the changing jobs thing was their suggestion. And I'm sorry, but I would nt rely on neighbours to take my child to every match/ training session. They are working to make a living for their own household. If they can't do that for their child, their problem really. We aren't friends or family BTW.

But you did set that expectation by doing it for 2 years, apparently quietly seething with resentment, without disabusing them of that notion.

Whether or not they felt entitled, that makes no difference to how adults deal with situations. Your short/long message was curt/maybe not curt and they may or may not have relied on you/afforded a taxi, but none of that changes the fact that the decent thing to do is knock on their door and speak to them like an adult. Even if they are the shittiest people, why would you want to sink to their level?

I wouldnt want to have a conversation with you full stop .You set the tone and made your feelings quite clear,they are following your lead . They probably feel embarrassed,baffled and belittled especially if you have t vices in any way shape or form your displeasure at takingbhim before .

If it was phrased like that, it sounds rather rude. It would be much more reasonable to put a bit more detail, eg "With the longer distance to the new club, we're often going to want to go straight on from there to do other things without coming home, so it's not going to work for us to take Johnny regularly. We'd be happy to continue to help occasionally."

This is my point too. We all need a helping hand now and again but there are boundaries/ limits.

My favourite expression ATM, but no good deed goes unpunished.

Some people, the more you give, the more they expect as their god given right - fuckers.

I’m sorry but why is everyone giving her shit she spent 2 years driving someone else’s child to football practice and the parents didn’t even bother to show up and watch him play in tournaments. As she said they usually had commitments after so had to change plans to accommodate said child she was taking him as she knew the parents couldn’t manage at the time with only having one car so she helped out for 2 YEARS …to be honest I think they took this piss it became expected and why is it up to this lady to communicate regularly to see where they’re at I think they wanted to see how long they could get out of her hats off to you love for doing it this long as you were right to finally put your foot down don’t feel bad you have given them plenty of time to step up it’s on them.

This is incredibly rude of you.
I'm not surprised the parents think you are odd and have stopped their child bothering you or your dc since you sent it.

Why on earth wouldn't you have spoken to them and just said that, with the change of clubs and other stuff going on in your family, you don't feel able to give their dc lifts anymore ?

Totally up to you if you feel it limits where you can go afterwards, although I still can't see why you couldn't have just said "We sometimes need to go places afterwards so can only give him a lift on the days we are coming straight home".

For those saying that anyone who disagrees with you is a CF, I am the one who gave my dd's friend a lift to training and all matches for 8 years (and she didn't live next door to us). It meant another child got to be part of the team, and the team benefited from having a stronger squad.

I don't understand the attitude of people who don't help others out when they can, but obviously that is your prerogative. The reason YABU here is the fact you - seemingly - did this happily for the two years, then were so blunt with dropping the arrangement.

It may sound rude...maybe I should have asked for a conversation. But this parent had told me 1 year previously that I would have to take his child with us to any club we moved to as otherwise he won't be able to play in a team/ at the weekend. I didn't reply at the time as I was taken aback by his stance.
He has no clue of how much work goes into a parent managing their morning, organising a sibling being collected after a football match etc. When my hubby is away, I have to ask my own family to help out on the occasional weekend. Throw in the dilemma of them ( my family) potentially helping our neighbours child too. We are all generally nice individuals, I promise but he ( the neighbours child) can't go to my mum's after a football match. That's unfair. But life is busy as a parent, I haven't got time to be messaging about these details etc. Freedom is an amazing and under rated privilege.

Anyway, no idea what is going to happen next season as he has joined the new club. I know we couldn't possibly refuse to take him if we are going to the same matches 😓.