Just a normal football mum with a needy neighbour

[Moofighter]

So, just wondering AIBU?
We have taken the neighbours child, alongside my son, to football training sessions and league matches the following day. We expected nothing in return and have been doing this for 2+ years. We recently let the parents know that the arrangement could not continue as I am fed up of changing our plans to accommodate their child. Since this, they have not played out like normal neighbours/ children. This makes me so sad, that they don't play out together anymore 😢. The reason we take their child is because they have 1 vehicle in their house and this is used at the weekends for work purposes.
I feel like such a bitch for finally putting my foot down but this one way arrangement was getting too much.

I hope it does and that the kid doesn't end up not going cos that would be shitty for him.

Not trying to say that that's on you at all, it isn't. But it would still be sad for him

This is on your poor communication, OP. They had no idea it was such a burden because you didn’t tell them. Now you messaged them curtly to say ‘don’t expect us to take your child with us to the new football club’, rather than telling them face to face, and you wonder why they’re baffled and wondering what’s going on with you, whether your child no longer wants to be friends with theirs etc? Why is it on them to ‘ask for a conversation’?

Seems like they have been ripping the piss out of you for too long . Time to actually step up and parent their kid. I have been in a similar situation in the past. Then I realised I was being taken for a mug and stopped it

It be sad for him but his parent can afford a taxi to a local tournament. He just chose not to. In my eye's that selfish and no idea why he wouldn't watch his son play.

That does sound unnecessarily short and abrupt after having pretended for 2 years that you were happy taking him. I wouldn't have asked for a conversation either, I would have just assumed you wanted nothing more to do with my child.

They need the favour/ lifts etc. It's completely up to them to instigate the conversation and ensure it is possible. You sound as bad as them 😂

Changing clubs is a good time to end the commitment, and you’ve given them plenty of time to sort something new out (although if that was your message, it was a little curt).

Quite possibly. But it was meant as a conversation starter.

Nothing about that statement invites a conversation. You have already said you are not doing it, do you expect them to beg?

Are you normal? Your curt exchange with neighbour, having given no previous indication of your thought process, is not, imo, normal. For me, it's rude, you're rude , in this instance

You have a very interesting view on this....forgetting the fact that I've practically been the child's parent at these matches. I know if the tables were turned I wouldn't be so entitled. But that's me.

And it wasn't a blunt message to them. I can't copy and paste it here but it was words to the effect of, we have another child to work around and it won't be necessarily possible to take their child with us. We also have commitments etc

Well that is quite far from what you originally said: It was a short message to a parent saying don't expect us to take your child with us to the new football club.

And it wasn't a blunt message to them. I can't copy and paste it here but it was words to the effect of, we have another child to work around and it won't be necessarily possible to take their child with us. We also have commitments etc

However long or short the message itself ......it was curt because there was no polite warning, no providing your thought process in advance. No timeframe to allow neighbour to organise a different way

They've had years to organise themselves. Also doesn't explain why the parent can't be bothered making arrangements for himself to watch his kid in a tournament. It was literally 10 mins drive away. So a few pounds by taxi, which they can spare. It's called laziness but hey ho...as long as his kid is playing football 🙄

🤣

They've not had years because you've been doing it without letting them know it was problematic.

I hope you weren't as blunt as your post on here implies but it's done now. You get your weekends back.

Hopefully the children will start to play again over the summer holidays.

Yanbu, changing clubs is the perfect time to end the arrangement. Favours so quickly become expectation to CF’s.

It’s not your problem how he gets to football. His parents can work out how to be in multiple places at once at the weekends, just like any other parents with kids in clubs.

Some of the replies here are batshit.

Well, I can now do as I please after these journeys. Which is normal really...or what it should be IMO.
But thank you mumsnetters...the world is divided into the entitled and the not so entitled 😇

OP, another thread where the cheeky fxxkers are clear.
You have been a saint to be used like this for so long.
In my experience CF's tend to be selfish parents.
Always out for any shortcut to get out of basic parenting.
Good luck.

And yes, I really hope they play out together, care free and no strings attached. That's the real sadness about this.

You’ve told them it won’t be possible. That’s not a ‘conversation starter’. That’s a conversation ender.

You’ve done the classic people-pleaser thing where you chose to do something that didn’t work for you, seething with resentment, rather than deal with the discomfort of saying ‘Can’t do it this week — we have plans after’ every time it didn’t. Now you’re blaming them for your own anger at what you see as having been exploited.

It’s not complicated, OP. You can complain about ‘entitledness ’ and ‘cheeky fuckers’ till the cows come home, but the only behaviour you can control, ever, is your own. There’s no cheeky fucker without a wet lettuce to facilitate them. If you’d been honest far sooner about it not always suiting you to take their child to football, then you wouldn’t be dealing with this situation, where they possibly think your child no longer likes theirs etc. and a friendship your child values is endangered.

I actually think you are right in some ways but I honestly didn't mind doing it until they found an alternative or found a suitable job. But really, I would have expected more conversation from them.

Look, you did a nice thing, OP, but if you were only happy to keep doing it temporarily, while they found an alternative club that they could get their child to, I think that needed to be communicated. Plus I do t think anyone changes jobs so they can take small child to his football matches!