DD’s friends have absolutely destroyed my carpet.

[MyOwnBestFriend1989]

I don’t even know the point in posting this but DH is on a business trip and all my friends are probably watching the England match so have got no one to rant to.

my DD (12) had her friends over today and they went to B&M or wherever it was (honestly couldn’t care less at this point) and bought some of those stupid stress toys. They’re the ones filled with fluorescent, possibly radioactive, liquid and you squeeze them. when they came back they were instantly playing tug of war with them, jumping on them and just stretching them beyond their limits. I said, in no unclear terms, “if one of those pops and goes all over my carpet I’m going to hit the roof”. Obviously I got the whole “we’ll be careful!” reassurance, and please don’t ask me why I didn’t confiscate the toys off them because I honestly don’t know!

i was downstairs catching up on Eastenders and one of the girls comes down looking guilty and sheepish and disappears into the kitchen. She comes out clutching my Zoflora and I instantly ask her “what do you think you’re doing with that”, she claims the girls were “just making potions”. My response was “not with my Zoflora you’re not now what’s the real reason.” Cue her bursting into tears shouting “we didn’t mean to!”. My stomach dropped.

I’ve marched upstairs and there it is - a, what can only be described as marinated, ocean blue stain clearly smeared into my cream carpet. Not only that, there was also some scrunched up bits of toilet paper in it which had a faint blue tinge to it meaning they had obviously rubbed it in in an attempt to get it out.

i have to give myself credit for I didn’t scream or shout at the girls: I said “girls, you have half an hour to ring your parents and get them to collect you.” There were no arguments and rightly so.

it is now 11pm and I’m yet to receive an apology text from one of the parents - not that a “sorry” WhatsApp message will pay for my carpet to be professionally cleaned.

don’t know what the point is in posting this but just deflated to be honest. Unless of course anyone has any advice on how I can get this stain out or indeed on how to passive aggressively message the parents to imply that I do indeed want to be indemnified for a professional clean.

12 year old kids are still kids. And SOME kids do cry because they're worriers and get genuinely upset when they fuck up. And worry about it for weeks later. It's not always "turning on the waterworks for attention".

She was at least trying to right a wrong. Which is what most adults would do, in fact. You sound exactly like the kind of parent I would always remember as a total cow for the rest of my life for how they treated a 12 year old who WAS actually trying to correct the wrong they'd made. It's not being "disciplined" to treat kids like that and it doesn't teach them responsibility. It's just unpleasant, bullying behaviour.

It happened to me. It didn't even came to my mind that DD friend's mum should be responsible for the damage as I meant to be the responsible adult in the house! Your DD is just as much as to blamed as her friend for being careless imo.

I'm sorry you're so stressed. Id try and give it a good scrub with bicarb and maybe stain remover to see what happened, presumably you couldn't make it much worse! Imo its just one of those things, I would try not to let myself get too upset over it.

Obviously I got the whole “we’ll be careful!” reassurance, and please don’t ask me why I didn’t confiscate the toys off them because I honestly don’t know!

This is really the crux of the problem. The way to prevent this from happening was glaringly obvious, and well within your power to enforce. You can't now blame everyone else because you didn't do it. Sorry

It isn't about hating your kids if they don't learn respect for the property of others and refuse to be warned they need to feel it is something they can't repeat. You're worried about her relationship with her friends FFS they helped mightily in this sorry story if she falls out with them you should be delighted.Embuing kids with the idea they can get away with anything doesn't help them,it will cause misery,all you will have done is make life easier for yourself by not punishing her.

It is about proportion though.

This is a completely ridiculous disproportionate reaction to a highly forseeable accident, where there's a hall with a fucking cream carpet (!) where the adult involved did not take responsibility. The kids are normal kids, nothing we've heard about them indicates they're in any way reprobates, and if you think a silly mistake like this that they tried to correct means they're unfit to be her child's friends I do not know what to say to you. What kind of weird uptight household did you grow up in?

Exactly the kind of place many of us learned to avoid growing up, I suspect, the friend with the psycho parent. Who used to find it a relief to come to ours where they weren't constantly treading on eggshells.

God I don't think I could ever get this upset with a bunch of pre-teens about a carpet. Did none of the people who want to ban her from having her friends round ever fuck up as a kid? I wouldn't be that rude to other people's kids either. OP knew better than the kids how easily those things could break, she should have taken them away or sent kids into kitchen or garden. I suspect the bad mood is because she knows SHE fucked up.

OMG how nice of you to embarrass your daughter like that. You are the adult and could have prevented this from happening in the first place. You knew this could happen but still let them play with the “stupid stress toys”.
You spoilt your daughter’s friend’s parents plans too and you expect them to send you an apology by text. Pay for the carpets to be cleaned yourself and next time, if there is a next time, don’t let your daughter and her friends play with liquid filled toys that can mess up your carpets.

Our kitchen table was bought when eldest was a baby

25 years later and it’s covered in scratches , glitter that for some reason just won’t come off, paint splats , dents , etc.

it’s clean . I’ve scrubbed it to death but some things just won’t budge.

i mentioned to my youngest I was thinking about getting a new kitchen table and she said “oh don’t, it’s covered in memories”

Your daughter won’t remember what she spilt. But she will remember how you made her feel about it

You should not put your kid in the position of having to police their friends. They don't have that capacity at 12 and it puts them in an awkward social position. That's what parents are for, until they're a little older. You know, to teach them stuff and provide guidance?

Exactly. Nothing wrong with expressing annoyance given they were warned, but there is a difference between making sure kids take responsibility and don't do something again (they probably learned that lesson already from it happening AND from trying to clean it up) to this ridiculous drama, banning DD from having friends over for six months, getting their parents to pay or whatever other absurdly OTT suggestions were made.

The poor girl trying to clean burst into tears and you marched downstairs. Read that again but put yourself in the girl's shoes. Poor thing, she must have been terified. Where is your empathy, why didn't you try to comfort her? Is just a carpet, there are solutions. And if not, well, parenting. Your daughter was involved, what responsability did she have? She was the one who should have been trying to clean, as is your (and her) carpet. Did your daughter apologise? If I would lose my shit, I would lose my shit at my daughter, not her friends. She was the host, she had the power to say, no we need to go outside. You need to teach her responsability. And so did you, actually. Accidents happen but the way you treated this make you look as an as**e.

You can't expect the parents to pay op.

Your DD was part of it, you were present, and it's your carpet, yet you still don't feel you should pay. Why on earth would they feel they should?

Why? You allowed them to play with the toys having seen what they were doing. Does your daughter not know right from wrong at 12?

how is it looking today?

what have you used to try to get rid of it? With any of these things the best thing to do is put water on it & absorb with towels (preferably white to avoid colour transfer)

have you booked a clean? If they haven't been yet, get them only to use water. Most long term staining is done by the chemicals reacting with each other. Carpet cleaners won't know what reaction it will have until it's too late. It usually goes green or orange.

(the science of carpet cleaning was my business in a previous part of my life)

the good news is, if it needs replacing it's only the hallway, rather than a larger area. It may not even be worth claiming on insurance depending on your excess.

i wouldn't blame the girls. You are the adult, you could anticipate this outcome much more than they could. You knew they were jumping on them as well as squishing them. It was up to you to tell them it was the garden or nowhere they were not to be played with in the house. Frankly, I wouldn't have let them play with them so roughly as well as the carpet, I would've been worried about what would happen to their skin if they burst them.

I think it was over the top making their parents pick them up at that time of night for something that you should've been responsible for.

i'm not exactly sure how I'd word an apology because what I want to say is 'I'm sorry your carpet got damaged when you allowed the girls to do something stupid inside on a cream carpet'

I can understand not confiscating the toys as they’re twelve not 6. But I don’t know if the parents will pay up. You could broach it.

id ban friends over for a year and dock pocket money as long as well. Especially as dd didn’t come and fess up immediately.

I think you did well chucking them out. And sad that none of the parents offered to pay towards carpet cleaning. Those kids have incurred your calm anger. They wont do it again.

Not sure why you’re minimising your own responsibility OP, but you definitely are. You are the adult. You saw the potential for your carpet to be ruined and yet you still allowed it to happen because watching TV was more important.

Fine to be angry this happened but you allowed the toys in the house. Their parents can’t be responsible for choices made when in your house.
You could have confiscated them or made them go outside if they wanted them. You didn’t and that’s on you I’m afraid.

It would be different if they deliberately damaged your carpet or broke something but sounds like it wasn’t.

I agree with others - an expensive mistake, but your mistake. This happened in your house - they were your boundaries to set.

I would be as frustrated and upset as you were to see my carpet wrecked, but at the same time, accidents do happen. Of all the things a group of 12 year olds could get up to, playing innocently with some squishies isn't so bad and they really won't have understood the potential consequences as they are 12. It doesn't sound like they were nasty kids who deliberately caused damage and now your DD's friends won't feel welcome in your house which could impact her friendships.

I'd have a calm chat with your DD and explain why you were so upset but also check she is ok. Friendships matter so much at that age.

Yes it works it's been around since the late 90's. I've used it for colour runs and all sorts. You pre treat and add some with your detergent as well. But I've also used it for stains on carpets.

You are totally in charge as the house owner and the only adult. If you need a new carpet I would expect you to use common sense and choose a better colour. Tough lesson learnt I reckon. Next time i am certain you will actually watch what is going on.

Cover it with a runner.

Perfect response !!
OP is outsourcing responsibility for what happened -
when SHE was the adult in charge !!

Dr Beckmann carpet stain remover. My daughter got bloody make up and spilled ribena on her brand new carpet. I was fuming, don't allow drinks or food upstairs and didn't want her to have a new carpet ( her room was just redecorated ) because l know what she is like, but my dh, said she had promisehim, she would be careful...Bought this stain remover, brilliant, so good, l always have a bottle just incase. You can get it from Amazon. I feel your pain, it's infuriating, and l agree, the parents should have been on the phone apologising and asking how they could help...Then again, it could be that one girl blames another, and the other blames someone else....But yes, you have every reason to be fuming....