Last minute let down

[naturetrail]

Dd is 14.
Invited her 2 friends to sleepover at ours today at the start of last week.
Both girls said yes.
They've all 3 been chatting about it this week.
Today she messages them asking what they would like for tea and they both replied. Then around lunchtime she messaged them asking if they would like to camp in the garden with it being so warm? They said yes.
Dd spent the afternoon putting up the tent, air beds, taking bedding, fairy lights, stove, chairs, speaker outside and she worked hard and had it all set up lovely.
We went shop got snacks and treats like marshmallows to roast
530 She gets a message from one of the girls saying that they can't come anymore as both girls are at one of the girls houses and her mum doesn't have any fuel to bring them.
Dd gutted. I tell her to let them know that i can go pick them up if it helps? They reply saying sorry but their tea is on now and the mum and dad want to watch football with them.
Dd is absolutely gutted. Has gone to bed crying.
The other 2 girls and now and mum with no petrol house having a sleepover without dd.
I don't understand it at all? Surely anyone would think that's a shitty think to do?

Awful. Really feel for her, teenage friendships can be so cruel and hard

Poor girl. How nasty of her friends.

Somehow you have to gently teach her that not all friends are as good as you think. And that these girls ought to be really apologetic when she sees them.

Bless her, what an awful thing to do. Can you go and sleep out there with her, a nice mum and daughter thing to do, then it won’t be wasted.
sounds like the girls maybe never asked their parents!

She's obviously lying about the petrol. So unfair on your dd

Wow. I’d have called the mum direct (or asked the girl to hand her phone to her) and say you are happy to collect the girls as your DD had put a huge amount of effort setting things up and you’d bought the food etc, and it’s not really on to cancel last minute. I mean the kids presumably asked the parents for permission to go so they would have known about it. Bad form from all concerned.

Shit behaviour taught by shit parenting. Your DD has had a harsh lesson

That’s horrible. Your poor DD.

I’d say do none of that.

They've said in the message like sorry my mum has no fuel. And sorry tea in and mum and dad want to watch football with us.
But if what they're saying is true then why don't they ask dd to go there seeing how both girls are there? I would of happily dropped her off.
And also why are the parents okay with acting like this?
Surely they wouldn't want treating this way?

If true that’s really shit of the parents and if not then it’s really shit of the girls! Your poor DD, it’s awful to look forward to something fun then have disappointment last minute. I hope they will at least be apologetic and if not that DD has other friendships she can strengthen

Dont get anything organised up front in future
Believe it when it happens
Dont invite again. I dit think these girls had any intention of coming sadly.

I did offer to collect them. I don't have parents numbers as when dd asked them for their parents numbers so i could text to arrange they said that they don't have to have a parent text they just organise things themselves which i did think was strange as i always speak to which ever adults house dd is going to if she goes out

Definitely shitty behaviour, I hope it’s just teenage thoughtlessness over being deliberately horrible.
Are there any other friends you could invite over instead?

I offered to sleep in tent with dd myself as did step dad. He said he'd go borrow another tent off his friend and then we could all camp out in garden, him me dd and 2 siblings. She said thanks but it's not the same. I would like to just be on my own and forget about it ☹️ she's gone to bed in tears. Ds went to sit with her. I just don't understand why? She only really has these two girls. She's been for a sleepover at one of the girls houses before but is was the girls dads house they slept at so i have his number but they're with mum. So I don't want to text the dad as not his weekend and i have no contact for either mum. I said to dd i could asked dad for mum number but she said mum please just leave it

This is likely the problem. The 2 girls agreed to the sleepover, assuming their parents would agree, but never actually asked until the last minute. Then the parents couldn't oblige as they'd already arranged tea and watching TV. I think at age 14, I'd still want to check-in with the other parents before letting DD go on a sleepover.

That’s horrible

I think when this happens (and unfortunately it will happen again, tis the nature of it) the best thing to do is to try to maintain a dignified silence even though you understandably feel like sending all manner of hate via phone or text, explain it happens to everyone (it does) and to try to rise above it as they say. It’s hard though.

I’m so sorry for your DD, teenage friendships can be so hard. I caught a glimpse of my 4 year old being left out on a play date and one of the others being unkind and I could feel my emotions rising watching her. I guess just be there for her when she needs you, it’s really sweet of your DS to go and sit with her. Could you all do something nice tomorrow? Take her mind off it a bit? When I went through similar I remember my mum taking me on drives or nice walks to get an ice cream etc and it did help. Does she have any other friends she can speak to just to lift her spirits?

Yes she's been dignified and replied to their messages saying okay nevermind. I just feel so sad for her 😭😭😭 i don't understand it at all. If they didn't want to come they could of just said

Because teen girls can be bitches. 🤷‍♀️

I think they maybe just decided they didn't want to come 😔 they presumably run their own social lives like many girls of that age and decided just to stay the two of them - I think had it actually been a car issue or whatever it would have been sorted or they would have taken the lift, yes it could be they hadn't properly sorted it with the parents but again that comes down to the same thing, because they weren't that bothered to come. Poor DD, she must be gutted. Keep an eye on how they behave after this and gently encourage her to widen her circle

Ime a group of 3 never works. Can you help dd widen her friendship pool ? If not school then an activity or club?
As an adult 3 didn't work for me either. Whenever I saw 1 alone she bitched about the other. When I clicked they did that whenever I wasn't there I dumped them.
At 12 my dad was dumped by her entire group for refusing alcohol at a sleepover..she had a rough few years after but battled on.
With no regrets.
Ime your dd will learn a lot from this.

Awww your poor DD. Like someone said it's not th only time this might happen. She needs to slowly find better friends.

We had similar last year, DD 14th birthday party, 2 hours before one girl text DD 'I can't come now'. No explanation, no good reason and we had bought tickets to Blue Planet Aquarium and ordered food for the 6 who were invited. I was annoyed at the waste of money and that the other girl seemed so casual about it. I don't know the other girl so didn't have parents details. Harder when they get older as you let them arrrange it but some of them are rude and thoughtless (and sometimes the parents probably don't know about the party as child hasn't told them).

hopr your daughters ok in the morning. Great opportunity for her to spread her wings for new nice friends

Very cruel behaviour on their part, I’d be livid. So hard for your DD. Well they’ve shown their true colours now. I hope she’s able to make nicer friends in future.

This is awful. Your poor daughter. I hope she is feeling better this morning.

I would put money on the mum not knowing anything about it and the petrol / dinner / football excuses being just excuses.

When I was a teenager, I was on the receiving end of something similar. My friendship with two girls was never the same.

I joined some groups instead, and this let me be more of my own person. It’s hard just now when she is hurting, but true colours have been shown