Last minute let down

[naturetrail]

Dd is 14.
Invited her 2 friends to sleepover at ours today at the start of last week.
Both girls said yes.
They've all 3 been chatting about it this week.
Today she messages them asking what they would like for tea and they both replied. Then around lunchtime she messaged them asking if they would like to camp in the garden with it being so warm? They said yes.
Dd spent the afternoon putting up the tent, air beds, taking bedding, fairy lights, stove, chairs, speaker outside and she worked hard and had it all set up lovely.
We went shop got snacks and treats like marshmallows to roast
530 She gets a message from one of the girls saying that they can't come anymore as both girls are at one of the girls houses and her mum doesn't have any fuel to bring them.
Dd gutted. I tell her to let them know that i can go pick them up if it helps? They reply saying sorry but their tea is on now and the mum and dad want to watch football with them.
Dd is absolutely gutted. Has gone to bed crying.
The other 2 girls and now and mum with no petrol house having a sleepover without dd.
I don't understand it at all? Surely anyone would think that's a shitty think to do?

Kids lack empathy. Out of sight, out of mind.

I’m sure the two girls like your daughter, but have got distracted by being where they are and are fickle.

Your daughter sounds like she’s taken it as well as she can. It’s a good lesson to learn that people will let you down - not a nice one! But a useful one.

I hope she’s feeling better today.

Did she send the girls a photo of the tent done up with fairy lights etc I would have to let them see the trouble she had gone to.
Then said it would have been nice to know a bit earlier.
Such a cruel thing to do. Hope she makes kinder friends in the future.

That’s shitty.

I think we do have a big problem with social interaction nowadays brought on by it being easy to text and change plans last minute and the encouragement of not explaining and sayings like “no is a complete sentence”.

Social relationships come with responsibility alongside everything else.

Id encourage your DD to hold her head high, if the girls text to tell them the effort she’d gone to but yet be polite and standoffish.

And I wouldn’t be inviting them again. Yes, for a while it’ll have a detrimental effect on your DD but eventually she’ll find a great group of friends who deserve her and her efforts to provide her friends a good night.

That is very hurtful, whether or not they meant it to be. I think the best you can do is support your DD and maybe suggest a nice family thing to do today.
One bright point is your DS sounds lovely, going to sit with his sister when she’s upset.

Your poor DD, that’s so nasty of those girls to do that.

I have a feeling that the lack of fuel story is a load of rubbish and they didn’t actually get their parents permission, otherwise I’m sure they would have taken up the offer of a lift.

My DD is 13 and I find it hard with the lack of parent interaction from some of her friends.

It really varies with how some aren’t bothered with what their kids get up to and how others still appreciate messages from parents confirming arrangements and double checking what their kids are up to.

I hope your DD is doing ok today.

@naturetrail your poor DD. She mist feel absolutely gutted and sad.

This whole situation hints of bullying. Is it possible the two of them had no intention of going? Surely as they were going to be at your house the two of them wouldn't then arrange to be together all day without your DD?

And a parent with no fuel in the car??

The whole thing smells of BS.

I feel sad for your DD. I don't know whether they ever had any intentions of staying. Do their parents know each other I wonder?

Also my kids aren't at that age but I think I would want to have details from the parent confirming the sleepover arrangements. You say you don't have the parents numbers to contact them which is something I would probably ask for if your DD decides to do a sleepover again just to send a message to check they are ok with the sleepover.

I have a 12 year old daughter and have seen this in a friendship group when she was in year 6. Fortunately she has found her tribe now ( or at least I hope she has….) unfortunately a legacy of her year 6 experience is she tries to hard with her current group and I worry that she is the one who over compensates and puts too much effort in and this will end up biting her on the backside.
girls can be really awful 😞
hope your DD finds a better bunch of friends

How horrible! Does she have other friends? Would definitely encourage her to widen her circle. Groups of three are very awkward.

I’d encourage her to make another friend. Most friendships at that age are 2 girls, 3 is indeed a crowd in most cases. Or there’s a larger group of girls.

She’s sadly had to learn a hard lesson, that these girls are not her friends and the parents are twats. I’m sorry she’s been so let down. She sounds very sweet and she doesn’t deserve to be treated so poorly.

no petrol perhaps means too much alcohol to drive?

Yep I agree, impromptu barbq or party for the football, was seen as a better option

Could have been a number of things and tbh you aren't going to know.

Obviously the main thing is to be there for your daughter, but this isn't something you can 'solve: or make better. It's big feelings to be lived through.

I do feel for your daughter. It's hard being a mum and seeing your kids hurting.

Hope she ok op. I remember my daughter at this age some of the secondary girls were nasty. It was very hurtful though.

What is tbe stove for ?

Cooking or heatng ?

The weather has been hot, why would a child need a stove when camping in a garden ?

Is that the point?

To roast the marshmallows she bought I imagine

Oh no 😢 this is so awful. In my bitter experience (I have a 16-year-old DD) teenage girls can be unbelievably cruel for seemingly no reason whatsoever and somehow justify it to themselves so they are never at fault. The parents of such girls just "let the kids sort it among themselves" and absolutely do not care how mean and horrible their daughters are to anyone else.

Sad to hear how many people have had simular things happen to them or their dds. Where's the girl code/ sister hood! I've said to dd about maybe they're not the girls for her etc. She's worried because it's only one week till summer holidays and now they'll not want to hang with her over summer.
It's really knocked her and she's questioning everything she's ever said to them. Lesson learned next time will insist on parents details to confirm.
And the stove was for marshmellows.
I do find dd struggles and never seems to have a best friend but always be on the edge of things. I think she often feels like there must be something wrong with her and she doesn't fit in which makes me super sad as a mum