To feel sad when a friend cancels plans by just ignoring you?

[BlueBayBic]

Was looking forward to meeting with a friend last night, with exact plans tbc. However all day, messages left on ‘read’ and not responded to. Admittedly she was at work and stressed due to current work events, but to ignore my (sporadic) messages for 8+ hours and to still have not replied now is a little bit… cold? I don’t know. Is it too much to send a little “crap day, don’t fancy it now, see you soon” message?

So she just didn’t turn up?

I wouldn’t consider someone who does that to be a friend to be honest

Yeah, that’s a bit shit. How firm were the plans?

Plans were for her to pick me up and go for a drink with exact timings to be arranged. She then didn’t reply to any messages to say is it still happening, what time should I expect her, would it be easier for me to go and meet her etc.

Don’t be a lapdog and keep hanging around for more of this treatment.

Unless something happened I wouldn’t feel good about it.

Does she have form for this kind of behaviour?

If it was out of character I would be more inclined to think they’re having a tough time of it or something has happened.

If this happens a lot, she’s not a friend and this will keep happening.

If this is the only time , maybe wait for an explanation. There could be a genuine reason.

So did you have a time to meet arranged. And did she turn up. That makes a difference. Or did it just not happen.

I think it’s a bit rubbish. But I also think if I was having a crazy day at work and I got repeated texts at work that would annoy me. Presumably she didn’t reply initially because she was busy? It’s a bit harassing to send multiple texts. Does she have form for this?

Pretty rubbish of her. How many messages did you send in an 8 hour period. 1 surely would of been enough

Or take 20 secs to say "Sorry can't make it".

The other person has better things to do as well other than trying to firm up arrangements because a rude person doesn't .

That’s not a friend.

I can understand if it was a large event and they didn’t confirm. Even then most of my friends (and myself) send a polite message saying “I can’t make it, let’s catch up soon”.

Ive cancelled on friends on the same day - but I feel so bad that I usually call or send a VN as for me it’s usually urgent or something to do with the kids if I can’t make it.

I think it’s rude to cancel knowing it’s just you and her, as you would have organised your day around it.

That’s not a friend. I wouldn’t arrange anymore meet ups with her unless maybe you are doing a group thing and you happen to invite her.

She is very rude not to have messaged at the end of the day but... how many messages did you send during the day? If you sent a couple with no reply didn't you think to wait and call her after work. I do think many issues could be solved by phoning and speaking rather than messages.

Sorry if it is obvious to others but did they not show up to a 'meet at 10 at Costa' type event or just a general 'come and visit some time' thing there is a difference

If i am at work I am at work though

I think it depends on what the rest of your friendship is like. With my close friends I’d assume they were just overwhelmed and I’d call them on the weekend. If the friendship is less firm, I might then take a step back.

Quite rude. Not a friendship to me.

bin her off … that’s so rude.

A lot of people don’t phone anyone at all anymore!
colleagues at work won’t answer the phone unless they know what the call is going to be about and are expecting it.

op has she always been like this?
If she’s known to be flaky and unreliable and letting you down at the last minute I’d not think twice about pulling the plug on this whole set up. I don’t have people in my life who mess me around.

Have you checked she’s OK?
If a friend did this to me, I’d be worried rather than pissed.

Yes, this.

Of course she should have replied. But sometimes at work you can’t reply. If my friend didn’t reply I’d assume that they couldn’t rather than just hadn’t replied so not send multiple texts. I’ve already said it’s bad her friend didn’t get in touch to cancel arrangements.

Quite a new friendship so no form for such. I sent a message to say good luck with x meeting today. Then about 2 hours later asked how it went. Then about 3 hours after with no reply suggested I could go to meet her rather than her coming in my direction. So 3 messages in 8 hours. We had a rough timeframe to meet between 5-7:30 and we’re definitely not a pair that enjoys speaking on the phone!

I get that she’s busy at work and can’t reply, that’s why I didn’t get frustrated/disappointed during the working day but when it got to 8:30 and still nothing, I felt quite dejected tbh.

There might be a legit reason but it’s the lack of communication, just makes me feel sad. Like I’m not even worth a 30 second text… or 5 second voice note if she were that way inclined.

Somewhere in between the two.

If I was having a really bad day, I wouldn't want to send a "sorry I can't make it" message. I'd feel painted into a corner and one of those times I wish I could get out of it without the social discomfort of letting the friend down. I'm not saying I would completely ignore you but I can maybe see why your friend went all quiet.

if she's normally a good friend, and this is out of character, it needs a conversation. If she continues to ghost you then that's not acceptable.

ETA - OMG, that's appalling and as she's a new friend, she's showing you who she is. I'd bin her off unless she comes back with a clear apology and explanation why she let you down, especially after you offered to go to her, to help her out.

I had tickets for something and I was going with DH and tiny DD. DD woke up sick so messaged my friend as she was absolutely desperate to go.
Messaged and said she thrilled and was just sorting something out with her DH so she could come and I she stopped replying. I saw hours later she had gone out for the day with her DH and DC.
I know her DH would have had a tantrum about being left with his children, however if she had told me I could have given the tickets to someone else. I waited so long it was too late to go anyway.
She did it another time when it was just her and all the DC going somewhere. I ended up going on my own. I stopped asking her and then she complained about not being asked to do things.