AIBU to think my husband cannot police our adult daughter’s diet?

[Foghornhooter]

DD is 21 and back from uni for summer. DD has a job for the summer and due back for final year Oct. DH and I are financially helping her with food, expenses and she pays no board while at home in the holidays.
DD eats a healthy diet and quite a few dried fruit snacks. Over the last couple of weeks her bowel movements have meant the bathroom has a terrible lingering pungent smell and the movements themselves have been a little difficult to move on (iyswim!).
Well, my DH has been demanding to know exactly what DD is eating as he thinks her diet is the reason why her bowel movements are the way they are. DD rightly stated that she’s an adult and can choose what she eats but DH disagreed and told her that for as long as we’re funding her through her studies then he has a right to know exactly what she’s eating. I disagreed and thought he was joking tbh, but he wasn’t and he got really angry at which point he got up and turned to me saying ‘fuck you’. He thinks we owe him an apology for laughing at him when actually we just thought the whole thing was ridiculous.

Leave a box of matches in the loo and make sure she lights a couple before leaving - much better than air freshener! But she definitely needs to make sure the loo is clean and empty every time. Your husband sounds very unreasonable though if he can't cope with criticism, or apologise.

my first one!

DH can’t monitor her food obviously but why is DD not using air freshener & flushing/plunging?

Fuck I op you're scraping the bottom of the barrel here...Just grow up. No one believes this tread is real. Happily you'll break up from school soon and mummy will take you on holiday ... daddy won't go because he knows you're a dick

I think people here can sometimes think unreasonable behaviour must be made up. Sadly i know many people who show controlling behaviour the the OP describes. He’s clearly wrong though. Laughing at him is entirely appropriate. Don’t apologise.

He sounds mental

Both DD and DH are being ridiculous. An adult shouldn't be leaving any evidence of shit in the toilet regardless of their diet and tbh I would probably blow up at someone if they repeatedly did that in my home. It's beyond disrespectful unless they are a very small child perhaps.
Dictating another adults diet is ludicrous although I might forget to buy certain things while I'm using my time and money to do the shopping. Especially if they thought so little of me that they often left shit for me to find.

I agree dd should already know, at her age, to make sure flush has worked before leaving bathroom and smell minimised out of respect for others. Lit match is good ( I get terrible migraine from air freshener) as long as the match is soaked in water before dispoal in bin. Open windows etc.

As for husband, he sounds a controlling knob. Thinks he is entitled to know what she is eating as he is funding her studies............
Sounds a bit nuts. So is he hoping she will reveal she is eating some forbidden item (what would that even be?) so he can suitably admonish her. I think its very upsetting that he doesnt seem to see his daughter is an adult, as another human to respect.
Dad: this is how to alienate your daughter..

Dried fruit has lots of sugar, sometimes prepared with sulfur too. It might be making her extra gassy. Does your home have more than one bathroom?

Totally bizarre behaviour from your dh

Two words. Toilet spray. Use it.

What is she doing to sort out the toilet?

So DD has stepped up and now things resolved in this way. It’s just the aftermath of the way it was dealt with which feels uncomfortable. The absurd behaviour of DH and the way he spoke to me.

Thanks. This is a good point. Yes we have 2 toilets in the house.

OP, I know this isn't funny but it did make me laugh because WTAF.

DH is wrong. He cannot control what DC eats, regardless of what he pays for or not, so that is just inane.

Can you ask your daughter to just make sure she cleans the toilet after she goes and maybe employ some air freshener?

Also, "fuck you" is childish but kind of funny. He probably felt ganged up on and retorted like a child.

Maybe she is inadvertently annoying him in other ways and this was the line he drew in the sand that day.

I don't understand why everyone should be aware of the poo, her diet must be unhealthy or strange if there is a residual smell but the fact that the poo remains in unbelievable

You don’t leave your poo for others to admire and show her how to open the bathroom window and where the air freshener is / did you say she was 10?

@Foghornhooter So she doesn't clean up after herself? That's worrisome at 21. I expect better of my youngest 13 y old son.

As for smell- it might be something in her diet or ibs. But some Glade normally sort that out.

Invest in some VIPoo.

He sounds unhinged tbh.

My H and I eat the same pretty healthy diet….. his bathroom needs a nuclear warning whilst mine is ok.
Btw he’s ALWAYS been like this - on holiday I make him find the hotel loos as it’s so bad sharing a bathroom with him. We haven’t shared a bathroom at home for 40 years - he’s also banned from downstairs loo for obvious reasons.
One of our children is just like him too whilst the other isn’t.
Just saying diet might not be the answer!
Despite all this I love him to bits and he puts up with my draconian loo rules …… and has always been a very happy husband.

You need to stop laughing at his inappropriate behaviour because it sends mixed messages. He has a genuine concern, in his eyes. When he raises it you laugh at him. He learns nothing just feels got at.

A better reaction would be a cold, ‘that’s not appropriate, leave her alone, you’re making us uncomfortable.’.
He needs to know that there are boundaries.

There could be differences in your micro biomes caused all sorts of things- disruption from antibiotics for example. Have you ever made an effort to bolster it? Things like kimchi, sauerkraut, yogurt, all kinds of fermented foods, every day. And perhaps fibre supplements. I think it’s helped me.

Obviously your DH is being inappropriate and a dick, however your DD is also being very unreasonable to leave the bathroom stinking and with floaters in the loo. She is welcome to eat what she wants, but she needs to leave the bathroom in the state in which she finds it. Can she open a window? I would invest in a botte of VIPoo (which is great for covering up nasty smells) and tell her that she needs to make sure the loo is clean and empty before she comes out.

Yes we have ‘real’Greek yoghurt every morning, we both take good bacteria supplements too. We both have fibre in our diets. We eat exactly the same food.
We haven’t had antibiotics for donkey’s years either - we’re pretty healthy I think.
He's just different to me as regards smelly poo (and has been for over 40 years) as is one of our children (from birth). Our other child is just like me hardly any odour at all.