School needs to give detentions for missed homework!

[Pineapplewhip]

I'm sick of nagging my Year 7 DC to do their fucking homework! The only school consequence of them not doing it is 1 behaviour point on their points system. Its a total non-punishment as nothing happens with any of the points - even if they mount up.

Should parents be expected to motivate and punish the kids for missing homework when the school just let it go all the time? "In my day" no homework = detention. Then during detention we would do the homework + additional work. My parents never knew what homework I had or hadn't done and kept on top of me doing it?

My DC is terrified of detention - so it would absolutely be a perfect consequence and would keep me out of it!

Im just feeling guilty and totally lethargic at the end of the school year!

Presumably if they collect enough points they do suffer a more serious consequence though?

Let it go OP. Do they even need homework at this stage in the school year and when it's so hot. They should be in a swimming pool or something instead.

I don’t really agree with punishment consequences for lack of effort. Some kids just aren’t interested in school work.

There's regular threads here about how unfair it is on the parents to give detention to kids. Even if it's scheduled, people still complain about changed routines, sports missed, childcare plans disrupted. Schools can't win.

They do in many, many schools.

Should parents be expected to motivate and punish the kids for missing homework

Erm, yes.

About twice or three times a year I find myself posting the usual statement:

Please stop outsourcing parenting to schools.

Schools can provide structure, framework, homework etc, but they can't directly provide inner motivation, self discipline, and bring a sense of purpose and direction. They can foster it, but it's the home life where people succeed.

Occasionally you get a great teacher who rules through inspiration and not fear and people are motivated to go above their usual to deliver work for them

But my message is the same, please can folk just recognise that the job of parent is to encourage and enable their child to see why things are important etc.

I don't agree with detentions for missed homework in year 7. Yes homework does become more important. However i think that if detentions are given for missed homework they become less effective.

My kids know I’m way scarier than a detention. That’s why homework is always completed on time and to a high standard in our house. I don’t need school to be involved frankly, though I do appreciate them flagging anything up if we miss it.

Mine gets £40 at the end of every half term if there are no detentions or negative behaviour points for that period. And she also misses out on a bollocking from me. In 2 years, we’ve only had one half term where she failed to keep to that agreement and missed out on the money and got a stern word from her dad and I instead. Actually parenting really does work if you do it.

OP, pass this responsibility to them. There is scant evidence homework actually makes much difference to academic outcomes and you making them do it is preventing them from learning about this. Secondary school teachers are not expecting you to do this.

You might find when this isn't a fight with you, they do it. I do ask if she has homework and when she might do it if it is going to be time consuming as she is busy doing lots of extra curricular stuff, but she gets it done. I don't monitor it via an app, although I could.

Her school don't give detentions for this sort of stuff either. They are a bit more fierce about uniform infringements but equally I leave that to her.

I came to the conclusion that someone at home nagging me about work that needed doing would be intolerable for me, my parents never got involved and I did well at school for myself plus I'd rather she messed this up at the start of secondary than at the end.

That said, I will help if asked and I have made it clear they staying up late to finish homework wouldn't be acceptable. This is DC3. DC1 was very dramatic about homework, on the edge of an emotional collapse during Year 7 but worked it out later and did really well, DC2 did the bare minimum, never got into trouble and did surprisingly alright and now DC3 is pretty independent and seems to be doing enough to do pretty well too with no drama. I think we are significantly more relaxed about it now.

The teen years can be tricky. I am trying to let her make her own decisions and keep my suggestions to a minimum. What I wanted was a house with minimum conflict and I'm more committed to that than her getting any particular sort of results at school. That's her look out. We are very proud of her and tell her lots and we will provide support but she needs to drive it.

No, OP, because we are up against this attitude - 'Oh, my kids have done no work and can't be arsed with the free education they are fortunate enough to receive? Well, they don't really like it see, so, no, they won't be staying for the detention you have set them.'

And they'll just complain in due course that they didn't have the same opportunities and that's why they couldn't get a job etc.

I think in most school you do get detention for not completing homework maybe with a bit of discretion for one offs.

This 100%

Year 7 is 12. They are KIDS. And it's bloody summer! Most other western countries have broken up by now apart from us 🙄

Give them a break!

I was really rooting for you and thinking you had a great system going until the last sentence. When I read that I just thought - wow what an arsehole...

I made it pretty clear from my post I've been on at my DC for the majority of the year.

Haha! Theyre in the pool now 🙃

The homeworks literally 10 minutes every other night if that - why cant they just get on with it grrrr!

Well, yes, I do think parents have a role to support homework being done. My dds know there'll be no lifts to any of the fun stuff they want to do is homework isn't done.

But school should be enforcing it too. At my dds' school they get a sanction point if not done and have to get it done for the next day, if not done then then they automatically get a detention. I had imagined that was pretty standard.

But to be fair, why should the school be making your kids do something you can't make them do? It's homework, for home. It's your job to make sure it gets done. I know it's not easy. I would support not having it till more like year 9 tbh but it will be the same then in terms of nagging etc you just have to do it.

I disagree. I'd never punish dc for struggling to complete work but they have to at least try!

Life is full of things I might not especially want to do but need to be done!

As PP said I would turn it around and reward no negatives over a period of time (make it realistic for where they are) rather than focusing on negatives

I encourage my children to do their homework but once they are at secondary school I do also think it’s up to them to manage it and deal with any repercussions if they don’t. If the school aren’t bothered enough about the homework to give consequences for not doing it, then I’m not going to make a big deal about it. My teens have long school days and lots of extra curricular activities, so I’ve never been the biggest fan of homework anyway.

I’m lost as to why I’m being quoted in relation to this attitude. I was interested in schoolwork and made the most of the educational opportunities I had. Some kids aren’t and won’t. They really shouldn’t need threats to do a bit of homework.

When my son started junior school the rules was if your didn't do homework you stayed in at break to do it. He said so it's a choice then? Do it at home or do it at break and I told him doing it at break is supposed to be a punishment but if you want to choose it then that's up to you. When he was in year 6 there was no consequences at school for not doing homework due to staffing restrictions in COVID so he did no homework at all. With the same options at secondary school of do it at home or break time detention and he never missed doing his homework at all (although he's fine it in the way to school a few times). I've never asked him to do his homework at secondary school and hopefully it's helped him build internal motivation to do work on his own that will help with college and beyond.

Detention for missed work doesn’t help the ND students get their work done.

We have worked hard over the years to help our dd with her executive function skills and get better about managing her homework.

Parents of non-ND children need to do the work too. Whatever barriers your child has to completing their work, you need to sit down and figure them out. You can ask the school to work with you.

If you think your child personally needs a school based punishment, then work with the school to get that in place for him.

I would say it would appear that the school isn’t that bothered by homework either if there is no real consequence to not doing it.
I would just leave them to it with the knowledge that eventually it will catch up with them. At that point you can try to help but don’t nag, it’s not worth it.

I left it to them and they would have to take the consequences if they didn’t. Get it done which was detention if it happened regularly. However if you want them to do it can’t you say it has to be done before tv or games console is used for example? Or set aside a certain day after school when they don’t have other clubs/sports that is designated for homework and it has to be done before anything else?

First and foremost it’s the parents responsibility.