AIBU to feel upset after my ex criticised me addressing my weight?

[BigFatJessica]

I still keep in loose contact with my ex who I met at university, we were part of the same friendship group and got together quite some time after graduation but just drifted apart. TBH I didn't want to commit and I'd outgrown him, he wanted more from me than I could really give. It wasn't an acrimonious split. I was a size 10 then and now I am a 16/18 having gradually gained 6 stone in weight from lockdown time, and continuing with bad habits. I've started to address it and lost 6lbs in just over two weeks by more exercise (walking) and replacing things, eg cutting out rubbish on a gradual basis. I do not intend to use any jabs or medication to lose weight.

I'm quite short, and though I don't look too bad from the front, from the side I look like a barrel as I am apple shaped.

I've had a few bereavements and losses over those years too, including pets, and a very radical work change and illness, so a lot of emotional stuff has led to comfort eating, and I suppose addiction to sweet things. I'm trying hard to address it but I want it to be sensible and gradual.

I met him yesterday for a quick drink as he was meeting friends later and I was in town. He remarked on my weight and said I needed to do something as I would end up with type 2 diabetes. I told him I had started to, and he just said "It's been going on for years Jess" and then I mentioned that I'd started swapping croissants and muffins for natural live yogurt and some fruit, eg strawberries, "They're full of sugar". He then went on about all the loose skin I would get, and that I can't do zumba or aerobics because I'm too heavy and would damage my joints.

I said that for evening meals I was having things like mediterranean veg and feta, chicken stir fry, chicken and veg and spaghetti bolognese, which I make from scratch so I know what goes in, and I don't use things like sauces, I make my own passata. "Spaghetti bolognese is full of calories".

I know he is being an arse, and I don't really know (or care) why, though, the whole thought of losing weight has now depressed me.

He's an ex for a reason right? Just stop seeing him

Well he deliberately was very negative and critical instead of kind and supportive. Which is a bit shit of him. Is he really a friend? Why do you still meet up with him?

Ignore him.

I’ve lost ten and a half stone in 2 years. I’m still about three stone off my ideal weight, but I’m getting there. He has no idea how difficult it can be.

If you bother to see him again and if he starts to dish out this crap again, politely ask him to mind his own business as you know everything he's telling you and he's damaging your friendship.
If he can't accept that then the friendship would be over for me.

Op (i can't call you by your name) you are doing fantastic. Ignore the twat of the ex.... he's an ex for a reason x big hugs x

Just stop meeting up with him. You're aware that you need to eat more healthily and you're actively addressing it. Well done you 😊
You don't need either his negativity or his company!

What an absolute twat. And I hate that you felt you had to justify yourself or your food choices to him! What do you gain from this supposed friendship? He’s judgemental, critical and nasty. Good for you on the walking and 6lb loss already, you sound motivated and sensible. Surround yourself with kind decent people who love and appreciate you. Don’t let this unpleasant meeting make you feel bad.

If you meet up with him under the illusion that he’s a friend - he’s not. Cut him loose. x

Just re-read your OP more carefully. He “remarked on your weight”?? Wow. I wonder why he thinks that’s acceptable! I’d have left at that point.

Ugh, I don't think it was his place to mention your weight at all, but if he really had to, he should have stopped after the diabetes concern bit.

As for what you are now eating, it sounds healthy and normal/balanced to me (I am a normal weight). As for spag bol having calories, it's meant to have some calories, it's your evening meal! I think you are very sensible in moving slowly to a fairly healthy but normal diet, not doing a rushed/faddy diet.

I'd be wary asking on here though as some people have very extreme views on diet and will say similar things to your ex.

You're doing great and he's boarded the bitter bus! Ignore him, stop meeting up, move on!

Just say to him that you just recently lost 12 stone when you split up.

Who made him the body police.

Unfortunately mentioning that you are aiming to lose weight seems to guarantee that someone will tell you that you are doing it wrong. 6 lbs in two weeks is great progress. Ignore your ex.

That's amazing, well done you!

Why on earth did you justify yourself by telling him you're making swaps etc? Tell him to f off and stop meeting him. Who is he to make pronouncements about your weight?!

I didn't really do that to justify myself, it was just making conversation.

The mistake was to continue to make conversation after he commented on your weight, presumably unprompted by anything you said beforehand. He has no right to comment on your weight, and to suggest that you might get T2 diabetes! Honestly that would have pissed me off so much that I wouldn't have stayed and that would have been the end of the conversation. Or I'd have told him exactly what I thought about him offering an opinion on my weight without being asked for it.

Id be tempted to point out that unless he's got a golden cock he's no picnic either. Why is he a frenemy? Yes you might get type 2 diabetes but he might drop dead of a heart attack or brain tumour. Why does he think it's acceptable to attack your self esteem like that? Is his self esteem that poor he needs to pick yours apart? Because this isn't about you it's about him. I bet you are lovely and sexy and gorgeous just as you are. So do it for you and noone else..

But for each remark he made, you're justifying yourself with 'I eat this, I do this'. You owe this bloke NOTHING. Wouldn't be seeing him again personally.

You're not obligated to make conversation on premises you don't like. It's ok to take a step back and say this is not a discussion I will be having with you. You absolutely were justifying your actions to him, and by doing that you gave him the power.

It never ceases to amaze me why people think they have a right to comment on other's weight - they have no idea what is going on in people's lives that causes weight changes. Just count your lucky stars he is an ex.

Ignore him and just focus on you. A 6lb loss is an amazing start and you will get there. You don't need to justify what you eat or your weight to anyone.

Losing weight is hard (trust me, I have lost 8.5 stone with another 3 to go) and is made much harder by people making comments.

Berries are not full of sugar. Lose him or get better boundaries

Don't bother with him again. How dare he make uninvited comments on your weight! Don't feel you have to justify what you eat to him, us or anyone. What a condescending prick, no wonder he is an ex.

Lose 14 stone easily. Ditch him as a friend.