AIBU to feel upset after my ex criticised me addressing my weight?

[BigFatJessica]

I still keep in loose contact with my ex who I met at university, we were part of the same friendship group and got together quite some time after graduation but just drifted apart. TBH I didn't want to commit and I'd outgrown him, he wanted more from me than I could really give. It wasn't an acrimonious split. I was a size 10 then and now I am a 16/18 having gradually gained 6 stone in weight from lockdown time, and continuing with bad habits. I've started to address it and lost 6lbs in just over two weeks by more exercise (walking) and replacing things, eg cutting out rubbish on a gradual basis. I do not intend to use any jabs or medication to lose weight.

I'm quite short, and though I don't look too bad from the front, from the side I look like a barrel as I am apple shaped.

I've had a few bereavements and losses over those years too, including pets, and a very radical work change and illness, so a lot of emotional stuff has led to comfort eating, and I suppose addiction to sweet things. I'm trying hard to address it but I want it to be sensible and gradual.

I met him yesterday for a quick drink as he was meeting friends later and I was in town. He remarked on my weight and said I needed to do something as I would end up with type 2 diabetes. I told him I had started to, and he just said "It's been going on for years Jess" and then I mentioned that I'd started swapping croissants and muffins for natural live yogurt and some fruit, eg strawberries, "They're full of sugar". He then went on about all the loose skin I would get, and that I can't do zumba or aerobics because I'm too heavy and would damage my joints.

I said that for evening meals I was having things like mediterranean veg and feta, chicken stir fry, chicken and veg and spaghetti bolognese, which I make from scratch so I know what goes in, and I don't use things like sauces, I make my own passata. "Spaghetti bolognese is full of calories".

I know he is being an arse, and I don't really know (or care) why, though, the whole thought of losing weight has now depressed me.

is he an adonis?

No he isn't!

Well of course this so called “friendship” is now over, no wonder he’s an ex! What a prick.

Tell him to fuck off and worry about his own health/weight etc

Don't rise to the bait and do not put yourself in that situation again. He is a fecker trying to make himself feel better at your expense.

Charitably, he may well have thought he was being kind when he commented that your weight was unhealthy.

However, when you said that you agreed and were doing something about it, it was very unkind of him to accuse you of either being all talk and no action, or being clueless. The only correct response was “well done, let me know how if you need any support”.

He is an ex for a reason. I think from what you say that you split up about 6 years ago, right? This is probably now the time just to cut contact completely as he adds nothing to your life.

Good luck. I’m interested that you stated in your OP that you had no intention of using WLI. Why did you feel the need to say that? It comes across as a bit critical of those who do. Was he trying to convince you to use them?

Whoa shut down any talk about your weight immediately! It’s none of his business. You don’t need to explain, defend or otherwise share your eating habits! If you see him again and he raises it ‘how’s the diet going’ tell him ‘none of your business, it’s not a subject I will talk about’.

I’d use his very rude interaction as incentive and enjoy the look on his face in a years time when I’d lost a lot of weight. Well done op you’ve got this x

How dare he. You've made the decision to do the best thing for your body by trying to make healthier swaps. It is, quite frankly, none of his business. Nobody else has any say in what you put into, or do with, your body.

Shake off the conversation, do some exercise if you can, so you feel motivated again.

Motivation isn't where you begin - motivation FOLLOWS action and discipline, not the other way around. (Something astonishing that I only learned recently - it's true! We've all been mis-sold.)

Good luck, you've got this!x

Leave the ex where he is. In the past.

Does his opinion matter to you?

Well, he's never quite got over you dumping him, has he?

Guess he's had a while to work out how best to knock a woman's confidence out of her - is he by any chance single and hoping you'll lower your bar if he tells you how bad he thinks you look?

No he never mentioned it. I don't want to use them because I'm averse to medication generally unless absolutely necessary and it was not meant as a criticism of anyone.

I just wanted to update you that I have now managed to lose a whole stone, since the second week of June. I'm feeling so pleased with myself. I couldn't believe the scales this morning!

Oh well done Jessica ! That's amazing, keep going.
It's never easy losing weight and keeping it off.
Did you ditch the X ?

Fabulous, well done!

Oh my god, what a fucking prick!!! NEVER meet up with him again.

I was a size 10 at uni, tall and skinny, I’ve put a few stone on since then and I’m aware of it,
Well done you for trying to be healthy x

First response nailed it.

Well, at least you were lucky enough to date, at least for a while, a man with the looks of Brad Pitt, the charm of George Clooney, and the brains of Stephen Hawking. Or…

If you see him again take great pleasure in telling him he’s no supermodel and when did it become acceptable for him to neg people? Especially when he’s coming from a low base himself.

Practice this line op

”of the many many good things about not being with you, perhaps the best is that no longer have to pretend to give a single fuck about what you think”.

and mean it.

And never ever ever justify yourself to a man. Ever.

How did you lose a stone eating all that spag bol and strawberries?

Amazing! Great effort @BigFatJessica, you should feel proud of yourself!

The second you have to defend the foods you’re eating to someone you should be out of there. Special mention for my huge peeve, people going on about the sugar in yoghurts because they’re on the extreme end of dieting- if you’re having any relatively healthy yoghurt (ie not a flake or a mars one or something), instead of a pastry you’re on the right path. He sounds insufferable!!!!

Oh yes!

@Morepositivemum I only have natural live yogurt. I don't like flavoured yogurt as it feels too sweet for me. I have it with berries,

@BigFatJessica try proper Greek yoghurt e.g. Fage and add in a table spoon of Chia seed.