Do mums overpack and overthink compared with dads taking toddlers out?

[ItsBritanyBitchh]

Not really an Aibu but I keep thinking about it and its making me laugh / smile.

My mum takes DD1 on a Wednesday while we work. Anyway, my mum went on holiday and I hadn't realised until a few weeks before that we would have to take time to look after DD. So I took Wednesday last week off work, DP took Wednesday just passed off.

Anyway, we have glorious weather and I was working from home. Late afternoon I said i was taking our dog out as it was cooler and I was quiet in work. I only took her to the local park for a v.quick walk and so she could splash about in the stream.

Ten minutes into my walk I had a text from DP asking where I was and that he and DD were going to meet me. I hadn't seen it straight aeay and then I saw them both in the park.

And omg. DD was wearing green strippy dress, christmas bandana/bib (we use these sometimes but never out in public!), blue sunhat, yellow socks, black shoes and pink sunglasses (okay. She only had one pair). I couldn't stop laughing. Every item was a different colour and didnt match at all. Apparently he doesnt know where certain clothes lives so rummaged through DD nursery bag for stuff (the manky stuff!!).

I also couldn't help but laugh that the only thing he had on him was keys and his phone. I know park only 5 mins from house but he didnt pack anything.. no water. No wipes, nothing. He didnt even have a pram, or trike, he just carried her. When I questioned how mad that was he was surprised "well, the rest is just faff! If I needed anything id go home or pop to shop!". It got me thinking, have men got it right? Do we create work for ourselves or do u also think this is bonkers!!!

Light hearted post 🩷
Feel free to share similar stories xx

I can honestly say that it has never occurred to me to match socks to any other element of an outfit on an ordinary day. Special occasion, sure to choosing nicer garments, but for a five-minute trip to the park on a hot day? Sunscreen and hat, clothes a distant third.

Haha you're not alone in this. My DH increasingly lets our 2-year-old choose her own clothes, even when she goes for stuff that totally clashes or is weather-inappropriate, whereas I control the choices by pre-selecting only items that I think go together and letting her pick between them. I have been horrified by some of DD's clothing combinations when she's out with her dad! (Funnily enough though he says he reckons she looks genuinely better on the days when he dresses her, and I do have form for 'out there' taste, so maybe what I think looks nice is actually raising everyone else's eyebrows?!).

On the broader topic... both over-thinking and under-thinking obviously have their downsides. I am chaotic and impulsive by nature so I have always over-compensated by packing huge amounts of elaborately arranged stuff for every day trip with DD. Inevitably though I end up forgetting the one crucial thing, like her swimming costume for the swimming lesson, or her water bottle, and having to go back or make a spontaneous purchase. It's all a bit silly.

I've started keeping a 'ready to go out any time' bag by the door that I can grab and leave with to avoid all the faff. It contains: wipes, tissues, one set of spare clothes, plasters, hand gel, water, scrap paper and crayons, a blanket for sitting on, a sun hat, sun cream and a book for ME). It's liberating!

I wouldn't care about the outfit (although, he should be able to find his own children's clothes, and I hope he will be re-packing the nursery bag!)

TBH I always hated buggies and trikes and stuff so would have walked carried too.

BUT on a day like this, I'd have brought a bag with snack/water/wipes/sunblock whatever we normally need. Mainly because I wouldn't want to take a hot, tired, sweaty child into a shop (and pay premium prices for things I have at home)

Ex wouldn't have, because yes, he always said 'it will sort itself out' - when of course, what he meant was I would sort it out or he would get cross and spend a huge (relatively) amount of money rather than put any effort into anything.

My kids are teens now, and if we're going out, I still have mini medical kit, water bottle etc.

And it proves itself - DS1 got a nosebleed on the plane home - out came the tissues first, then the wetwipes second - all sorted. Headache? No problem, here's the pills. Sliced finger? Here's a plaster. It's just common sense.

I wouldn't have even left noticed it wasn't co-ordinated. She's tiny, who cares if her clothes match. I think it's weird you even picked up on it as funny.

yes. all they do is get messy. and they don't care.

I think most men don't even think about matching outfits for their kids, because it's not a skill we've ever had to cultivate for themselves.

My wardrobe consists of either blue or black jeans, or blue or dark green shorts. Top half consists of t-shirts of many different colours, a couple of polo necks, and one or two shirts. And then there's the suit.

There is nothing in my wardrobe therefore that doesn't match with everything else. I can pull any two items out at random and be good to go.

And this is how most men shop and dress. So when DD came along and suddenly I had to deal with this concept of her owning clothes that don't match with each other, I was thoroughly lost. DP used to properly take the piss out of me for some of her outfits.

we just leave a permanent tote under the buggy with nappies and wipes and clothes and sun cream water and snacks

then nobody needs to remember anything

I've noticed a generation change in my family. I had four kids, we had no car so only ever took minimum carefully worked out. DD and DDIL have cars as do their husbands. The cars seems to be filled with everything but the kitchen sink no difference with sex but definitely generation change but I guess families with no car are still more like me so I suppose it is a car/no car difference really.

For a trip to park I’d carry water at least, maybe a little snack and if still in nappies a nappy bag. If not might just take water, a snack and some sort of toy like a digger or pail to play with in the stream. If a possibility of getting wet maybe a change of clothes. I don’t think that’s excessive. If you have a sopping wet kid it’s not going to be the end of the world but that would immediately cut the visit short and you’d have to go home.

Further to the above - the outfit wouldn’t have bothered me at all

But if home was only five minutes away then you wouldn't have to cut the visit short. You'd just nip home quickly to sort out the problem and then return to the park, surely?

I absolutely loathe carrying bags or anything so will take the bare minimum but it’s obviously a lot easier now as my kids are older.

Took the kitchen sink with my first, little more relaxed with my second but would generally always have a bag with nappies, wipes, water etc

In my experience, a lot of men just about remember the kid.

5 mins from the house, I’d probably take water and sun cream if it was a hot day, that’s about it.

I know it's lighthearted, but he took your kid out in this heat without even a drink of water or a reasonable way to give it. Yes they could walk home every time she wanted a drink, then a wee etc but he just didn't bother thinking about what was best for her. I don't get the "giggle giggle aren't men so cute" thing.

I think that the rules on matching go out of the window in hot weather. Might be because I live near to the beach and holiday makers seem to have an anything goes attitude which is catching. No judgement it seems as long as you're decently covered but that isn't always guaranteed.

Except a 5 minute walk home is never just a 19 minute job. 5 minutes home with an upset child eho doesn't want to leave, get hoem, go looking for clothes, change her, drop wet stuff in kitchen, get you both a drink, then she needs a nappy change, by which point she's forgot about the park and you just don't bother going back.

A drink and hat would suffice & sun cream applied before leaving. Oh and a tissue in a pocket and money for a potential ice cream.

Why would you need nappies You are 5 mins from home if they poo, just take them back

It took my SIL 45 minutes (we timed him) to pack a bag so we could go to a chain Italian restaurant for dinner with a 5 year old.

When 5 year old was a baby, he insisted they took two cars on holiday because he saidthey couldn't get everything a baby needed in one car!

I do think that is excessive.

If you were planning on spending the entire day out, then fair enough.

But you don’t need to take all that when you’re only going 5mins from your house.

They definitely don’t need a snack or change of clothes.
If they get wet or hungry then you just go home.

Even OP says she doesn’t take nappies, as if they need changing she’d take them home and do it.

I agree@SummerInSun no one learns anything when micro managed. Dh was a disaster for forgetting things, in general. It was almost painful to not get involved. I'd sometimes ask if he needed to talk through anything beforehand and he would usually do that. There was the time he went to bring DS for a visit and a walk but didn't notice he had no shoes on so had to drive to a shopping centre and buy new shoes, after that he always double checked shoes. Same thing happened with a coat once, then coats were double checked. Recently it happened with the dog, he forgot a lead and had to double back to a pet shop and run in and buy a new one. He now keeps one in his car. I suspect there were many more emergency trips to the shop for wipes or water or snacks that I wasn't told about! But it's how he learned and they were always well looked after.

So Dad's plan was to go back home if anyone's needed - he would've carried her!! Different plan. Don't get so het up about nothing.

Some do.

Personally I’ve always been a minimalist packer.

No need for 80% of the stuff some people cart around

Depends on the individual-some men do, some women do.
It is possibly still true that mums are less likely to work FT in the early stages, and if you're the one doing most of the kid stuff daily, you just get used to it so can do it more quickly/know exactly what you might need.
Doesn't mean dads can't, it's just like if I've been doing a job a year and you are a new starter/you only work a few hours in my role, you probably won't find it second nature like I do.