Do mums overpack and overthink compared with dads taking toddlers out?

[ItsBritanyBitchh]

Not really an Aibu but I keep thinking about it and its making me laugh / smile.

My mum takes DD1 on a Wednesday while we work. Anyway, my mum went on holiday and I hadn't realised until a few weeks before that we would have to take time to look after DD. So I took Wednesday last week off work, DP took Wednesday just passed off.

Anyway, we have glorious weather and I was working from home. Late afternoon I said i was taking our dog out as it was cooler and I was quiet in work. I only took her to the local park for a v.quick walk and so she could splash about in the stream.

Ten minutes into my walk I had a text from DP asking where I was and that he and DD were going to meet me. I hadn't seen it straight aeay and then I saw them both in the park.

And omg. DD was wearing green strippy dress, christmas bandana/bib (we use these sometimes but never out in public!), blue sunhat, yellow socks, black shoes and pink sunglasses (okay. She only had one pair). I couldn't stop laughing. Every item was a different colour and didnt match at all. Apparently he doesnt know where certain clothes lives so rummaged through DD nursery bag for stuff (the manky stuff!!).

I also couldn't help but laugh that the only thing he had on him was keys and his phone. I know park only 5 mins from house but he didnt pack anything.. no water. No wipes, nothing. He didnt even have a pram, or trike, he just carried her. When I questioned how mad that was he was surprised "well, the rest is just faff! If I needed anything id go home or pop to shop!". It got me thinking, have men got it right? Do we create work for ourselves or do u also think this is bonkers!!!

Light hearted post 🩷
Feel free to share similar stories xx

I wouldn't take anything to the park a 5 minute walk from our house either. Tbh DH and I are opposite. If I take the kids for a day out it'll be a water bottle and a few flapjacks in my handbag (we're out of the nappy years, I'd have taken nappies and wipes obviously!). DH takes a full backpack, changes of clothes, coats, a full camelback of water etc.

She doesnt need a coordinated outfit but when I dress her yes I do match things because she has plenty of stuff and its all in drawer / cupboard so why not? Unless its a messy activity.. plus it all didnt match as he rummaged nursery bag! Dont really know what's odd about matching outfit. I dont go out and buy random stuff for her. Like my outfit yes things match unless it'd a messy activity or nursery!deeply odd is such an exaggerated term. U ok?

I’d have the usual sort of stuff in my handbag anyway - tissues, hand gel etc. 5 mins from home I wouldn't have bothered with anything else either.

I think mums can fuss too much. That’s why kids are less resilient these days.

Does he pack anything if going further away from the house where you can't just pop back? Nappies water and wipes is bare minimum I'd take. Though I'd pop extra clothes in case of nappy leak or getting filthy or wet. Men just don't seem to give a shit, as pp pointed out, they know some woman would help if needed.

I dont take nappies if staying local as I am not gonna change her on a bench or on street so id go home. But always wipes and water.

Know in the early days he did then I took over and offered to pack nappy bag all the time and now it sits fully stocked should we need to go anywhere (minus water!)

There’s a happy medium. I took the kitchen sink at first but then I reduced to bare essentials, spare nappy, wipes, a bag to put nappy in (we used cloth) and once stopped breast feeding, a drink. I would pack extra if i knew I needed it but not just in case. I could fit these essentials in my normal largish handbag

That's how I used to do it because DH would inevitably forget something and usually it was an important something 😂

We used to always unpack it each time for some reason 🤣🤣 just creating work!

Women/mothers definitely overthink more than men.

But you seem to be on the extreme side of that.

I definitely wouldn’t have been bothered about the outfit and i definitely wouldn’t have taken out wipes etc.

I may have taken a drink but definitely nothing else.
I doubt I would have even taken the drink if we were so close to home and not going to be long.

Absolutely not!! My husband takes about three times as much stuff as me when taking ours out!! Think it’s more dependent on personality type tbh.

My husband is the organised one. Our kids are 6 and 7 and if we're going out for the day he's the one who remembers water and snacks. He tends to pack their school bags, too.

I do think there's a happy medium, and I do think some people make life harder for themselves than it has to be.

Extreme?! I would have taken wipes and water?! How's that extreme!!

It’s 5 minutes from home so I wouldn’t have taken much. Maybe water but he’s right- you can buy that.

I don’t think I have ever matched my children’s socks to their outfits (well, my 11 year old does now but that’s her choice now and when I say match I mean wear Nike socks with everything).

I think I always over plan. I would have taken nappies, wipes and water. I always used to take spare clothes as well (but it was more than 5 minutes walk from the house) just incase. I don't think I ever needed them though.
I guess it's his choice to carry her but I would have found that too hot and used the pushchair.
The outfit is hilarious, only a dad would dress his child like that.

Just to clarify! I wasnt too bothered about outfit it just made me laugh as it was just soo random. And, this is the big, and, It was from her nursery bag instead of her everyday clothes. So i wasnt bothered or offended it made me laugh. Dont know why people are making out i was annoyed or bothered.

So what’s the issue then?

He took what you normally take, minus the water and wipes?

Most people wouldn’t take wipes anyway.

You tell me! You said I was extreme.

This is why it is so valuable for Dads to have proper one on one time when they are responsible for caring for the DC all day. When I went back to work when DS was 9 months old and DH was starting his 3 months’ paternity leave looking after DS, a friend gave me the very sensible advice not to micromanage but leave him to it so he learnt to think about what was needed, not just grab a bag I’d sorted before work. The sky wouldn’t fall in if he forgot to restock the nappy bag and had to do an emergency trip to a store for nappies or wipes or whatever while out, and he’d likely only make the mistake once!

Infact, dont tell me (my last comment back). We both think differently and thats okay. I am slightly irritable today after said child passed her nursery bug to me and I have gotten it 1000 times worse. I hope you have glorious weather where you are. Have a nice Friday x

Back in the day when mine were babies/toddlers i'd have packed everything, including the kitchen sink.

I don't get the issue with the outfit but would always take out wipes, a nappy (minimum) and a drink

I don't think this is anything to do with gender, and I certainly don't think that a parent not taking water or a changing bag out is lighthearted or funny. I think it's pathetic, and a sign of being a bad parent.

Unless the parent has significant cognitive issues if assume they were doing a deliberately bad job in order to control the other parent and make sure they pick up the responsibility for the dc in future.

Most men can parent perfectly well.

Is it just me who puts nice matching clothes on their toddler? Lol I dont buy expensive stuff (no point unless an occasion). But i do put her in matching colours, tops, leggings, or match socks to dress etc. I have a pile of old, not so nice clothes that were very cheap and bought for thr purpose of nursery. I put her in those clothes obv for nursery or messy activities ☺️

You started a thread saying how much funny it was that he was so unprepared by only having his phone and keys.

But now you’re saying you would have only taken water and wipes yourself.

So there’s hardly a big difference between you ‘over packing and overthinking’ and him.