Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be upset by my boyfriend's behaviour towards me and nephew?

58 replies

Brooklynboys · 10/07/2026 08:42

My boyfriend has been a dick for the last few weeks. He’s giving up smoking and has been short and snappy with me. He’s made me cry at least once every day with the sheer nastiness. He excuses this saying “you try giving up smoking after 20 years”.

I came home from work on Monday this week with bad period pains and had to lie down in bed. I was asleep for about an hour and then got up. When I got up my nephew (who is 6) rang me and asked if I could play a game of chess on the app with him. For context, my nephew is autistic and struggling a lot at school, he has no friends. Me and my brother have started alternating the days we play chess with him so he feels like he has people who care around him. MY sister (nephews mum) is really grateful for this and says nephew tells his teachers about his “chess family”. I cared a lot for nephew when he was a baby and toddler and obviously love him a lot.

Last night boyfriend had friends over and was laughing and joking with them which was nice. Tension from the last few weeks seemed to have eased. He was talking nicely with me and I was having a nice time with friends.

He initiated sex which was fine, but then after he went upstairs and played on his video games. Went back to saying he was tired and had a long day. Then I caught him staring at me with a blank face when I was making tea, I asked if he was ok, didn’t reply. The look made me feel uneasy, I can’t explain it. It was like a look of hatred.

He started snapping again about minor stuff, including why I was drying my hair when it was hot. Then was saying I was taking up too much room on the couch.

I asked him about his different mood now his friends had gone. His reply was “you’re different with people too. You came home sick Monday but then magically woke up and could play chess with some kid”

The “some kid” comment really upset me. Hes not some kid, he’s family and so lonely. He loves time with his auntie?

I feel so sad, my nephew is a beautiful little boy and values this gone so much. Why can my boyfriend be so happy with his friends, happy to have sex and then become a moody ass again?

He said I was over sensitive and needy. He said I’m making him feel bad for no reason and he’s not in a mood. I’m at a loss

OP posts:
PrayForPlagues · 10/07/2026 20:44

He managed to be pleasant with his mates and stay nice long enough to get his end away, didn’t he? DUMP

AIBU to be upset by my boyfriend's behaviour towards me and nephew?
LandingLights · 10/07/2026 20:46

CamillaMcCauley · 10/07/2026 20:40

No thanks. Decent people don’t take out their problems on those they are supposed to love. If they’re snappy and irritable, they own it and apologise for it.

Exactly. I was snappy and irritable to DH and DS one morning last week because I’d slept incredibly badly and was stressed about work. I phoned DH at work and apologised and made breakfast pancakes for DS to apologise. That was on me.

ilbehonest · 10/07/2026 20:47

LifeTakeTwo · 10/07/2026 08:52

Looking at you with contempt.. you irritating him by minor normal things..

I think that either:

  1. He has the ick/lost attraction.
  1. There's someone else he fancies so is making you a 'villain' of some sort to stop feeling guilty.
  1. When he started talking to you like shit and being mean, seeing you 'put up with it' has made him lose respect for you. If he's been able to treat you badly and talk to you like crap and you accept it, then his standard for how he has to treat you has lowered. He knows he doesn't have to bother with pleasentaries and manners anymore, unless he wants sex or is in front of other people.

Just my guess.

I think if anything she would have the ick?

OP if someone is truly stressed out from quitting smoking his mood would be the same to you, to friends, to family because he simply won't be able to control it. The fact he can for his friends means he's choosing not to for you.

Don't put up with him and his mood swings and don't change your relationship with your nephew for this arsehole.

I know it's a lot harder to do than just saying but id really be thinking of letting this one go..

Snoopey · 10/07/2026 20:52

Leave him. He’s not going to change and this is only going to get worse.

RoseField1 · 10/07/2026 20:52

He sounds absolutely awful. Any reason you aren't yet evaluating the relationship?

HereIsWhatIKnow · 10/07/2026 21:01

You sound lovely.
He sounds awful.
I know you've invested 3 years but he sounds like a moody teenager.
Unless you are certain it's one-off agginess because of the heat and the nicotine withdrawal, I'd be setting an ultimatum/getting my ducks in a row.
Because if he is like this over a fag, but nice to mates and to get his end away, what would he be like if you ever had kids of your own, especially neurodivergent ones?
Manbaby. Who chose to treat you like shit. He needs to do better.

chocoluv · 10/07/2026 21:09

He doesn’t like you OP.

Why are you with someone that doesn’t like you.

He was nice to his mates because he likes them.

He was nice to you for a short while because he wanted sex.

LifeTakeTwo · 10/07/2026 21:12

ilbehonest · 10/07/2026 20:47

I think if anything she would have the ick?

OP if someone is truly stressed out from quitting smoking his mood would be the same to you, to friends, to family because he simply won't be able to control it. The fact he can for his friends means he's choosing not to for you.

Don't put up with him and his mood swings and don't change your relationship with your nephew for this arsehole.

I know it's a lot harder to do than just saying but id really be thinking of letting this one go..

Agreed, she may well soon get the ick.

But one thing I've noted over the years, is that men start treating their partners with contempt when they lose attraction. No idea why. They'll still have sex with them sure. But when they stop fancying their partner the respect towards them stops too. Odd, but something I've observed.

Regardless he's an abusive arsehole and OP sounds lovely so she needs to leave him.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread