AIBU to be upset by my boyfriend's behaviour towards me and nephew?

[Brooklynboys]

My boyfriend has been a dick for the last few weeks. He’s giving up smoking and has been short and snappy with me. He’s made me cry at least once every day with the sheer nastiness. He excuses this saying “you try giving up smoking after 20 years”.

I came home from work on Monday this week with bad period pains and had to lie down in bed. I was asleep for about an hour and then got up. When I got up my nephew (who is 6) rang me and asked if I could play a game of chess on the app with him. For context, my nephew is autistic and struggling a lot at school, he has no friends. Me and my brother have started alternating the days we play chess with him so he feels like he has people who care around him. MY sister (nephews mum) is really grateful for this and says nephew tells his teachers about his “chess family”. I cared a lot for nephew when he was a baby and toddler and obviously love him a lot.

Last night boyfriend had friends over and was laughing and joking with them which was nice. Tension from the last few weeks seemed to have eased. He was talking nicely with me and I was having a nice time with friends.

He initiated sex which was fine, but then after he went upstairs and played on his video games. Went back to saying he was tired and had a long day. Then I caught him staring at me with a blank face when I was making tea, I asked if he was ok, didn’t reply. The look made me feel uneasy, I can’t explain it. It was like a look of hatred.

He started snapping again about minor stuff, including why I was drying my hair when it was hot. Then was saying I was taking up too much room on the couch.

I asked him about his different mood now his friends had gone. His reply was “you’re different with people too. You came home sick Monday but then magically woke up and could play chess with some kid”

The “some kid” comment really upset me. Hes not some kid, he’s family and so lonely. He loves time with his auntie?

I feel so sad, my nephew is a beautiful little boy and values this gone so much. Why can my boyfriend be so happy with his friends, happy to have sex and then become a moody ass again?

He said I was over sensitive and needy. He said I’m making him feel bad for no reason and he’s not in a mood. I’m at a loss

He's an arsehole. Get rid. Giving up smoking is really tough but it is NOT an excuse to treat the people around you like shit. He can get in the bin

Bin.. you dont need to be living with someone that doesnt even pretend to like you.

He doesn't like you. I'm sorry.

He used you for sex. Someone he's meant to love. Thats not on, OP. I think its lovely what you are doing for your nephew and any decent person would, the fact he clearly sees it as silly means he's not nice or smart enough for you.

If this is very recent then I'd say he's just over the relationship, sadly

Hs behaviour towards you is awful. Please get rid of him. Giving up smoking is difficult but he is being abusive with it.

dump him……think to future, if he had something really awful to go through, then how much nastier would he be??? You’d be much better off cutting losses now, imho.

@Brooklynboys

Your boyfriend is a selfish, cruel prick. Simple as. Ditch him.

Sorry OP, this behaviour is just plain nasty. Perhaps he feels the relationship has runs its course but does not want to be the one to jump ship. I am sure you can do better.

I'm sorry OP, he sounds like he's being awful to you.

My husband had an awful 6 weeks giving up smoking. Maybe you could find somewhere else to stay for the short term, just for a bit of space and to get a bit of perspective?

Then after the initial 6 week devil period is over see how he is?

You sound like a wonderful sister and aunt, your nephew is a lucky boy to have an aunt who's so caring.

Some things in life aren't negotiable, you need to figure what's negotiable in your life and what isn't, that's your starting point xxx

Dump this twat immediately. His behaviour is classic abusive bullshit. Giving up smoking doesn't give you the right to treat your partner like shit. And being a twat about you playing chess with your 6 year old autistic nephew is just disgusting. I'd be telling him to fuck right off. If you let him carry on treating you like this it's only going to get worse

You are missing the point if you think this os about his referring to your nephew as “some kid.” The point is he is horrible to you and its getting worse. Dump him.

The nephew part is the least of your problems with this charmer. Unless he gets some kind of therapy that makes him a better person his behaviour will only continue to get worse.

It's obvious why he was nice, he wanted sex and I'm very surprised you haven't worked that out. Once he had sex he reverted back to being a nasty twat.

Get rid of him, being horrible is the real him and the only time he'll change is when he wants something from you. Don't fall for it.

Leave him, quickly.

He sounds abusive and unpleasant. If he can't be supportive of you being kind to your nephew, he doesn't deserve you. You are a lovely auntie and that should be your priority as your family love and appreciate you, unlike your hopefully ex boyfriend.

He's showing you who he is when everything in his life is not perfect. An immature vindictive man-child who is jealous of a vulnerable child rather than proud of you for supporting him. Do not let this pass by, take it from me, it will not get better.

I gave up smoking after 30 years.

Not once was I a twat to my DH about it. That's simply an excuse he's throwing at you to pretend he can't help being horrible.

He can. He's choosing not to.

What is the housing situation? He’s choosing to be a wanker with you but fine with his friends. Hmm.

He's a house devil, street angel. Get rid

He's horrible. This has fuck all to do with smoking.
DH had smoked cigarettes and weed since he was 14, most of his family also smoke both. I do not smoke, do not like smoking, especially around my children. (I didn't know he smoked when we started and then didn't t know we'd be anything serious) He met me at 29, gave up almost immediately. I didn't ask him to. But he knew I didn't like it, and he didn't want DS (our eldest isn't his biological) to grow up like he did and end up the same. He hated DS seeing anything to do with smoking or vaping.

He was not nasty to anyone. He struggled, he was clearly stressed and had a shorter fuse. But in what universe would he ever take that out on us. And he did it FOR us, BECAUSE of us. And he was an incredibly heavy smoker of both. But he's not a prick soo...

The fact he doesn't do it around his friends shows he has control over it. He wants to do it.

Get rid of him for goodness sake. This guy is a total drain. You don’t need that in your life. Dump him and move on. He is abusive.

@Brooklynboys buy him some Nicolette patches or gum, it will ease his cravings and calm him the f*ck down. He doesn’t have to go cold turkey.

You sound like a lovely family rallying round your lonely nephew.

No thanks. Decent people don’t take out their problems on those they are supposed to love. If they’re snappy and irritable, they own it and apologise for it.