AIBU to mind my friend's husband joining our plans every time?

[friendshipscanbehardwork]

I've started noticing a pattern with a friend of mine and I'm not sure if I'm overthinking it.

DH and I are good friends with another couple, and we genuinely enjoy spending time with them together. But quite often now, if I arrange to meet just the wife for drinks or dinner or if she arranges the same with me, I'll get a text really late on always when I'm already on my way saying her husband is coming too.

I like him and we all get on well so it's not that I don't want to see him. It's more that when I make plans with her, I'm expecting a catch-up between the two of us. I'll often have things I want to talk through or vent about that I wouldn't necessarily bring up with him there. Some things are easier to talk about on a 1-to-1 basis.

If it happened occasionally I wouldn't think twice about it, but it's becoming the norm. I feel like she is trying to restrict our socialising to always being all 4 of us.

Would this bother anyone else?

They do do things separately a lot. She might be developing a bit of co-dependence though, just looking back on how things have changed in the past few years.

@Cherrysoup he is anything but controlling I'd say.

In the other thread about this topic that @Zov shared, someone said

"The mad thing is, all she does is slag him off, and talk about how useless he is. It’s very strange" (@Noshowlomo)"
She does a bit of this but not exactly saying he's useless more like interjects into convos to say how he should do things her way.

How close are you as friends?

We have a group of 6 - there are 3 couples and I love the husbands like I love the women but if we want a no husband night, someone planning it will literally just say "and tell Bob and Fred to bugger off, they're not invited!"

How hard is it to be clear with friends? I would tell Bob or Fred myself if needed! 😆

Not exactly bffs but we see each other (as a group) often. My DH and her DH have been friends for more than 15 years (so before he met her).

Might try to jokingly tell her DH he's not invited but don't want to upset him.

They are one of those velcro couples. Try find another friend who can have a night away from her partner. Yanbu. This would bother me too.

Just say "hey sorry John, just the girls this time!" Why would that upset him?

He will probably be relieved!