To expect someone occasionally to say I look nice

[meringuenests]

Full disclosure, I get clothes, I get clothes in the way that some people get football or gardening. I can do clothes.
I go out of my way to say (to people who say to me that they don't get clothes or struggle with weight aging all that shit) that they look nice. I genuinely compliment them when colours look good, cuts look good and sincerely mean it.
Just occasionally, I'd like someone to say "I like that on you"
Is this too much to ask?

I would never stroke someone's ego if they clearly thought they were a particularly good dresser!

I tend to just think if somebody dresses well, they have the confidence to dress well and it would almost be silly for me to compliment them - because I don't dress well. I hope that makes sense.

Why not?

How depressing if you can't make a compliment to at least friends and family.

Some workplaces say that it's harassment to say "that's a nice dress". Some people feel commenting on looks is superficial, annoying or rude. There are people who get annoyed that they no longer get cat-called in the street, but most people wouldn't dare do it now.
So I'm not saying I think you're wrong to be upset, but just like some people miss the cat-calls and the beeps, people are too scared to be accused nowadays.

Haha. Not in a bad way. But I think your level of confidence in your looks and the consistency of your good outfits mean that that's just kind of the way people expect you to look. Dress like a slob for a month then go back, someone will notice then!

I often think people look great but I’m far too shy to say so. I worry the compliment will be unwelcome and don’t want to create awkwardness. I’m trying to get more confident though because, like you, I love fashion and I appreciate it when people compliment my style, so it’s only fair I do it in return.

I think most people don't really notice what other people are wearing unless it's a style they don't normally wear.
As you are interested in clothes I assume you always look nice so there isn't really anything to comment on

I love giving compliments. Specially on lovely colours.

This.

And also not to be harsh, but maybe they don't think it looks nice?

I have a 'fashionista' friend who wears top end stuff and thinks she looks amazing (I know this to be true as she's an 'influencer') and most the time she really doesn't.

Me too colours and prints can be so cool. Personally, I love an accessory; a retro watch, studded belt or unusual brooch. Complements don't have to be related to someone's figure, fashion conciousness, or taste. It can be about individuality, personal expression, or a bit of fun.

I think the problem here is that most posters seem to think complements have to be based on the attractiveness or fashion of the person. It doesn't necessarily have to do with vanity.

I do get quiet a few people saying lovely things to me, last week after a 10 hour flight as I walking across to the car a lady stopped me, told me I looked amazing and my (£5 Tesco) was lovely and where did I get it. Must be the flustered, couldn't give a shit look that works!

Erm, I would happily compliment them! Thankfully I don't have any desperately trendy to the point of wanting recognition for it friends or family

Complimenting is not the same as ego stroking, anyway

I avoid commenting on people's appearance unasked, the potential for upset is too high

Are you sure this is true?! I’ve never noticed that Brits find it hard to complement! On the contrary, I find them particularly charming, and I’ve lived in a lot of countries !

I feel really, really uncomfortable if someone comments on my clothes or appearance so I would never, ever do that to someone else.

Yes I think that's the thing.
I remember 10-15 years ago, I quite frequently had compliments on my style from colleagues, now it's just proper friends or fellow dog owners at the park (and I suspect it's because it's a very easy way to engage in small talk whilst the dogs run around, basically we're momentarily stuck with each other)

I must say also, getting older, my style is very much more intentional and minimalist, it's (I believe...) well cut, nice material, thought through, but also nothing spectacular or unexpected once you saw me 3 or 4 times. It's not like I would arrive at work with a flamboyant red maxi-dress with sequins a leather baseball cap and a pair of Yeezy. It's just very...normal, and yet very me.

If you're always nicely dressed OP, people may just think "she's always well put together" but don't have an occasion (other than a drunken Xmas party) to say so without being a bit awkward.

Oh I see! That’s strange! I’ve not encountered that. People generally seem to love being affirmed, ime. I have to admit I’d not choose to withhold the joy on the basis that someone might have issues that inhibit joy. I think the ones with the problem can’t be allowed to suppress the rest, that’s not fair at all.

Yup. I am so much more than my looks and I dislike intensely that for women in particular their looks are hand in hand with their value. So I would never think to mention someone’s looks or clothing etc… as it just isn’t on my radar tbh. And comments about bodies are completely out… even when people fish for them… “well that’s me been at weight watchers for 8 weeks now, was thinking I might try weight loss injections”… I will
just be non commital tbh. Your body, your business.

I must say, I really struggle to understand how someone could get offended by a "love your jacket!" or "nice earrings, suit you really well".

Agree. And if they struggle with it, it’s really their choice to be problematising non problematic things, and none of my business, I certainly won’t be catering to that kind of mindset. Walking on eggshells around touchiness gets a hard pass from me.
Tact is a skill, fear of irrational objections is intimidation.

Do you know what though guys, I started this thread with some trepidation thinking it would just descend into slagging me off (which probably is deserved at most times of the day!) But I found it really interesting to read, thank you ever so much

@FastFood I bet the dog crew are pretty hard to impress, though 😂