Can I have opinions on this text conversation regarding rape, please?

[KaneFTW]

I really need to understand if I’m being over sensitive/defensive etc

If you’re in white, leave it. You seem defensive and judgemental

Thank you.

And if you are the white messages person it is incredibly not ok to post someone else's highly personal messages on the internet!

Thank you.

As in the messages above, I have been told I am defensive in the texts.

I am guilty of automatically being defensive so I’m trying to be really aware of it.

But in this instance, I don’t feel like I was.

I’d really appreciate feedback.

Please tell me you got permission to share those messages on the internet.

And please don’t reply with ‘thank you’ - if you’re going to start a thread, have the courtesy to engage with it.

Context would be helpful? Cannot make head nor tail of the messages

I don't think this is going to help you OP.

Whatever is troubling you, you're best talking about it with a professional.

I’ve reported the post. I don’t think it’s ok you’ve shared those messages. You know MN posts threads on FB and other social media….

Are you the one in green?

And you feel your friend is questioning you?

Its not the sort of conversation to have by text is it?

In a normal conversation of course you'd talk about the hows, whys and wherefores, if its a conversation you brought up as you were recounting what happened to you

OP, I’m assuming you’re the one in green message blocks.

No, you’re not being defensive or over sensitive, this person is questioning you.

I wouldn’t talk to them anymore. Is it someone you’re dating or a friend?

There isn’t any context, but people who don’t know what it’s like to be a victim of such crime will never be able to understand why sometimes we do still maintain contact with the perpetrator.

That's WhatsApp, op I think is the one in green.

@KaneFTW you've done nothing wrong, in the past or in these messages. I'm truly sorry for what you've been through and that you have to deal with idiots like the person in white. Hold your head high.

This can't be real surely!

It’s real.
Its my female partner.

As in, she’s the one replying in white

Im also female btw

Replying to a previous message, what further context is needed? Genuine question.

I assume you had no consensual sex with someone over a period of years, it's really difficult to understand what happened, and the person you were messaging with wasn't totally sympathetic.

In a nutshell I’m 44, female. My male cousin raped me when I was 18 and my female partner is asking about it.

Wow. I don't know if it's because it's via message but it feels like it's a conversation to be had in person or over the phone if she wanted to ask you those questions. Also it seems she may never understand your actions as I don't think people really can unless they have been on that space. Either way you shouldn't be made to feel at fault in any way.

There's plenty of situations that don't make sense to people not involved like Stockholm syndrome.

Why is she texting you about it? Why not wait for a face to face chat? Bizarre

Sharing private messages on such a topic seems a questionable choice, but..

IMO person in white has crossed a line, these aren't acceptable or empathetic ways to pose questions to a victim of a serious crime. They shouldn't demand explanations or rationale for your actions in this way at all, and they have approached it insensitively as though the onus is on the victim to justify their life choices. Person in green is being held to account to satisfy person in white's insecurities and judgements, they are not meaningfully trying to understand - if they wanted to do that there are any number of resources available online as to why victims of abuse and assault might feel shame or keep contact with the abuser.

Person in green has clearly signposted that this makes them feel doubted and uncomfortable and they don't stop or demonstrate support, it's horrible really.

I'm sorry this has happened to you OP, I would throw this person back if you are the person in green. If someone approached me with this I would tell them to mind their own business and come back when they have educated themselves. You have nothing to justify or explain here.

I think she reacted weirdly

And I don't think you were defensive

I really really appreciate this feedback.

I really thought I’d missed a huge point and I didn’t really was being the person I’m told I am.

Which I have been - that’s absolutely fair to say.
Just perhaps not in this sensitive scenario

What person are you told you are?