6yo completely loses the plot after TV/tablet use, what do I do?

[TheJuryIsOut]

So my 6yo seems completely incapable of watching TV/playing on her tablet for any length of time without completely losing the plot when she comes off. So tonight she has watched about 45 minutes of TV, she then started arguing with her 11 year old sister and started kicking her and I had to physically drag her away at which point she started kicking me (which she never ever does, not even when she was a toddler) she just completely lost it, it was like she was completely out of control of her body/brain. She does this (although she's never physically attacked anyone before) almost every time she comes off a screen, just seems to turn into a completely different person.

Now I know people may say just get rid of all screens but is that really realistic in this day and age? She's going to be using screens at school and as she grows up, I just don't know if banning it outright is the answer. But what the hell is it about screens that could be causing this sort of explosive behaviour?

Not rocket science this one

Just stop giving it. I went through this with my kids. I just stopped giving the tablet or switching on the tv on school days. They grew up fine doing other things. Gaming was only for weekends too. Don’t care what their friends are doing.
its saved me a lot of stress and they’re calm fun social teenagers.

Do it. I had to with my son .. it ended up being around 6 months until I thought he was ready. Some kids are just too young

It is as easy as taking it away. You don’t want to but you haven’t tried it. Yes she’ll scream and shout but she’s already doing that and you know it’s the best thing so just crack on with it. It’s for her own good.

No, there are no additional needs. This needs to stop being the default response! If there are, then YouTube is okay???!!

Talk about low bar for additional needs kids!

She’s not mature enough for the technology, take it away. Having to use it in school or for school is different.

Do 6 year olds actually have screen time every day? I know 8 year old DGC is only allowed it at weekends

with TV make sure it’s CBeebies / cbbc. These tend to be a bit more sedate than some of the junk on the streaming channels. I’d limit it to no more than one or two episodes.

Definitely take the tablet away, there’s no need for a six year old to be on a tablet

In my house we had a firm screen start time, and I would just enforce a 5 minute wait at the start of the next screen time, for the kicking off. It can of course become ten minutes if they want to kick off about waiting, or they can choose no screen at all.

It’s a very effective sanction, because of the optimal timing. 5 minutes is short enough that I can hold my resolve and I won’t hesitate to sanction again, if it’s needed (I might hesitate to try and have an all day, or all week ban because that hurts me as much as them)

Mine have to set a timer to use the family iPad (they don’t have their own), at 6 they got 15 mins and not everyday. They knew if they kicked off when the timer went off that the next time they asked to use it (be that 1 day or 10 days later) the answer would be no.

Also, check what she’s watching on the tv, like a PP Horrid Henry isn’t allowed in this house, nor anything Tracey beaker nor any American trash - Sam and cat and the like. My daughter is 11 now and I still see a deterioration in her behaviour if we lift the ban on these sorts of programmes.

Also, YouTube is a flat no

And yes they do use screens at school or for homework but it’s literally just for that task and they are loosely supervised, I.e they are at the kitchen table doing it where we can see the screen

I'd just ditch the screens.

I've already taken the tablet away on weekdays, she's only allowed it at weekends for shorter amounts of time. She does watch YouTube though.

As for TV, she watches netflix and I'll admit I don't keep an eye on what she's watching (it's kids netflix though so she can't get on anything inappropriate) I'm usually doing other stuff.

She's very active, does dancing, swimming and plays outside a lot. Very good at crafting, using her imagination and keeping herself occupied. I'd actually say that out of my 4 kids she's the one who can amuse herself the easiest and needs the least amount of input from me. She has no additional needs as far as I'm aware.

You know taking it away completely is the solution. You just don’t want to do it because it’s extra work for you.

“Needs the least amount of input from me”

Well maybe she does need it but isn’t getting unless she “kicks off”.

Also your comment about you not knowing what she’s watching- that’s so wrong,, don't let that happen!

This, take back control.
Does she behave like that when it’s taken away at school?

The kids Netflix stuff won’t be inappropriate in its content, I agree, for me it’s the way the people on the shows speak to each other. Lots of disrespect and sass

This. Take away the tablet and give her more 1 to 1 time. She's learning that screaming gets attention and she clearly wants more attention, which is reasonable to an extent.

Hide the tablet and TV remote. We “lose” the remote as needed.

Tablet has gone because you won’t behave when it’s time to turn it off. When you think you are grown up enough to be a good girl when it’s time to switch off, let me know and we can talk about reintroducing it.
And no, not tomorrow. Show me some proof first.

YouTube content is shite even on the kids version. I would get that off your TV straightaway.

We don't get the violence, but my 6 year old also struggles with screens being taken away, giant meltdowns at times. She's diagnosed with autism and on the waiting list for ADHD.

What helps:
Severely restricting tablet time. I'm talking a couple of hours a month
Refusing access completely to youtube- the short videos are by far the biggest trigger.
Limiting Netflix or anything where one video rolls into the next
Trying to keep to actual channels, i.e. CBBC, as the change in programs stops her from becoming obsessive
Making a concerted effort to stop putting on 'background' TV.
Using clear countdowns. Timers are a trigger here, but you've got one program left, you've got 10 minutes left, as soon as this ends it's going off. The stopping of a programme is a bigger trigger
Encouraging podcasts, this has been really helpful
'Family time' TV, where it's not a kid programme, but is something related- gladiators, catchphrase, so they haven't always got the choice
Films to encourage the longer time sitting, not short dopamine bursts

These things are literally designed to be addictive- of course a 6yo can't deal with it. You know what you need to do.

As she will use tablets and computers at school, she will still learn how to use them and wont miss out on anything learning wise, so taking it away at home wont disadvantage her.

She is telling you she doesnt have the skills to deal with screens. She doesnt need to be on them. So take them away.

12 year old gets scared at certain 12A films but still wants to watch them. They lose sleep, get really clingy and anxious. You wouldnt keep putting on those films, you'd wait until they were a bit older, because they dont NEED to watch them.

10 year old always gets wound up after a few days with a lot of sugar. You took them out for cake, sweets at the cinema, chocolate on the sofa, Gran gave them a sugar mouse, and they went to a birthday party. They dont NEED all the other stuff, but you know they will want to join in at parties, so in future you make sure you reduce what they have at home to balance what they will have at the party. They dont miss out entirely, but they clearly dont NEED more.

Taking them away is the right thing!

Set a boundary - 1 programme she chooses, then off. No programme the next day if she throws a fit. Follow that boundary ruthlessly. Like a dog in training they’ll sniff out any weakness on your part

is it realistic? 100% yes. It’ll be good for every kid in the household not to watch tv. They’ll play, create, talk instead