AIBU to think an old friend/ former bridesmaid deliberately blanked me at a festival?

[pontipinemum]

I bumped into two women I used to be friends with at a music festival on Saturday. I’ll call them Sarah and Emma.

We all went to school together. Emma and I were friendly, but Sarah was one of my closest friends for years. We travelled around Australia together, stayed in regular contact, and she was one of my bridesmaids.

I was there with my children and passed them on a narrow walkway, so I stopped to say hello. Emma immediately hugged me, asked how I was and chatted about life/ her recent holiday etc.

Sarah was already speaking to someone else, which was fine, but she didn’t acknowledge me at all. She didn’t look over, smile or say hello.

After a couple of minutes, I said my son and I would keep moving and that we might see them later. Emma said they would call over if they saw us and meet my husband and other child.

Sarah still said nothing, so as I left I lightly touched her shoulder and said, “Sarah, lovely to see you. I’m sure we’ll catch you again.”
She looked at me and made a vague “ah, yeah” sort of noise. That was it.

We have had some ups and downs over the years. About two years ago I stopped initiating contact because her replies had become very short and it felt as though she didn’t want to engage. It hurt me every time. Since then there has been no contact, although I still occasionally like her Instagram posts.

About six years ago, I had a serious mental health crisis and spent around six months in hospital over a two-year period. Sarah and other friends did try to support me, and I know I wasn’t always responsive. However, I have seen her at several occasions since then (my baby shower, weddings, catch up dinners) and things seemed fine - she also asks my sisters how I am if she bumps into one. There was never any major falling-out that I knew of.

I completely understand that friendships change or end. This has happened me several times over the years people move/change but I am always pleased to see them/ say Hi. I’m not upset that Sarah and I are no longer close. I’m upset that she seemed unwilling even to acknowledge me or my child.

My sisters were there and both thought it was a very obvious and rude snub.

I would love to know what I did wrong but I don't think I ever will.

AIBU to think she deliberately blanked me?

YABU - She was having a conversation
YANBU - She should have acknowledged you

If you are not upset that you and Sarah are no longer close, then it doesn't matter. That's the thing you have to focus on because you can't know the reason behind the snub/if it was a snub unless you ask her. And you can only ask her if you actually want to rekindle the friendship can't you.

If you hadn’t randomly bumped into her, would you be thinking about the loss of the friendship or doing anything about it?
Would you rather she fawned over you for five mins and then went separate ways again?

Either reach out with ‘seeing you at the festival made me sad we’ve lost touch; I hope you’re doing well and if you’d like to have a chat I’m available at…’ or just leave it be.

I don’t think either of your voting options are a good fit tbh. My guess is that she deliberately blanked you as she felt awkward speaking to you or being friendly, and that something deeper has gone down in your friendship from her point of view.

Well I’d say she obviously feels awkward talking to you after you essentially ghosted her a couple of years ago because she wasn’t paying you enough attention

She was probably a bit blindsided. You've tried to word it nicely, but effectively you ghosted her, especially when she supported you though everything to do with the MH crisis.

The conversation should have happened two years ago now it's time to move on

I don't think I ghosted her, I stopped initiating contact.

This.

YANBU OP. I've had something similar once before. And it felt so embarrassing that I went "omg hello hi! How are you" and they blanked me.

On my thread everyone was with me and agreed that they were rude for what they did.

How old are you OP?

Oh wait. I forgot to read the whole thing

I genuinely don’t think what I did could be called ghosting. I just stopped being the one to always start the conversations, after feeling for a long time that she didn’t really want to engage. She didn’t contact me either.

This was also about four years after the mental health crisis, not during it.

And to be honest, while I’m grateful to anyone who tried to help me at the time, I wouldn’t say she supported me through everything. She actually pulled back quite a bit around then. I don’t blame her for that at all it wasn’t anyone else’s responsibility to carry me through it but I don’t think it’s fair to say I suddenly disappeared on someone who had been constantly supporting me.

I guess from your description that she may feel that the friendship reached a natural end as neither of you was interested in maintaining contact. Pretending to be interested in you when randomly meeting would be stranger than not paying you much attention, I think.

A polite hello would suffice though?

Changed my mind. @pontipinemum I'm 100% with you. She was rude. Some people are like that.

Mid 30s as is she so I am old enough to know I need to move on from it.

@AbzMoz I don't think I'd have wanted her to fawn on me. But just to say Hi would have been nice.

@Poppingby I would like to be proper friends with her again but I just don't think that will happen. But being nice to each other would be nice. We used to have a great time together. Maybe it was never as deep as I thought though.

After the MH crisis I stopped drinking, then started a family so my life shifted in a different direction. She still enjoys going out most weekends and having a party lifestyle. So it is unlikely we would start meeting up again but I did think there was a true friendship under it

Did she contact you in this time or just no contact between either of you?

To be fair to your former friend, you are posting about it on a national forum two days later. Maybe she's finds it all. bit intense and wants to move on. Just forget about it and move on with the friends you have now

She wasn't that good a friend if you always had to initiate contact and in the space of two years didn't bother to contact you first. Just let it go, the friendship ended, she ignored you. If you get back in touch it would probably end up the same anyway, her not initiating contact and you upset about it all over again.

@SilenceInside I don't think she needed to pretend to be interest in my life but saying hi/ acknowledging that I was standing right beside her would have been nice.

@Lentilcakes no she didn't contact me once. A good year prior to this it was always me making contact/ trying to arrange things. When I did text her it was obvious she didn't want to. I got the hint. It was very painful at the time.

I'm 100% on your side. What you did wasn't ghosting, she was not giving you the same energy back so you stopped initiating contact.

Occasionally I say hello to people I once knew in the past and they greet me back politely.

Friendships fizzle out over time. I think she reacted totally normally based on the context you gave. It would be weird to expect someone to jump for joy and effusively greet an old friend after a mutual decision to drop contact, even if health reasons were involved.

You did say you wasn’t always responsive during your MH crisis, I also think perhaps some crossed wires here, you both at some point felt you weren’t giving enough to the friendship and also left her feeling hurt, hence why she behaved unbothered at seeing you again.

If she’d have said hello would you be analysing how friendly or not she sounded, or feeling it was rude if she didn’t enquire about how you were, or similar? Or considering that she was fake if she seemed too friendly and interested? This chance meeting has just stirred up feelings of annoyance from the friendship fade and that’s what you’re actually feeling now.

You’re not friends anymore. She was stand offish, it doesn’t really matter given that you don’t see each other and you don’t intend to start.

I don't thinks she's blanked you but I do think she clearly doest want to get into a close friendship again or even a chat regularly via social media friendship . Shes probably being polite and making the usually social conversation expectations when she bumps in your sisters. Just return the same energy back and don't overthink it .

Unfortunately some people don’t deal well with mental illness. Maybe it frightened her off because you were so ill (if so, then she wasn’t a true friend). Or maybe your life stages are too different now if you have kids and she doesn’t?