Been together 10 years, married 6. I love him a lot. We have our issues but overall he is a good dh who provides for us and a good dad and stepfather. But one thing that frustrates me is that he doesn’t tell me things. It can be silly things but some things I’d consider to be important too.
In the early days of our relationship he lied about some sexual things - basically he took Viagra for ED issues which he never disclosed but I found boxes. He explained it away as being embarrassed which I accepted and never pressed it.
He has kept stuff from me that has hurt me such as looking at porn when we weren’t having sex, never really communicating about sex. This has improved now.
He ordered weight loss injections and never told me. No idea why, it’s something that I would discuss with him.
He recently met with a (male) friend of his who I don’t particularly like. I know this because a message flashed through from the guy just as I was walking past dh phone saying ‘still on for tomorrow’ with the time and place. I asked Dh about his day and he said he’d met with a contractor for lunch which isn’t technically a lie because the guy is a contractor but he didn’t and still hasn’t told me it was him.
I think a lot of the time he omits things that he feels will cause a debate between us which I don’t think is very fair as I’m not a controlling or unreasonable person. I have opinions on things sure and I totally get that he has the right to keep some things to himself. But it doesn’t really sit right with me sometimes and makes me question how much trust I have in him. If he can keep such pointless things from me for no good reason then could there be other, bigger stuff?
I wear my heart on my sleeve. I talk to him about anything and always value his opinion. I get the feeling he just can’t be arsed with a row as he perceives it or to hear my views. I genuinely don’t try to catch him out or snoop, it’s purely by chance that I’ve found these things out. He’s working closely with a woman at the moment and I notice that he never even mentions her name to me despite me knowing they work together. The fact that he is secretive makes me suspicious of things that I logically I know are not suspicious, does that make sense?
I’m sure people will tell me I sound like hard work and I am controlling but it’s not the case. I just don’t understand why as husband and wife he feels the need to keep both pointless and more serious stuff from me.