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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be confused about the meaning of gender and sex?

41 replies

sellingsoup · 05/07/2026 13:53

AIBU to not understand what gender means.

If gender is not sex then why are the words man and woman used interchangeably for both?

If gender is socially constructed based upon societies expectations of biologically sex then isn’t that sex stereotyping and isn’t that regressive?

If a woman doesn’t align with sex stereotypes (she has short hair and is a mechanic for example) does she automatically have male gender without believing in gender identity herself? If she doesn’t, then why?

Why would anyone want to align with a stereotype?

If gender is socially constructed and there are hundreds of identities on a spectrum, why are words already taken with definitions for biologically sex used for only 2 of the gender identities?

AIBU to think none of this makes any sense.

OP posts:
Screamingabdabz · 05/07/2026 13:58

I still use sex and gender interchangeably. Sex is what you were born as, gender is how that sex manifests socially (and it can include the female mechanic with short hair and also the football player, the brain surgeon, the CEO, the ‘tomboy’…)

Gender identity is not a thing as far as I’m concerned. It’s all bullshit and I refuse to acknowledge it.

BirthdayTrash · 05/07/2026 13:59

You’re partly right and partly confused.

Sex = male or female (including DSDs)

Gender = stereotypes, eg girls like pink and boys like blue.

Yes, the stereotypes are reductive and regressive to both sexes.

No, not everyone follows the gender belief system.

There is evidenced social contagion in young ND people who may be gay or hateful of their own bodies who define themselves as trans. And then a lot of adult men who are/would be sexual deviants, rapists etc who are using trans identities to try and get their own way.

MyKindHiker · 05/07/2026 14:01

I think it would be helpful if we just scrapped the concept of gender entirely and just referred to biological sex.

Onbdy · 05/07/2026 14:02

Screamingabdabz · 05/07/2026 13:58

I still use sex and gender interchangeably. Sex is what you were born as, gender is how that sex manifests socially (and it can include the female mechanic with short hair and also the football player, the brain surgeon, the CEO, the ‘tomboy’…)

Gender identity is not a thing as far as I’m concerned. It’s all bullshit and I refuse to acknowledge it.

Yep! Neither will I, it’s an absolute load of bollocks.

persisted · 05/07/2026 14:03

There are two biological sexes- male and female.

Gender is a social construct, as are all the identities you mentioned.
A man in a dress is still a man, a woman working in a garage is still a woman.
They are just not following the gender stereotypes that ‘society’ thinks they should. Which are meaningless anyway.

Dearg · 05/07/2026 14:03

Based on my observations the word ‘gender’ serves 2 purposes.

A) It’s used to distinguish male vs female by those, often American, who think the word Sex is dirty
B) it’s used by those who like to deny biology for their own purposes.

ExtraOnions · 05/07/2026 14:06

Sex is biological

Gender is a social construct, that makes assumptions, based on the sex that someone is.

You cannot change your Sex, however Gender can change.

Sex means the same regardless of culture, whilst the social construct that is Gender can be very different dependant on the culture, or the time, or the society in you live.

Conflating Sex and Gender has led a swamp of misunderstanding, unfairness, dangerous behaviour, criminality, cancellations etc.

sellingsoup · 05/07/2026 14:06

NSPCC definition

Gender identity is a personal feeling, and a child or young person will be the best person to know what identifier matches how they feel. Children and young people can also question or feel unsure about their gender identity, or find that their gender identity changes over time.

Umm…I don’t understand. Are they saying that this is something young people understand because I am so confused.

OP posts:
sellingsoup · 05/07/2026 14:07

ExtraOnions · 05/07/2026 14:06

Sex is biological

Gender is a social construct, that makes assumptions, based on the sex that someone is.

You cannot change your Sex, however Gender can change.

Sex means the same regardless of culture, whilst the social construct that is Gender can be very different dependant on the culture, or the time, or the society in you live.

Conflating Sex and Gender has led a swamp of misunderstanding, unfairness, dangerous behaviour, criminality, cancellations etc.

Does everyone have a gender?

OP posts:
Shedmistress · 05/07/2026 14:08

Sex is knowing you have a son or daughter

Gender is people being uncomfortable that your son wants to play with dolls or do ballet

Gender ideology is people swooping in to pretend he is a girl because of the dolls or ballet which may or may not result in his finding out one day they chopped his penis off.

sellingsoup · 05/07/2026 14:08

make it make sense...

"Gender identity is a person's internal experience of gender, which may be different from the sex assigned at birth.
There are many different gender identities, such as non-binary, agender, and two-spirit.
People choose how to express their gender with different pronouns, names, clothing, and behaviors."

OP posts:
Slimtoddy · 05/07/2026 14:09

I wonder when gender (men and women) started to be used. Was there ever a time when Male and Female was solely used? Which was used first? Do all languages have an equivalent? Does it go back to holy books I wonder? What would happen if we started using male and female exclusively?

Sorry for the brain dump.

sellingsoup · 05/07/2026 14:17

If gender is about fitting into sex stereotypes isn't that regressive?

Can I have woman gender if I am female and wear trousers, I’m 5ft 10 and enjoying golf? Does this make me male gender? How would I know?

OP posts:
JLou08 · 05/07/2026 14:18

sellingsoup · 05/07/2026 14:06

NSPCC definition

Gender identity is a personal feeling, and a child or young person will be the best person to know what identifier matches how they feel. Children and young people can also question or feel unsure about their gender identity, or find that their gender identity changes over time.

Umm…I don’t understand. Are they saying that this is something young people understand because I am so confused.

That seems like really clear to me. In what way are you confused? Are you confused or do you just disagree with people being able to self-identify gender? Do you have a concept of your own identity, not specifically gender but anything that makes up who you believe yourself to be?

JLou08 · 05/07/2026 14:21

Slimtoddy · 05/07/2026 14:09

I wonder when gender (men and women) started to be used. Was there ever a time when Male and Female was solely used? Which was used first? Do all languages have an equivalent? Does it go back to holy books I wonder? What would happen if we started using male and female exclusively?

Sorry for the brain dump.

I'm not 100% but I think gender came later and was around the time social theories were being developed around oppression of women and forced gender roles (women doing the emotional labour/child rearing/housewor)

sellingsoup · 05/07/2026 14:23

JLou08 · 05/07/2026 14:18

That seems like really clear to me. In what way are you confused? Are you confused or do you just disagree with people being able to self-identify gender? Do you have a concept of your own identity, not specifically gender but anything that makes up who you believe yourself to be?

A Through E
AFAB: Acronym with the meaning “assigned female at birth.”
AMAB: Acronym with the meaning “assigned male at birth.”
Agender: Referring to a person who does not identify with any gender identities, most people who use agender don't feel that they have a gender at all.
Ally: Ally is a term to describe anyone who actively and fully supports the LGBTQIA+ community.
Androgynous: Referring to a person with a gender identity or presentation that is neutral or has both masculine and feminine parts. Synonyms include null-gender, androgyne, genderless, and neutrosis.
Assigned Sex at Birth: A medical assignment given at birth based on physical characteristics of the body. This can refer to male, female, or also intersex.
Bigender: Referring to a person who identifies with two different genders at the same time.
Body Dysphoria: Discomfort about the body that is related to gender identity and misalignment with physical characteristics such as anatomy, secondary sex characteristics, reproductive organs, etc.
Cisgender or Cisnormativity: A person whose gender identity or subconscious sex aligns with the sex that they were assigned at birth. For example, a person assigned the sex of a male at birth who identifies as male gender would be considered cisgender. Similarly, a person assigned the sex of female at birth and who identifies as female gender would be cisgender.
Most people are cisgender and so this is considered the “norm,” which can lead to systemic and unintentional prejudice against trans people in society. However, cisgender individuals can also be gender non-conforming. The Latin prefix “cis” means “on the same side.”
Cisgender Privilege: Referring to the experience of never having one’s natural sexual identity be questioned by society. This leads to the behavior of taking for granted that everyone has the same life experience and a lack of struggle with their gender identity.
Coming out: The ongoing process of disclosing one's gender identity to oneself and others (e.g., with friends, at work, with family).
Cross-Dresser: A person who wears clothing that is not typical for their gender. Usually, the term is used for men who prefer to dress in women’s clothing. This may be done for self-expression or other reasons. Synonyms include transvestite or drag queen. Being a cross-dresser does not automatically equal being transgender, some people may just do this to express themselves.
Deadname: Name assigned at birth that the individual does not identify with. Deadnames reflect the idea that the name is no longer how the person identifies, hence the word “dead.” Being deadnamed can cause trans people to experience dysphoria.
Demigender/Demiboy/Demigirl: The prefix “demi” indicates a person who has the experience of partially identifying with a particular gender and includes those who may be nonbinary. Other related terms include demienby and demitrans.

F Through L
Family of choice: The circle of friends, partners, etc. that people who are LGBTQIA+ choose to associate with because they provide validation, support, and a feeling of belonging that they may be missing in their biological family.
Female-to-male (FTM): Referring to people who were assigned female at birth but who identify as male. This may or may not involve changing the body through medical procedures or surgeries.
Feminine-of-center: Referring to a person who identifies with a feminine gender expression regardless of whether they consider themself a woman or were assigned the sex of female at birth.
Feminine-presenting: Referring to a person with an outward gender expression that appears feminine. For example, this could be shown through style, mannerisms, body language, etc.
Femme: Referring to a person with a gender identity or expression that leans toward being feminine in general. A person who is femme does not necessarily identify as a woman and is not necessarily assigned the female sex at birth by a doctor.
Gender Affirmation Surgery: Surgery to affirm an individual’s gender identity that involves changing primary or secondary sex characteristics. This can be necessary to alleviate gender dysphoria.
Gender Apathetic: Referring to a person who does not care about their gender nor how they appear to others in terms of their gender. In other words, they do not identify with any particular gender.
Gender Binary: A binary division of gender into only two types (man or woman) which is expected to match the sex assigned at birth (male, female, or intersex). This system does not allow for people who identify with a gender that does not fit the binary system or people who feel their gender is fluid rather than fixed.
Gender Conforming: Referring to a person who follows the rules of society about how genders should act, behave, and appear to others.
Gender Dysphoria: A medical diagnosis and term to reflect the distress experienced by individuals who have a misalignment between their sex assigned at birth and the gender that they identify with internally. This means that a person doesn’t feel right about their body parts, physical characteristics, or societal interactions in terms of their internal experience of gender.
Gender Expansive: Referring to people who work to make culture more inclusive in terms of gender expression, gender roles, and gender norms in society.
Gender Expression: The way that a person publicly expresses their gender as masculine, feminine, androgynous, etc. For example, gender can be expressed through their clothing, hair and makeup, body language, chosen name, pronouns, mannerisms, interests, etc.
For trans people, they may also physically alter their body through medical interventions to match their internal gender identity such as hormone therapy or surgery. Also known as gender presentation.
Gender Bender: Referring to an attack on stereotypes about gender that questions norms and expectations in society. May also be referred to as a genderf*.
Genderfluid: Referring to a person who shifts between genders or who feels as though their gender changes over time either rapidly or gradually.
Gender Identity: A core sense of the self as being a woman, man, or neither. This does not always align with the sex assigned at birth and can develop and change over time. It also cannot be assumed based on outward physical characteristics.
Gender-Inclusive Pronouns: Pronouns that are neutral and can be used by both transgender and cisgender people. For example, the words they, them, and theirs when used to refer to a single person are gender-neutral pronouns.
Gender Minority: Referring to people who are transgender or gender non-conforming and are in the minority in relation to society as a whole in terms of the binary view of gender.
Gender Non-conforming (gender variant, genderqueer): People whose gender expression does not follow the gender norms or societal expectations for the sex they were given at birth or their perceived sex. This includes people who are androgynous, feminine men, masculine women, etc. This can include trans people but not all people who are gender non-conforming identify as trans. People of any gender can be gender nonconforming (e.g., cis, nonbinary, trans).
Gender Norms: The cultural and social norms assigned to women and men regarding clothing, appearance, roles, and behavior. For example, women are expected to behave more passively than men, while men are expected to be more dominant than women. People who do not fit gender norms may be singled out (e.g., an overly feminine man or a dominant woman).
Gender Queer: Referring to a person who does not align with the gender binary of man vs. woman.
Gender Questioning: Referring to a person who is questioning aspects of their gender such as their gender identity or gender expression.
Gender Roles: Societal norms about what it means to belong to a certain gender. These can change over time and refer to behaviors, interests, etc. They may also differ across cultures.
Gender Outlaw: A person who does not follow the rules of society as far as being defined in a binary way (male vs. female).
Graygender: Referring to a person who does not experience a strong pull toward any particular gender identity or expression.
Intergender: Referring to a person who does not experience one gender, but rather falls between male and female gender identities.
Internalized Transphobia: Feeling uncomfortable with oneself because of having transgender feelings or a gender identity that does not match one’s assigned sex at birth or the gender roles of society.
Intersex: A person born with characteristics that are not easily categorized as male or female (e.g., reproductive organs, chromosomes, hormones). For example, a man could be born with ovaries instead of testes or a woman could be born with XY chromosomes. Intersex occurs at a rate of about one in 1500 births but most people are assigned either male or female sex at birth regardless of being intersex. Intersex people may identify with their assigned sex, identify with the opposite sex, or identify as intersex. They do not usually identify as trans (transgender or transsexual).
LGBTTTIQ: An acronym representing lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, two-spirit, intersex, and queer.
LGBT: An acronym representing lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender.
LGBTQIA+: An acronym representing lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, intersex, asexual/ally, etc.
LGBTQ+: An acronym representing lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, etc. This acronym is internationally recognized.
LGBTQ2: An acronym representing lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, and two-spirit.4
LGBTI: An acronym representing lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and intersex.
“Lived” Gender Identity: The combination of an internal gender identity and how it is publicly expressed (gender expression) in daily life such as when shopping, at work, when in the community, etc.
M Through R
Male-to-female (MTF): Referring to people who were assigned male at birth but who identify as female. This may or may not involve changing the body through medical procedures.
Masculine-of-Center: People who identify as masculine. These individuals may or may not identify as a man. Being masculine-of-center does not indicate a person’s assigned sex at birth.
Masculine-presenting: People with a gender expression that they consider to be masculine. This includes outward expression through such things as body language, mannerisms, physical characteristics, and style. This term does not indicate anything about assigned sex at birth.
Maverique: A person who experiences their gender identity to be separate from current categories and descriptions.
Misgender: Calling someone by the wrong pronoun or using language that is not inclusive to their gender identity.
Multi-gender: People who identify with more than one gender. This includes people who identify as bigender, trigender, pangender, polygender, and in some cases, genderfluid.
Neutrois: People who have a gender that is neither male nor female. This includes nonbinary, genderless, genderfluid, and agender identities.
Nonbinary: Nonbinary (sometimes called enby or nb) is an umbrella term for anyone who falls outside the gender binary of male or female. Some people simply identify as non-binary and some identify as a specific type of nonbinary identity. Examples include genderqueer, genderfluid, agender, bigender, etc.
Novigender: A gender identity used to describe the experience of people who don’t feel that their gender can be described using existing categories due to its complexity.
Out or Out of the Closet: Being open about one’s gender identity with others.
Outing Someone: Outing someone means telling a person about someone else's gender identity or sexuality when they may not be out yet. Ex. My friend Stacy told her parents I'm trans when I didn't want them to know yet. Outing someone can be very harmful as they might not be in a safe environment to come out on their own.
Omnigender: A person who identifies with all gender identities.
Pangender: A gender identity that involves experiencing many different gender identities simultaneously.
Passing: The experience of “passing” for one’s gender identity. For example, a transgender individual may be accepted by strangers as being the gender that they identify with even when this is different from their assigned sex at birth. This typically involves cues originating from physical characteristics, behaviors, and mannerisms.
Polygender and Pangender: The experience of displaying different parts from multiple gender identities.
Queer: Previously used as a derogatory term for transgender and transsexual individuals, which has since been reclaimed by the community to display their identities with pride.
Questioning: People who are in the process of questioning their gender identity and wish to explore different options.
S Through Z
Sex: A classification system assigned at birth based on a person’s physical characteristics, reproductive systems, chromosomes, hormones, and secondary sex characteristics. Sex is generally classified at birth as male, female, or intersex based on the appearance of the external genitalia. If these are ambiguous, sex is assigned based on internal genitalia, hormones, and chromosomes. Sex is generally recorded on the birth certificate but can sometimes be changed on this document as well as on other legal documents such as a driver’s license.
Sex Assigned at Birth: The sex assigned to a person at birth based on the existing classification system.
Social Dysphoria: A type of gender dysphoria that arises from distress about how other people label, interact with or perceive an individual. It can also be a result of one’s own behavior that is at odds with their gender identity.
Third Gender: The term third gender comes from native and non-Western cultures. It refers to a gender category that does not divide simply into male or female.
Trans Man/Trans Woman: A trans man is someone who was assigned the sex of “female” at birth but who identifies as a man (also known as female-to-male or FTM). A trans woman is someone who was assigned the sex of “male” at birth but who identifies as a woman (also known as male-to-female or MTF).
Transfeminine: Having a feminine gender identity but being assigned a different sex at birth.
Transgender/Trans: Transgender is as an umbrella term for anyone who identifies as a gender other than the one they were assigned at birth. This includes trans men or women and non-binary identities such as genderfluid, genderqueer, and agender.
Transitioning: Activities engaged in by trans individuals to affirm their gender identity such as changing their name, clothing, pronouns, sex designation, etc. This can include medical treatments such as hormone therapy, sex reassignment surgery, etc. This process is different for every person and the time it takes and activities that are engaged in are not universal.
Transmasculine: Having a masculine gender identity but being assigned a different sex at birth.
Transpositive: This term refers to the opposite of transphobia. This type of attitude is validating and accepting of transsexual and transgender individuals and celebrates their rights.
Transsexual: A person whose gender identity is different from the sex that they were assigned at birth. Transsexual generally means the individual has had gender-affirming surgeries and has fully gone through with their transition.
Transphobia: Intolerance, fear, aversion, prejudice, harassment, discrimination, violence, or hatred aimed at trans individuals and trans communities based on stereotypes and misconceptions.
Trigender: The experience of having three gender identities at the same time.
Two-Spirit: Two-Spirit is an important term in many indigenous cultures. It has no set definition but is mainly used to describe a spiritual view of gender or sexuality. It can be used to describe sexual orientation, gender identity, or spiritual identity. It is a term specific to Indigenous cultures and using it as a non-indigenous person would be cultural appropriation.
Those who are cisgender may experience a type of privilege in that they do not understand what it is like to live with a gender identity that is outside the norm. Rather than trying to understand things through your own set of life experiences and views, it’s important to acknowledge that you can’t possibly understand what it might be like to live as a transgender person or someone with a gender identity that goes against the norm.
In these cases, it is best to defer to someone else’s personal experience of what it is like to live their life and what would help them the most. If someone shares their preferred pronouns with you, keep them in mind the same way that you would if they had told you their first name.

No, I don’t fit into any of these because I’m just me.

OP posts:
Theunchosenone · 05/07/2026 14:24

JLou08 · 05/07/2026 14:18

That seems like really clear to me. In what way are you confused? Are you confused or do you just disagree with people being able to self-identify gender? Do you have a concept of your own identity, not specifically gender but anything that makes up who you believe yourself to be?

I think self-identifying gender is great. People should crack on. And they can all use the multi gender spaces relevant for their sex. Jobs done 😁

sellingsoup · 05/07/2026 14:24

JLou08 · 05/07/2026 14:18

That seems like really clear to me. In what way are you confused? Are you confused or do you just disagree with people being able to self-identify gender? Do you have a concept of your own identity, not specifically gender but anything that makes up who you believe yourself to be?

Surely we are all unique characters no?

What confuses me about gender is why people are identifying into a box?

That list is crazy

OP posts:
BigBrownBoogyingBear · 05/07/2026 14:26

I find it irritating that people refer to announcing the sex of their baby as a 'gender reveal' rather than a 'sex reveal'. I suppose it's because 'sex reveal' sounds inappropriate. But an unborn baby surely doesn't have a gender!

sellingsoup · 05/07/2026 14:27

JLou08 · 05/07/2026 14:18

That seems like really clear to me. In what way are you confused? Are you confused or do you just disagree with people being able to self-identify gender? Do you have a concept of your own identity, not specifically gender but anything that makes up who you believe yourself to be?

"Cross-Dresser: A person who wears clothing that is not typical for their gender. Usually, the term is used for men who prefer to dress in women’s clothing. This may be done for self-expression or other reasons. Synonyms include transvestite or drag queen. Being a cross-dresser does not automatically equal being transgender, some people may just do this to express themselves."

I wear jeans and t shirts and have short hair, never wear heels.

Am I a cross dresser?

OP posts:
Overthehillmum63 · 05/07/2026 14:30

There are males, females and personality types. Gender doesn’t exist.

ShishKofte · 05/07/2026 14:33

Do you have a concept of your own identity, not specifically gender but anything that makes up who you believe yourself to be?

If youre going to class personality as an identity @sellingsoup's list is going to be about 8.3 billion variations long.

JLou08 · 05/07/2026 14:35

sellingsoup · 05/07/2026 14:23

A Through E
AFAB: Acronym with the meaning “assigned female at birth.”
AMAB: Acronym with the meaning “assigned male at birth.”
Agender: Referring to a person who does not identify with any gender identities, most people who use agender don't feel that they have a gender at all.
Ally: Ally is a term to describe anyone who actively and fully supports the LGBTQIA+ community.
Androgynous: Referring to a person with a gender identity or presentation that is neutral or has both masculine and feminine parts. Synonyms include null-gender, androgyne, genderless, and neutrosis.
Assigned Sex at Birth: A medical assignment given at birth based on physical characteristics of the body. This can refer to male, female, or also intersex.
Bigender: Referring to a person who identifies with two different genders at the same time.
Body Dysphoria: Discomfort about the body that is related to gender identity and misalignment with physical characteristics such as anatomy, secondary sex characteristics, reproductive organs, etc.
Cisgender or Cisnormativity: A person whose gender identity or subconscious sex aligns with the sex that they were assigned at birth. For example, a person assigned the sex of a male at birth who identifies as male gender would be considered cisgender. Similarly, a person assigned the sex of female at birth and who identifies as female gender would be cisgender.
Most people are cisgender and so this is considered the “norm,” which can lead to systemic and unintentional prejudice against trans people in society. However, cisgender individuals can also be gender non-conforming. The Latin prefix “cis” means “on the same side.”
Cisgender Privilege: Referring to the experience of never having one’s natural sexual identity be questioned by society. This leads to the behavior of taking for granted that everyone has the same life experience and a lack of struggle with their gender identity.
Coming out: The ongoing process of disclosing one's gender identity to oneself and others (e.g., with friends, at work, with family).
Cross-Dresser: A person who wears clothing that is not typical for their gender. Usually, the term is used for men who prefer to dress in women’s clothing. This may be done for self-expression or other reasons. Synonyms include transvestite or drag queen. Being a cross-dresser does not automatically equal being transgender, some people may just do this to express themselves.
Deadname: Name assigned at birth that the individual does not identify with. Deadnames reflect the idea that the name is no longer how the person identifies, hence the word “dead.” Being deadnamed can cause trans people to experience dysphoria.
Demigender/Demiboy/Demigirl: The prefix “demi” indicates a person who has the experience of partially identifying with a particular gender and includes those who may be nonbinary. Other related terms include demienby and demitrans.

F Through L
Family of choice: The circle of friends, partners, etc. that people who are LGBTQIA+ choose to associate with because they provide validation, support, and a feeling of belonging that they may be missing in their biological family.
Female-to-male (FTM): Referring to people who were assigned female at birth but who identify as male. This may or may not involve changing the body through medical procedures or surgeries.
Feminine-of-center: Referring to a person who identifies with a feminine gender expression regardless of whether they consider themself a woman or were assigned the sex of female at birth.
Feminine-presenting: Referring to a person with an outward gender expression that appears feminine. For example, this could be shown through style, mannerisms, body language, etc.
Femme: Referring to a person with a gender identity or expression that leans toward being feminine in general. A person who is femme does not necessarily identify as a woman and is not necessarily assigned the female sex at birth by a doctor.
Gender Affirmation Surgery: Surgery to affirm an individual’s gender identity that involves changing primary or secondary sex characteristics. This can be necessary to alleviate gender dysphoria.
Gender Apathetic: Referring to a person who does not care about their gender nor how they appear to others in terms of their gender. In other words, they do not identify with any particular gender.
Gender Binary: A binary division of gender into only two types (man or woman) which is expected to match the sex assigned at birth (male, female, or intersex). This system does not allow for people who identify with a gender that does not fit the binary system or people who feel their gender is fluid rather than fixed.
Gender Conforming: Referring to a person who follows the rules of society about how genders should act, behave, and appear to others.
Gender Dysphoria: A medical diagnosis and term to reflect the distress experienced by individuals who have a misalignment between their sex assigned at birth and the gender that they identify with internally. This means that a person doesn’t feel right about their body parts, physical characteristics, or societal interactions in terms of their internal experience of gender.
Gender Expansive: Referring to people who work to make culture more inclusive in terms of gender expression, gender roles, and gender norms in society.
Gender Expression: The way that a person publicly expresses their gender as masculine, feminine, androgynous, etc. For example, gender can be expressed through their clothing, hair and makeup, body language, chosen name, pronouns, mannerisms, interests, etc.
For trans people, they may also physically alter their body through medical interventions to match their internal gender identity such as hormone therapy or surgery. Also known as gender presentation.
Gender Bender: Referring to an attack on stereotypes about gender that questions norms and expectations in society. May also be referred to as a genderf*.
Genderfluid: Referring to a person who shifts between genders or who feels as though their gender changes over time either rapidly or gradually.
Gender Identity: A core sense of the self as being a woman, man, or neither. This does not always align with the sex assigned at birth and can develop and change over time. It also cannot be assumed based on outward physical characteristics.
Gender-Inclusive Pronouns: Pronouns that are neutral and can be used by both transgender and cisgender people. For example, the words they, them, and theirs when used to refer to a single person are gender-neutral pronouns.
Gender Minority: Referring to people who are transgender or gender non-conforming and are in the minority in relation to society as a whole in terms of the binary view of gender.
Gender Non-conforming (gender variant, genderqueer): People whose gender expression does not follow the gender norms or societal expectations for the sex they were given at birth or their perceived sex. This includes people who are androgynous, feminine men, masculine women, etc. This can include trans people but not all people who are gender non-conforming identify as trans. People of any gender can be gender nonconforming (e.g., cis, nonbinary, trans).
Gender Norms: The cultural and social norms assigned to women and men regarding clothing, appearance, roles, and behavior. For example, women are expected to behave more passively than men, while men are expected to be more dominant than women. People who do not fit gender norms may be singled out (e.g., an overly feminine man or a dominant woman).
Gender Queer: Referring to a person who does not align with the gender binary of man vs. woman.
Gender Questioning: Referring to a person who is questioning aspects of their gender such as their gender identity or gender expression.
Gender Roles: Societal norms about what it means to belong to a certain gender. These can change over time and refer to behaviors, interests, etc. They may also differ across cultures.
Gender Outlaw: A person who does not follow the rules of society as far as being defined in a binary way (male vs. female).
Graygender: Referring to a person who does not experience a strong pull toward any particular gender identity or expression.
Intergender: Referring to a person who does not experience one gender, but rather falls between male and female gender identities.
Internalized Transphobia: Feeling uncomfortable with oneself because of having transgender feelings or a gender identity that does not match one’s assigned sex at birth or the gender roles of society.
Intersex: A person born with characteristics that are not easily categorized as male or female (e.g., reproductive organs, chromosomes, hormones). For example, a man could be born with ovaries instead of testes or a woman could be born with XY chromosomes. Intersex occurs at a rate of about one in 1500 births but most people are assigned either male or female sex at birth regardless of being intersex. Intersex people may identify with their assigned sex, identify with the opposite sex, or identify as intersex. They do not usually identify as trans (transgender or transsexual).
LGBTTTIQ: An acronym representing lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, two-spirit, intersex, and queer.
LGBT: An acronym representing lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender.
LGBTQIA+: An acronym representing lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, intersex, asexual/ally, etc.
LGBTQ+: An acronym representing lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, etc. This acronym is internationally recognized.
LGBTQ2: An acronym representing lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, and two-spirit.4
LGBTI: An acronym representing lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and intersex.
“Lived” Gender Identity: The combination of an internal gender identity and how it is publicly expressed (gender expression) in daily life such as when shopping, at work, when in the community, etc.
M Through R
Male-to-female (MTF): Referring to people who were assigned male at birth but who identify as female. This may or may not involve changing the body through medical procedures.
Masculine-of-Center: People who identify as masculine. These individuals may or may not identify as a man. Being masculine-of-center does not indicate a person’s assigned sex at birth.
Masculine-presenting: People with a gender expression that they consider to be masculine. This includes outward expression through such things as body language, mannerisms, physical characteristics, and style. This term does not indicate anything about assigned sex at birth.
Maverique: A person who experiences their gender identity to be separate from current categories and descriptions.
Misgender: Calling someone by the wrong pronoun or using language that is not inclusive to their gender identity.
Multi-gender: People who identify with more than one gender. This includes people who identify as bigender, trigender, pangender, polygender, and in some cases, genderfluid.
Neutrois: People who have a gender that is neither male nor female. This includes nonbinary, genderless, genderfluid, and agender identities.
Nonbinary: Nonbinary (sometimes called enby or nb) is an umbrella term for anyone who falls outside the gender binary of male or female. Some people simply identify as non-binary and some identify as a specific type of nonbinary identity. Examples include genderqueer, genderfluid, agender, bigender, etc.
Novigender: A gender identity used to describe the experience of people who don’t feel that their gender can be described using existing categories due to its complexity.
Out or Out of the Closet: Being open about one’s gender identity with others.
Outing Someone: Outing someone means telling a person about someone else's gender identity or sexuality when they may not be out yet. Ex. My friend Stacy told her parents I'm trans when I didn't want them to know yet. Outing someone can be very harmful as they might not be in a safe environment to come out on their own.
Omnigender: A person who identifies with all gender identities.
Pangender: A gender identity that involves experiencing many different gender identities simultaneously.
Passing: The experience of “passing” for one’s gender identity. For example, a transgender individual may be accepted by strangers as being the gender that they identify with even when this is different from their assigned sex at birth. This typically involves cues originating from physical characteristics, behaviors, and mannerisms.
Polygender and Pangender: The experience of displaying different parts from multiple gender identities.
Queer: Previously used as a derogatory term for transgender and transsexual individuals, which has since been reclaimed by the community to display their identities with pride.
Questioning: People who are in the process of questioning their gender identity and wish to explore different options.
S Through Z
Sex: A classification system assigned at birth based on a person’s physical characteristics, reproductive systems, chromosomes, hormones, and secondary sex characteristics. Sex is generally classified at birth as male, female, or intersex based on the appearance of the external genitalia. If these are ambiguous, sex is assigned based on internal genitalia, hormones, and chromosomes. Sex is generally recorded on the birth certificate but can sometimes be changed on this document as well as on other legal documents such as a driver’s license.
Sex Assigned at Birth: The sex assigned to a person at birth based on the existing classification system.
Social Dysphoria: A type of gender dysphoria that arises from distress about how other people label, interact with or perceive an individual. It can also be a result of one’s own behavior that is at odds with their gender identity.
Third Gender: The term third gender comes from native and non-Western cultures. It refers to a gender category that does not divide simply into male or female.
Trans Man/Trans Woman: A trans man is someone who was assigned the sex of “female” at birth but who identifies as a man (also known as female-to-male or FTM). A trans woman is someone who was assigned the sex of “male” at birth but who identifies as a woman (also known as male-to-female or MTF).
Transfeminine: Having a feminine gender identity but being assigned a different sex at birth.
Transgender/Trans: Transgender is as an umbrella term for anyone who identifies as a gender other than the one they were assigned at birth. This includes trans men or women and non-binary identities such as genderfluid, genderqueer, and agender.
Transitioning: Activities engaged in by trans individuals to affirm their gender identity such as changing their name, clothing, pronouns, sex designation, etc. This can include medical treatments such as hormone therapy, sex reassignment surgery, etc. This process is different for every person and the time it takes and activities that are engaged in are not universal.
Transmasculine: Having a masculine gender identity but being assigned a different sex at birth.
Transpositive: This term refers to the opposite of transphobia. This type of attitude is validating and accepting of transsexual and transgender individuals and celebrates their rights.
Transsexual: A person whose gender identity is different from the sex that they were assigned at birth. Transsexual generally means the individual has had gender-affirming surgeries and has fully gone through with their transition.
Transphobia: Intolerance, fear, aversion, prejudice, harassment, discrimination, violence, or hatred aimed at trans individuals and trans communities based on stereotypes and misconceptions.
Trigender: The experience of having three gender identities at the same time.
Two-Spirit: Two-Spirit is an important term in many indigenous cultures. It has no set definition but is mainly used to describe a spiritual view of gender or sexuality. It can be used to describe sexual orientation, gender identity, or spiritual identity. It is a term specific to Indigenous cultures and using it as a non-indigenous person would be cultural appropriation.
Those who are cisgender may experience a type of privilege in that they do not understand what it is like to live with a gender identity that is outside the norm. Rather than trying to understand things through your own set of life experiences and views, it’s important to acknowledge that you can’t possibly understand what it might be like to live as a transgender person or someone with a gender identity that goes against the norm.
In these cases, it is best to defer to someone else’s personal experience of what it is like to live their life and what would help them the most. If someone shares their preferred pronouns with you, keep them in mind the same way that you would if they had told you their first name.

No, I don’t fit into any of these because I’m just me.

I feel the same, gender isn't part of my identity. It doesn't matter to me. But I understand what it is.
I identify as a parent, I identify as caring, compassionate, calm, understanding. With the parent one, I think I'll still identify as a parent when I'm not parenting children. Some people still identify as a parent if their only experience was an early miscarriage. Some people may disagree with how I view my identity, they could think I'm highly strung and mean. How I identify can't ge defined by science, just like gender can't. Sex can be identified by science, it's black and white, everything else is a grey area.

sellingsoup · 05/07/2026 14:42

JLou08 · 05/07/2026 14:35

I feel the same, gender isn't part of my identity. It doesn't matter to me. But I understand what it is.
I identify as a parent, I identify as caring, compassionate, calm, understanding. With the parent one, I think I'll still identify as a parent when I'm not parenting children. Some people still identify as a parent if their only experience was an early miscarriage. Some people may disagree with how I view my identity, they could think I'm highly strung and mean. How I identify can't ge defined by science, just like gender can't. Sex can be identified by science, it's black and white, everything else is a grey area.

Edited

But to identify means you feel or say you belong to a particular group.

You are just stating what you think you are or you want to be. Calm and compassionate etc. You can’t identify as calm or compassionate you either are or you are not.

Calm people aren’t a group to identify into are they.

OP posts:
ILikeDungs · 05/07/2026 14:46

JLou08 · 05/07/2026 14:35

I feel the same, gender isn't part of my identity. It doesn't matter to me. But I understand what it is.
I identify as a parent, I identify as caring, compassionate, calm, understanding. With the parent one, I think I'll still identify as a parent when I'm not parenting children. Some people still identify as a parent if their only experience was an early miscarriage. Some people may disagree with how I view my identity, they could think I'm highly strung and mean. How I identify can't ge defined by science, just like gender can't. Sex can be identified by science, it's black and white, everything else is a grey area.

Edited

Sadly "identity" is the new cool buzz word that people embrace to feel current. Hip. Cool Man.

People don't identify as parents. They are a parent. People don't identify as caring, etc etc, they (supposedly) are caring etc etc. People won't still identify as a parent when not parenting ffs, they will still be a parent.

Perhaps being able to "identify" as something makes it sound more like a choice just like choosing what sex you want to be. Which might explain a lot. I don't identify as pissed off with all this nonsense, I just am.

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