AIBU to want to be dishonest in my Airbnb review?

[queenceleste]

I just stayed in a good well priced airbnb which is within someone’s home.

The experience was fine but the owner sent different signals to the advertised offer.

I felt that the listing said one thing about shared spaces but they didn’t confirm that on arrival. My friend who stayed with me said I was making my discomfort up!

I just feel I want to give them a great review as they were really good - I just felt much more uncomfortable than usual - but we usually stay where we don’t see the owner!

I’m always loathe to give anything negative in a review. I’m interested if other people feel that same reluctance.

Why do you have to leave a review at all? You’re tying yourself up in knots over a non issue. Just drop it and move on with your life

Good god, people are so obtuse. Humans are animals with an exceptionally well developed ability to read body language and other social cues. There is an objective difference between someone warmly welcoming a guest into their space, and someone who is doing it reluctantly. Why is everyone assuming that the problem is definitely that the is OP misjudging this

Yes, her friend didn't feel the same reservations, so perhaps OP is being oversensitive. But it is also the responsibility of the host to go out of their way to ensure that guests feel comfortable in using the facilities they have booked and paid for - it works both ways.

Not really YABU — but I'd gently push back on how you're framing this.
Wanting to leave a positive review because the host was kind isn't dishonest — it's just... one true thing. The dishonesty would be leaving out something a future guest might actually want to know, like "the shared-space setup wasn't quite what the listing described." Those two things aren't in conflict. You can write a warm, genuinely positive review that also includes a factual, neutral note about the mismatch between the listing and what you found on arrival.
Something like: "Lovely host, very accommodating, would recommend — one thing to flag for future guests: the listing describes [X] about shared spaces, but in practice [Y]. Worth checking with the host directly before booking if that matters to you."
That's not a takedown. It's useful information, delivered kindly, and it protects the next guest from being surprised the way you were.
On the reluctance to say anything negative at all — that's really common, especially with Airbnb because it feels personal (you're reviewing someone's home and often someone you met face to face) in a way hotel reviews don't. But the review system only works if people are honest about the actual experience, not just about whether they liked the person. A listing being inaccurate about shared spaces is exactly the kind of thing reviews exist to surface — it's not petty, it's practical.
Your friend saying you're "making it up" is a different question — that's about whether your discomfort was reasonable, not about whether you're allowed to mention it. You don't need someone else to validate that you found something uncomfortable in order to write about it honestly.

We stayed in a house a few years ago. The photos and the blurb made out that it was a separate annex with the owner living in the main house. It turned out that it was a bedroom and ensuite in the owners house. The reviews were very positive and it was only when I scrolled back through several pages of them when we got home that the fact that it was a b and b in the owners house was mentioned. She was lovely, we were only staying one night and the breakfast was delicious so it turned out sort of okay. We mentioned over breakfast that we'd thought it was self contained. She said ' oh yes that happens all the time' so it wasn't me being thick. She said several people had left immediately because they hadn't realised. I wrote a positive review because there were many good things but I did add a sentence about it being a room and bathroom in the owners house rather than a separate space( not rude because that's exactly what it was). If she hadn't been lovely or we'd booked for a few days rather than just one we'd probably have cut the trip short so I can understand you felt a bit uncomfortable. I would never book a stay that involved any contact / shared spaces with the owner.

I wouldn't chose to stay in someone's house again via Airbnb or any other service.
I was grateful at time,
BUT, I did not want to be prayed for or on or whatever.
I was pissed I was unable to leave my room & exit without setting off house alarms before 7am!!
I definitely recognised the husband. I asked him if he knew X, his eyes said 'shit' while his head was saying nope 😂
But I left a nice review because I really needed to be in that area & couldn't find another place for those few days 🤷🏻‍♀️

The original idea of Airbnb was taking a room in someone's house for cheap. It morphed into more expensive holiday lets and contained units. The expectation changed with it.

Personally speaking I wouldn't want to stay in a stranger's home with shared spaces. I'd feel the same as you did. I don't want to be tolerated in someone else's space.

It's not complaint-worthy but I understand why you're asking.

If it was clear in the description it was a shared space or there would be shared spaces then yabu. If it is not clear in the description then mentioning that some spaces are shared is fine.

You've found out shared spaces are not for you.

Just give a review saying all the great things, then add "The only slight issue I had was that I didn't feel it was clear which spaces were private and which were also used by the host. Host was lovely, but it wouldn't have been helpful to know which spaces they would access while we were there. For example, sitting room, garden (whatever it was)"

I think you could say the postive things and then add "we didn't want to intrude on the owner in the shared spaces so we mostly stayed in the bedroom". That makes it clear it was your feeling not what the owner did, but also alerts future guests that the owner might not be overly keen to actually share.

I think this is a good way of putting it.

I wouldn’t be keen on sharing a living room with the owner so I would never book where it said shared spaces as that would indicate to me that I would be sharing those spaces with the host and that they would be in there too.

I get what you’re saying OP and it sounds like owner wants the extra money from Airbnb but not the actual hassle of having people cooking in the kitchen for example.
I would keep your reply short and factual. Reviews are often quite effusive on Airbnb so the lack of anything positive about the host will come across without you having to say it.

Completely understand where you're coming from @queenceleste

If you want to flag to future customers, who may very well feel the same as you when choosing a room in a shared home, you could simply say, along the lines of;

"Although the listing does offer full access to shared spaces (eg kitchen, living room, garden?) from my, purely personal, perspective this was not my experience.

For me, it was more comfortable just to remain in the bedroom without imposing on the host in an otherwise lovely property."

Could that convey what you felt @queenceleste?

Actually this is a very good way of putting it

This is exactly what I experienced but I do feel unable to be that honest even though it’s carefully worded. As my one visit is a small thing - this is part of the host’s important income so I would hate to harm them.

Just to say we stayed here very affordably for 4 nights and a hotel would have cost maybe three times as much.
The great thing about this place was the free parking on a fantastic bus route.
Last weekend we stayed at a hotel which was far from the parking and far from the reception in a separate building. So although we had more privacy in the hotel - this airbnb despite the slightly scary host - gave me parking HEAVEN! so the savings plus the parking mean that on reflection this was a great airbnb and I need to not be so neurotic 😆

Leave a fair review - do all the positives bits and then say something along the lines of "the only slight niggle about the place was that it was unclear where the shared spaces were and when we could have access to them but otherwise we enjoyed our stay"

I think that's the best of the suggestions. I rely on reviews to help me make decisions about holiday accommodation, so I appreciate guests who point out slight niggles. Sometimes other people's niggles are positives for me so it doesn't necessarily put me off (in the same way that what other people might praise, would be my nightmare!)

Stop apologising for yourself. You're allowed to have preferences regarding your accommodation, and if this was a disadvantage for you, then you can say so, politely.

I get really fed up with over-positive reviews when people simply think that they are obliged to give 5* and say everything was wonderful, when it wasn't. It doesn't do the rest of us any favours.

The whole point of a review is to say what is good and what's not.

Soo say what you thought:

Great place (comfortable beds, lovely views, whatever)
But we weren't actively shown around the shared spaces mentioned on the listing, and so didn't feel welcome to use them.

On airbnb you can also just message the owner if you want to raise an issue that you think might be unfair to put in a review. This could be one.

Eurgh I hate shared air bnb. Last one I did had really strict rules eg no food at all in room (even though my partner was ill) and two enormous dogs.

You are being very silly here OP…just leave it. No review necessary!

This is honest and seems like an accurate reflection of what went on?

I think you should be honest - ‘it was a brilliant place etc, but that there was more sharing than you had expected and hosts were very present, so if other bookers don’t mind that or enjoy the company, they will love it.’

It’s honest, positive, and many others booking will not mind. I’m like you - I would only want a private use apartment or space and would have assumed ‘shared spaces’ might have referred to a basement laundry or the pool. I’d appreciate being warned up front so that I can book elsewhere.

This is what I've come to hate about air bnb, people feel they can't leave a review with any negative or even neutral parts.

Even with the best stay, you could usually comment on things other guests might like to know.

I stayed in one recently where the mattress was the most firm I've ever experienced, it was hard as concrete. Now this is not necessarily a negative, some people like this type of mattress and find it's much more comfortable. I mentioned it in my review - not rubbishing the place but one line saying the mattress is koala brand and quite firm. I got a long ranting email from the owner about how terrible I was and how could I do that. But if someone else had left that review, I could have not stayed there, and the owner could have hosted another guest that would have enjoyed and left a good review.

I stayed in one recently in someones home, done it before no problems, but i was pissed off as it was obvious one person didnt want someone in their house and i wanted to leave a good review but also that one host was rude, i didnt leave z review in the end but this time for weeks airbnb stalked me via email saying i had to leave a review and it would bad if i didnt and i couldnt use airbnb again and then the host left a review about me!! And i was still stalked WTF