AIBU to refuse GTA for my 14-year-old despite peer pressure?

[Jorge14]

My 14 year old son has asked for an age 18 computer game (GTA) as he’s the only one of his friends that doesn’t have it - he’s shown me online as you can see the ones who are playing it. I really don’t want him to have it but I don’t want him to get left out. Back story, my older son was ostracised and bullied at school because he had an Xbox whilst all his friends had a play station, it left him with awful mental health and he didn’t even finish school. I realise those kids are absolutely appalling for treating him like that, and he is ultra sensitive due to neurodivergence, but if I could go back I time I would’ve just got him the PlayStation to save the run of events we experienced after that. I wish mum’s could just normalise not getting these computer games. I don’t want him to have the game but I want him to feel included. WWYD

Depends on the 14 year old

Our teens knew that we were opposed to them getting certain games/online access before they were ready.

Our 15 year old asked for GTA when he was 15 and after a conversation about how it’s just a game, just pixels on a screen, that he wasn’t to get upset about losing or even consider that it was real life or if couldn’t turn it off, it affected his school work, his personality changed, it made him angry, if any of that happened we would take it off him (similar conversation with youngster about Fortnite aged 13) - if he agrees to all that I would let him have it.

By the time our 15 year old got GTA his best mate already owned a bank! (Which in GTA world means far too many hours playing I think)

It comes down to the 14 year old tou know him best. Put your terms and conditions in place and get him to agree beforehand.

Yanbu. I expect the bullies would have found something else to bully about with your older son. Explain to your son your principles and why you won't let him have it.

A friend of mine worked on an earlier version and he justified the adult (grotesque) themes in it by the fact it has an 18 certificate so younger teens shouldn't be playing it. They know full well most parents don't take notice of the age ratings.

Thank you. My guts saying no at the moment.

Everyone I knew as a young teen had GTA. We all played it, including myself when we were all together (I'm female and not a gamer, it was just so popular and something we all did). I'd get him the game.

It's tough but yes, of course you can. I have 4 sons and made it very clear that GTA would never cross our threshold no matter what their ages. They didn't like it but all survived. There are other games.

I feel the same, I think it’s because of the damage caused by my older son being left out of something that is tearing me 2 ways. I just wish all parents could stick to the age limits as would save so many problems

My 11yo reports that his friends play GTA. I've said he can play it once he's moved out of home.

He'll only play it at his pals then. Banning it at 14 does nothing but make him the odd one out. Trust me, 2 ds's here. I was horrified to find out my 13 Yr old was well versed in GTA as his best pal had older brothers who played it.
My ds's are grown up and as sensible as can be, it did them no harm.

Its your call @Jorge14

I really really don't think your older DS didn't finish school because he had the wrong console.
If his friends bullied him for that they weren't friends. And that was his problem - that he couldn't distinguish between real and fake friends. Which is common unfortunately in ND kids.

My 14 year old has it. He likes to build up a collection of cars and likes to show me them (he loves cars). Plays with mates on it. Has time limits and it hasn’t affected his personality. I would have preferred to hold off another year but all his friends had it and he wanted to play with them. Luckily, he’s a sensible lad and not about to be influenced by it to become a killer or a drug lord.

Parents need to realise you cant wrap your ds in cotton wool. They'll see and hear things from their pals, and enemies, at school and outside school that would horrifying you. At 14 a lot of his pals will be drinking, smoking weed or worse and having sex regularly. And a lot will have total access to every bloody thing online. Or big brothers who like winding up their young brothers and give them access.

That's the world your kids are growing up in. Far better to let them make their own choices and teach them personal responsibility at 14 rather than ban everything you are scared of.

I'm not really of the thought process that a game like that would lead someone to commit violence in real life. Unless there's already something pretty wrong.

He must play other games where you have to shoot/kill the enemy/your opponents?
If he already games and you're fine with that I'd probably allow it.

At 14 I wasn't into games but I certainly watched plenty of 18 rated films. It was clear in my mind it's fictitious and for entertainment purposes. Not an instructional video on how to behave in real life.

Right from the early days of having a console I have said no to GTA. Even DH! Weirdly I’ve never had an issue with the other violent/first person shooter games but GTA feels different. I remember my brother having it when we still lived at home and thinking it was awful then.

YANBU

I feel like the parents that outright ban GTA have never actually played the game.

Lighten up and buy him the game. He’s 14 not 4. I played GTA when I was in primary school. Don’t go around car jacking and running people over it that helps.

You are right that it could’ve happened anyway but it was the start of it because they all played & had a gaming WhatsApp group that he wasn’t on. I realise these boys are not even worth being friends with but I believe being in the fold would’ve at least got him through school. I’m just saying this is why I’m torn because being left out at 14 feels awful but I just don’t want him to get that game.

Be careful banning things, it can make them more attractive and encourage dishonesty. My parents were very religious and banned nearly everything, even the ghostbusters cartoons! This made me secretive and unable to talk to them about things

It’s really not that big a deal. What do you think is going to happen if you let him play it?

I played it on the PC from a much younger age then him and I turned out absolutely fine. It’s horrible being the only one singled out especially over something minor. He’s probably playing it at his friends houses anyway.

Yeah see I’m not OTT & he is an honest and sensible boy….

Yeah see I’m not OTT and he is a honest & sensible boy. My DH thinks we should get it but hsve strict time limits etc

I remember being 10 and the boys in my class talking about GTA. Not something I’d allow as the mother of a 9 year old boy now. Not sure what some parents were thinking buying a game that says 18 on it for 10 year olds.

Saying that there’s a big difference between 10 and 14. When I think about the things I did at 14 playing a game with a few boobs and guns is probably not a big deal.

I have a rule where my kids can play the next age level up, so my 13 year old can play things rated 15 but not 18. So he can stretch a bit but there’s still some measure. We also talk about the premise of different games, he plays in a public room so I can keep an eye out. There are games he plays that I’m not keen on, but I’m not the one playing it. GTA is out because it’s an 18, I’ll revisit it when he’s a bit older.

It’s hard because some of his friends do play, but DS understands why the rules are there and we find other ways to connect. I also know he’ll play when he’s at his friends house and I don’t get bent out of shape over that.

Yeah see I wouldn’t say he can’t play it as his friend's because it’s so limited then (they don’t have many play dates though tbh & when his friends come here they tend to play football outside)

Get it and encourage your DH (or you) to play it too. Talk about what's good about it and what's dodgy about it.
It's a great game according to my DS who is nearly 40 now and a very gentle nerd.

I totally agree you can't wrap kids in cotton wool. Normalising illegal drug use and underage sex, however, is nuts. That isn't every school or social group in every region of the country. I'd be deeply worried if my kids were spending time with people doing things like that at 14. I appreciate not everyone has a choice of where they live and who their kids grow up with, but it isn't and shouldn't be normal everywhere.

As for GTA, my worry is that modern games are FAR more immersive than movies. And I would absolutely not be letting my kids play games with the level of violence against women, normalising profiting from the the sex and drug trade and general levels of sexualisation of women that modern GTA games have. If you aren't aware of how realistic games are now, I would strongly, strongly advise against letting your children play a game you haven't played first. I can almost guarantee that you'll think twice about it.

In a post Adolescence world, surely people can't really think that letting a 14 year old child role play in a hyper-realistic gangster ridden world is harmless. I wouldn't let my 14 year old in a strip club in real life so I wouldn't let them into a virtual one in GTA, either.

(I'm a gamer and not anti-gaming. The age ratings are there for a reason)