AIBU to refuse GTA for my 14-year-old despite peer pressure?

[Jorge14]

My 14 year old son has asked for an age 18 computer game (GTA) as he’s the only one of his friends that doesn’t have it - he’s shown me online as you can see the ones who are playing it. I really don’t want him to have it but I don’t want him to get left out. Back story, my older son was ostracised and bullied at school because he had an Xbox whilst all his friends had a play station, it left him with awful mental health and he didn’t even finish school. I realise those kids are absolutely appalling for treating him like that, and he is ultra sensitive due to neurodivergence, but if I could go back I time I would’ve just got him the PlayStation to save the run of events we experienced after that. I wish mum’s could just normalise not getting these computer games. I don’t want him to have the game but I want him to feel included. WWYD

Your 14yo is likely already being/been exposed to everything GTA has in its offering unfortunately. In my experience, it’s the fact that it’s been withheld that causes the apparent ‘need’ or want of it…it’s become forbidden fruit. I had similar with Roblox years ago…finally relented and DS played with it for all of 4 hours then deleted it.

My parents thought it wasn’t every school or social group or region in the country and I still got pregnant at 15 and my brother was smoking weed younger than that.

I remember in primary school the boys in my class talking about gta, I wouldn’t let mine play it that young either but by 14 he probably already knows about the bad things in the game. And in two years he can join the military.

Have a chat with him
be honest about your concerns - about the game and socially for him
See what he says take it from there

with the tv shows on tv these days gta is quite tame, for me i was into metal gear solid series at 14ish then the original top down gta on pc at 15/16 and similar with command and conquer, theme hospital, theme park, roller coaster tycoon etc so they balanced the effects out from each of them

Exactly. A normal 14 Yr old in leafy Berkshire still has access to everything a 14 Yr old in Brixton has.

YANBU.

Sorry about your older son. But if it hadn't been the choice of games console, it would have been something else. It's not your fault.

My husband loves GTA and has all of them. The kids would often be in the room when he was playing so were exposed to it. It didn't do them any harm. My DD used to like to play - she just drove around getting haircuts and buying new clothes! It doesn't have to be massively violent, and it is just a game. How is he affected by other games? Is it just the rating, or the idea of playing the game and the effect it has on him that you are worried about? If it is just the rating, buy it for someone else in the family and say he can play on it when supervised.

Honestly, I have 5 boys and they played GTA at that age. They were all lovely teenagers and it didn't turn them into juvenile delinquents! They're all grown men now and normal law abiding citizens. I do think the hysteria about computer games is over the top - when I was a teen, it was gory horror films and heavy rock music being warned about and it didn't turn us into monsters either! Let him have the game and play it with his friends - it really won't do him any harm.

GTA is a game for adults, hence the big yellow 18 sticker on the front.

That sticker has been put there due to careful assessments by qualified psychologists.

You can choose that as a basis for deciding which age groups the game is appropriate for.

Or you can choose internet experts who apparently think it is OK because, in their words, "it never did them or their kids any harm".

I let my son have it when he was 12 for similar reasons. It has very sexual and violent content though. My son is now waiting for GTA6 which he can only play at friends as our PS isn't advanced enough for the graphics. He never plays the old version or other 18+ games anymore but there was definitely an addictive period. I only truely object to horror games. Not saying I'm the best example but this has been my experience. My younger son is 12 and does not want to play it. He says he'll wait at least till he's 16.

I take this position too.

If it didn’t have the misogynistic violence I’d be more flexible potentially. So far I’ve stuck to the age limits. He’s asked for CoD and I’ve said no but if all his friends start playing, that’s one I might consider.

I looked into this quite a lot when ds wanted it. I'd resisted until he got to 15, then did some research. Online and story mode are different. I spoke to ds about the misogyny and how offensive it is and there's a way you can bypass story mode (which is where the worst of this is) on set up. I told ds he could have it if he didn't play it on story mode, and he said he only wanted the other mode anyway. There's still swearing and violence, but we've never been particularly precious about swearing (films, music) and ds isn't predisposed to violence, and knows that heists and drug dealing are no way to make a living in real life! Seven months down the line and he's tired of it already tbh.

All mothers of sons believe that their boys are "lovely young men" though dont they? Even though we know that lots of young men are not lovely at all, especially not towards women.

What about the fact that you can have sex with a sex worker and then beat her up to get your money back?

That crosses a line for me and I will not have it in my house and would not accept any one playing it in my house. The gamification of violence towards women is not something I will contribute to.

Stick to your decision OP, good on you for doing so.

It's a horrifically mysogynistic game, the violence levels especially against women, I genuinely don't know how any normal person would want to play that. No way I'd allow it for a young impressionable teen.

Why would you let a 12 year be exposed to that?

Oh that’s helpful to know.

How do you feel about giving money to a game that has misogyny and violence towards women in it?

If my husband played GTA in a room with 1 of our children I'd go nuts. He is a gamer, has every Nintendo system since the NES and hundreds of games. Thank God he's not into violent mysogyny. I'd seriously question the motives of a man wanting to play that. He plays sports games, final fantasy, zelda, various similar things, platform and roleplay and football manager.

I’m going to get flamed but my Ds is 14 and we will be getting it for him. He plays online with all his friends from school- he has a gaming room next to our living room and we can hear every word (!) and they will all be playing it. It’s easy to say don’t give in to peer pressure but it’s absolutely awful to be the one left out and a lot of people saying it would be something else - why give them anything to be ostracised for if you don’t need to? My Ds has watched lots of things and played lots of things others here would be horrified by but I really think it depends on the child and their maturity etc. We have a very good close relationship and talk about things together all the time; he’s very clued up about violence in games not being real / dangers of talking to strangers online etc etc. Ultimately you have to make your own choice but it will certainly mean your Ds is left out somewhat if everyone else has it and he doesn’t. That’s just the world we live in now.

I think that's a fair point. However, lots of music and films are also made that contain these themes too, you can't just ban access to everything. Teens will soon be adults, they need autonomy with guard rails - I didn't buy it for him, he spent his own money. We spoke about the themes in it and I challenged him to think about how women are represented in it.

I may compromise at call of duty …..

Because he was (via all his friends) exposed to it already. We did talk about how it was showing things that aren't real, that are exaggerated and even like a caricatute. Just like rap and hip-hop videos, which he also likes and can easily access on YouTube, or some manga and comics that his brother likes that is sexually charged.

I have three sons, all gamers. They're grown up now, but I remember the arguments about them wanting an earlier version of GTA back then. I allowed it at 16, but not before. The trouble was, if the eldest was playing it his two younger brothers would want to as well, and they were 15 and 12 at the time, but the 12 year old fortunately wasn't particularly interested as it's not his type of game. I remember having conversations with them about the content. They've turned out alright anyway.

Based alone on the graphic nature of the sex scenes at the strip club I’d recommend not allowing it yet!