AIBU - I want to find my first love

[LostMyFirstLove]

Long time lurker, name changed to ensure this isn’t outing.

just as it says in the title really, I want to find him - more than anything just to know he’s ok (alive tbh, he was a biker!). I have no inclination to ‘rock the boat’ or run away with him or anything silly.

I’ve always had a recurring dream where I know where he is and can see him but can’t get to him. Just recently, this has morphed into a dream where I can see him and talk to him.

Over the years, I’ve often thought of him and wondered how he was doing, and I just really want to he’s ok and has had a good life. I’ve tried all the usual ways to find him - Facebook and instagram but he has a spectacularly common name so is proving quite difficult.

Don't stalk an ex, no good comes of it.

Why do you need to know how he's doing?

How long ago are we talking since you last saw him or had contact?

I don’t know really, it’s always just played in my mind as to whether he had a good life.

we went out separate ways in early 2000’s

Don't bother, you'll regret it.

If he wanted to keep in touch he would, leave the memories in the past

Hes probably not that hard to find , social media? Google.
Im in contact with my first love due to facebook, we dont really speak after he initial" hi how has your life" been messages. nice to see him and his wife and family doing well.

No good will come of this. Leave it in the past where it belongs

OMG, why would you do that? Why did it end? How old were you?

What would you hope for in finding him? He was clearly very important to you. Were you to him. There is so much not being said here.

I’ve tried all these things but like I said, he has a particularly common name which makes it difficult - that coupled with the fact not everyone uses social media, it seems impossible 😢

So you haven't seen or heard from him in over 20 years - I would just leave it to be honest. I'm not sure what good it would do hunting him down, as others have said, it comes across a bit stalkerish.

What would you actually say? "Hi, thought I would track you down to make sure you are still alive and are having a nice life". He replies that he is, then what? "Ok thanks for letting me know, bye."

keep your memories the reality now will probably shatter them.

I can understsnd the curiosity but would you actuslly contact him ?

More than anything, I think I just want to know that he’s alive and happy!

we lived together when I was 18/19 but I never particularly got along with his sister, which wasn’t overly an issue because she lived miles away but she loved to wax lyrical about how I wasn’t good enough for him (she thought a lot of herself and her social standing), eventually it wore us down. The final nail in the coffin was when she convinced him I was only after money and we had a huge row. We separated but stayed civil and in contact until one day we just didn’t.

Honestly, OP, the fact that you didn’t just drop the idea when a quick Google didn’t find him suggests you might be a bit over-invested. What difference is it going to make if you did find out he’d died in a crash in 2010, or has spent every day since you split propping up the bar of his local, and is now bald, beerbellied and toothless, entirely happy with himself? Or is a corporate drone with a corner office, three sons at Durham, and a coke habit?

No, I don’t think I would to be honest.

Fair point x

You could try searching anyone you can remember who he was friends with or related to on SM that had more uncommon names and then look through their friend list..........not sure it's a great idea but if you really want to find him

And what if you find he hssent had a good life?
My first proper boyfriend died last year he was a raging alcoholic he had never done anything with his life other than drink
I hadent seen him in probably 30 years but i was upset for his family.

Also another fair point! I think it’s just the curiosity getting the better of me x

My first love is contactable. We were together for 10 years. I don’t do FB, instagram or anything like that so don’t know anything.

We didn’t break up for any reason than the relationship came to its natural conclusion.

Of course I wonder about how he is doing as I do with many people I have come across in my life. But for me it is the memories. It is good to have people come and go in your life.

I would be mortified if he reached out to me. I say that lightheartedly. Ummm! Good luck,
let us know how it goes if you do find him.

I know how you feel. I know where my ex is but I have no idea how he Is. He hasn't got a partner. I would love to go and see him but he lives a long way away.

I was just like you, I married someone else, but always thought about him, I used to dream about him and sometimes I could smell his cologne!!!
I found him on a old class list site, added my name, and he messaged me. To cut a 18yr old story short, we have been married 12yrs, he was my one and only true love.

I occasionally feel wistful like this, OP.

There’s someone I wish I could find, just to know if he’s ok, and what happened next for him, but it’s not a good idea.

It’s best to let these things go and concentrate on making your life in the present as happy as possible. Some things aren’t meant to be.

How about googling ‘John Smith from Durham, name of secondary school’? Or ‘John Smith, Branham Estate Agents 1993’ or similar?

I love this for you ❤️