AIBU - I want to find my first love

[LostMyFirstLove]

Long time lurker, name changed to ensure this isn’t outing.

just as it says in the title really, I want to find him - more than anything just to know he’s ok (alive tbh, he was a biker!). I have no inclination to ‘rock the boat’ or run away with him or anything silly.

I’ve always had a recurring dream where I know where he is and can see him but can’t get to him. Just recently, this has morphed into a dream where I can see him and talk to him.

Over the years, I’ve often thought of him and wondered how he was doing, and I just really want to he’s ok and has had a good life. I’ve tried all the usual ways to find him - Facebook and instagram but he has a spectacularly common name so is proving quite difficult.

I never lost touch with mine, and i need to pack up a 60th birthday present for him - we just morphed into friends about 40 years ago.

Last year, I was visiting somewhere that an ex used to work at, and I wondered what he was up to, and pinged him on LinkedIn after finding him, about 25 years after we first spoke. He's married with a child, doing really well in his career, and it was just really nice to know he's doing well in life. I'd happily meet as a friend, no intention of rekindling anything. I mailed him, "I don't know if you remember me..." and he replied, "Of course I remember you!" which rather surprised me, TBH.

So yes, many will tell you not to, but i would. But we had a former fiancee of my father's at his funeral, so it's normal to me. I don't know if it's partly a consequence off small-town / rural life.

Ah OP I wouldn’t recommend it. I felt the same, mine had a dangerous job and I just wanted to know he was alive and happy. I had the opposite problem from you though, he had a very unusual name. So I put his name in Google and milliseconds later I had my answer. His job had killed him a couple of years after we split.

I would rather not have known.

Can you find any of his family members on social media? You can search is sister, and filter it by city I think. So even if her name is Joanne Smith, you can then filter it on Facebook by looking at Jo Smiths in Sheffield. Or look up his friends?

Have you looked on companies house?

Do you know where in the UK he lives?

I don’t think this is a good idea tbh.

When people harbour strong feelings about an ex they are invariably based on nostalgia.

There’s a reason you split up.

Very likely he is married or in a relationship and you could make his current partner feel very uncomfortable.

Its one thing if you cross paths with someone organically but I think going looking for someone rarely ends well.

I’m so sorry for you 😢