To find colleague’s zen like contentment inspirational?

[Gratitupe]

I have a colleague, male, in his 40s. He’s married with one child. He’s a solicitor. The firm we work for has four levels of solicitor from Associate to Partner. He’s on the second rung of that ladder, having qualified in his 30s following a career change.

He’s a brilliant lawyer. I mean brilliant. Encouraging to others, a good mentor. Good with clients. He’s clear got what it takes to be promoted.

But he doesn’t want it. He’s been approached several times to put himself forward and says he’d rather not. He likes his job as it is, isn’t interested in the business development or management he would have to do at the next level. He earns more than enough in his current role, doesn’t think the pay increase is worth the extra work.

He has an air of almost zen like contentment about him. It’s got to the point where people who are less experienced and less good are getting promoted around him - and seek him out for guidance in their promoted roles.

It’s inspirational really. AIBU?

Or perhaps his aspiration is to earn enough money and still see his child grow up and have his marriage survive. Most very senior people in any company are a bit of a red flag to be anyway. There are some good eggs, but more are personality disordered than at the lower levels, which is partly why they got into these positions in the first place. Why have the hassle for more money you don't need and less time for non work related stuff. It only makes sense to those who are driven by power and admiration.

Not necessarily wealth, just progression. I’m an academic so not wealthy but I’ve risen from a working class home where nobody completed GCSEs let alone a degree, masters, PhD and postdoc like me. I’m always striving to learn more, progress, shift gears. Some people are satisfied floating along.

Good for him! I've had many roles in my life in different areas, from delivery girl to senior regional management.

I've settled now in my 40s into a 'one rung up' technical role. The pay is excellent for the level of work required. I work a 3 day week and run a multi child household comfortably on my salary alone.

I've been asked a couple of times to consider applying for my managers job, but why would I take a 5 day week high responsibility job managing people for a net pay increase of about 2000 a year? There lies madness!

That doesn’t sound very zen!

I’m like your colleague. I’ve reached the level and salary I want to get to and live a comfortable life on it. It’s not about having no aspirations. I had aspirations in my teens and twenties, I’ve now met them. The only aspirations I have now are in my personal life. Having a happy life with my family is my main priority. Getting a promotion and extra pay, along with stress and longer hours wouldn't bring me more happiness.

This is me….im a b6 nurse and have never wanted to go for promotion. I’ve enough money to live on, no kids, almost retired so no mortgage etc. I like seeing patients f2f and zero interest in sitting at the computer or attending meetings all day which is what I’d get at a b7.

Pity there’s not more people around like this who have lots of knowledge/experience in their job because they have been doing it a long time.
Generally it seems like lots of people get promoted to their level of incompetence and mess everything up, whilst blaming the people below them.

I completely get this - my professional satisfaction is from doing my job well, and also in earning enough to not need to work all the time.

I’m immensely grateful that career-driven people like my bosses exist, so that I can work for them 😝 but I have no desire to bring that stress into my own life, even though I’m now old/senior enough that I could go for a ‘boss’ role. I have been told that my personality type is ‘all about the fun’ and managing people/complaints/finances is definitely not “the fun.”

@PermanentTemporaryband 6 is the sweet spot, I heard you get taxed a lot on band 7.

He earns more than enough in his current role, doesn’t think the pay increase is worth the extra work.

Herein lies one of the more challenging societal problems.

My first promotion saw me earning nearly £10 an hour at a time when minimum wage was around £5.50.

I've been promoted three times since and earn around £20 an hour and minimum wage is nearly £13 an hour.

So I was promoted one step and got paid double, but now I'm four levels up and not even earning double. My role hasn't got easier, so now I think why bother going further up? At some point minimum wage will get close enough to my current salary that I can change to a job I'd like to do for less stress (yes, I know I'll get bashed for implying minimum wage jobs are a piece of cake but that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying I've worked in a cafe before and I loved it so why wouldnt I do that if the pay difference was negligible and I might even get tips).

The more senior roles in my area don't just mean more responsibility, but more hours - both in terms of the extra workload but also being contactable outside off office hours, unofficially and in a formal rota. I wouldn't want that, regardless of the money on offer (and it's not that much, as it's a banding system)

What do you think succeeding in life means though? If someone has continuously strived in the workplace/capitalist sense for promotions, more money and the lifestyle that comes with it, but is constantly stressed and burnt out and has very little downtime to enjoy the trappings of that lifestyle, are they really more successful than someone who is at a lower level and earns less but is genuinely content and happy, and has more time and freedom to do things that aren’t work?

By why would learning, striving etc only be reached through a work context rather than in other areas of life. I'm not saying you're wrong just that academic success was what was important to you (and you made a career through it), but people have different goals and areas they want to stretch themselves and some choose not to do that through work.

I see it as putting work in its right place. I work to support myself and my family, in something I find interesting but which doesn't reflect every facet of me. And therefore my sense of achievement and worth are not conditional on my career. That doesn't mean I don't have goals, or strive or push myself to learn and grow and expand.

I’m kind of in that position. I’m a consultant in a particular communications function. Left a £120k per year contract last year to go travelling for 2 months then work freelance for small NGOs with less than half that budget. I’m so much happier and more fulfilled.

Do you think ‘learning’ can only happen in an academic environment or that ‘achieving’ is something only to be accomplished through work? Why do you describe it as ‘floating along’?!

Laws very time consuming, especially as you climb the ladder. If I had to choose between a comfortable family income and a husband who was present and actively involved with the children, versus a husband who was working incredibly long hours including at weekends but loads of money I would chose the former. Especially because, a lot of the time, those long hours have to be facilitated by the other partner cutting back on or giving up work. Which might work for some couples but also means the extra money from the promotion is partially offset by the decrease in the other parents wages. Or the additional childcare costs. But some families prefer a single income so it might work for them.

Absolutely 💯 agree

This is me although I'm female but I've always chosen a balanced life over massive workplace success.

I'm comfortable, no mortgage and there's only so much money I need. I wanted to be there for my kids as they grew up, and now I'm out most evenings at gigs, theatre cinema etc. Couldn't do that at my age if I was exhausted from working all the time.

Your arrogance here is quite breathtaking.

Firstly, being a successful lawyer is hardly "floating along" is it?

secondly, your assumption that a life well lived only involves work is... well, rather sad and pathetic really. Its rare that anyone finds meaning in extra hours at work if they are already successful which this man clearly is.

I feel quite sorry for you.

That’s very zen!

zen is a school of Buddhism - and buddhism is definitely about not accumulating material possessions (many other things as well of course!)

Not what he said, but the way it was phrased. Sounds resentful and annoyed by it.

I’m massively underemployed. I’m much happier now doing a lower responsibility role for less money.

My life is absolutely lovely and well balanced.

Lool i have similar background and qualifications but changed career and got myself a professional qualification instead. Happy floating along thank you very much. One day you might have an epiphany where you realise life is not all about work... or at least be less judgey when others choose alternative ways to live.

The only issue is to make sure your pension is big enough and mortgage covered/ gone when you retire.

I keep reflecting on that story about the guy who spends his days fishing, while others keep telling him to be more ambitious. But he's like "why? I'm already doing what i want!" And have everything i need!

I so agree with this!
The NHS is a bugger for doing this: someone can be very good in a patient-facing role but the only advancement available is into people or business management, so people who want to advance have no choice but to do something they may not want to do and may not be good at.
One of my old lecturers used to say 'people get promoted to the level of their incompetence ', in that, someone is good at the job, gets promotion after promotion, till finally they are at a level when they are no longer good at the job (ie incompetent) and are stuck there.
So not all promotions are successful but taking a step back can be disastrous professionally.

It's funny that apparently we're all supposed to have the "drive" to climb and climb at work, as if you're just lazy or useless if you don't.

I would rather enjoy my job and have a nice life! You don't get to go round again cos you ended up as the CEO - you still die like the rest of us!!

seems not everyone wants to be a manager
i am the band i am with no wish to go higher
in fact have yearnings of going lower!