To find colleague’s zen like contentment inspirational?

[Gratitupe]

I have a colleague, male, in his 40s. He’s married with one child. He’s a solicitor. The firm we work for has four levels of solicitor from Associate to Partner. He’s on the second rung of that ladder, having qualified in his 30s following a career change.

He’s a brilliant lawyer. I mean brilliant. Encouraging to others, a good mentor. Good with clients. He’s clear got what it takes to be promoted.

But he doesn’t want it. He’s been approached several times to put himself forward and says he’d rather not. He likes his job as it is, isn’t interested in the business development or management he would have to do at the next level. He earns more than enough in his current role, doesn’t think the pay increase is worth the extra work.

He has an air of almost zen like contentment about him. It’s got to the point where people who are less experienced and less good are getting promoted around him - and seek him out for guidance in their promoted roles.

It’s inspirational really. AIBU?

I love this!
I work at a university in Manchester, so a different environment, but the people I most aspire to are the ones who feel they have enough and just do the job they have really, really well without striving for the next rung of the ladder.

Gosh some people are quite against people getting a happy contented life doing something they love over a climb the greasy pole one. Hurting yourself in other ways would be seen as self harm not socially responsible !

our country isn’t going to shit because people turn down promotions for a better quality of life. Imagine if we had a country full of happy people. How dreadful would that be

That’s a total misconception of how firms actually make money. You can’t just have salespeople; someone has to be a genius at the law to deliver results. A great firm needs both those who bring in business and those who knuckle down to do the work.

Mastering the craft isn't a lack of drive—it’s what prevents malpractice and keeps clients coming back. Without top-tier talent backing up the sales pitch, the business falls apart.

And OP, you are absolutely not being unreasonable. Your colleague has achieved something rare: true self-awareness and professional contentment. By choosing to prioritize his family, his love for the actual practice of law, and his own peace of mind over corporate status, he has successfully opted out of the toxic rat race. He isn't stagnant; he is a masterful, highly respected anchor for the firm who provides crucial stability and mentorship to those climbing the ladder around him.

Recognizing that more money isn't worth less happiness isn't a lack of drive—it is an inspirational masterclass in boundaries and modern career success.

But this man doesn't think a promotion would improve his life, so surely it would be mad to take it?

You are assuming 'improvement' means promotion and more money but this man disagrees. Choosing not to take a promotion is not necessarily apathetic, it can be a reasoned, well thought out decision.

I am like him but a project manager. No desire to move up and deal with the bs politics or manage people as direct reports. Yes I could earn more but all it means is more luxury holidays, maybe flying business class more often, maybe be able to save up for a new kitchen 5 months quicker. The trade off for me isn't worth it.

Very happy and content with my life. Ill make moves when it suits me and the lifestyle I want but I am not actively trying or have the need to.

Work smart not harder.

But what if that makes them happy and forever striving for something more would make them unhappy? What if doing their job well, but not pushing for more leaves them with the energy, headspace and time to pursue things they really love?

Why is it seen as a moral failing to not constantly want more, when wanting more is often the source of great stress and unhappiness? When did contentment become a dirty word?

Very sensible guy and he probably won’t get raised blood pressure.

Not everyone has this luxury though - his parents might need very expensive care in later life. Does he have the money for that? His children might want to go to university or do an MBA. Lots of expensive costs crop up in middle age.

I used to teach.

in the last decade or so I increasingly saw situations where nobody would apply for a promoted post (so one step up from teacher - leading on a particular aspect within the department for example, not head of department) because you’d only get an extra couple of thousand a year and the volume of work you’d be expected to do was insane.

people whose ambition was to be headteacher snapped these posts up because they are the first step up, but many people in teaching don’t want to be a headteacher or head of dept and increasingly they were just empty.

which created problems because the work (largely paperwork and admin) needed doing and it devolved to the head of department.

I love this, I think more of us could do to take a leaf out of his book!

Prioritising your health is not apathetic when stress is an underlying cause of so many health issues.

What price would you want to paid for that? If you knew the stress would cause a future health issue that affected the quality of your life how much money would you want to be paid to compensate for it?

I agree with this. My DH works at a job that he's been doing for a very long time so he's very good at it and very efficient. He often turns down promotions because we don't need the money, and it would have a signficant negative impact on our quality of life. He's survived several rounds of redundancy because he brings a lot of experience and stability. He has plenty of time for family life and hobbies.

I "missed" deadlines for highly encouraged level up. I am doing fine with money I get, could be nice to have more, but it has to be the right position for me. I am not going to go from no line managment responsibility to responsibility for 5 people for couple hundred pounds a month which would also take me away from what I like doing. Been there, done that.
It seems to confuse some people when some of us are just happy where they are and doing what we do.
It's not a lack of drive or ambition or being apathetic. I did more in my life than many of my colleagues. I probably worked more hours than them in total as well in the same working years...
I don't want to go back to stress, not being able to turn off work and all that responsibility for others.
It baffles some, frustrates my LM😂
I don't have kids so I don't have to fight tobring more money in to cover that costs.

Thank you all for your responses, very interesting!

He sounds amazing. How wonderful that he has hit a sweet spot in his career. He seems like a decent guy and would probably be a great leader, but aren't there also a lot of assholes in senior management? He might have decided to avoid this at all cost.

It would be amazing to have someone like that in an environment that it not money motivated, like a charity or working with children.

There are a few posters falling into the fallacy that ambition and drive are only measured in promotion and more money.

I don't think anyone without ambition or drive gets a lawyer job, does all the academic qualifications and is kept around doing their job properly.

Management is many (most?) people's idea of hell and it's often just put up with as a way of making more money. If money is what you want or need, that is all fine, but I reckon most of us would choose to stay doing the nuts and bolts of work we actually enjoy rather than trying to direct other people to do it.

They’re not, you know. Some posters arejust aware that in some fields there’s no place for contentedly pootling or someone who’s not striving to make partner, as the OP describes.

And yet there is every indication that this man does have a place?

There's also no indication he is 'pootling' or whatever other patronising turn of phrase you'd like to pull out. There's evidence that his bosses think he is a high performer by that fact he has been approached several times.

Exactly. To me it seems he has progressed really well in his internal world. I mean we don't know if he truly is as happy as it seems, but don't we all just not want to be bothered by much and be happy? it seems his purpose is not to progress in work and I find that to be impressive. There are other areas in life to progress in that may be not visible to anyone but ourselves.

it sounds like he is very valued in his place of work beyond his expertise as a lawyer. That I find impressive. I'd love to work with someone like that.

I wonder what his wife thinks of his ‘zen’ attitude to life…

I think it’s hard to imagine if your own career path is based around ascending from one level to the next rather than staying in one role. I’ve experienced both, and if you haven’t you may not realise that there can be as much challenge and change in the same role over the years - it is not just ‘doing the same shit’.

Some people stay in the same job because they CBA but many still care about their work, still enjoy the challenge of what they do, accumulate the sort of knowledge that others rely upon and are content with that. Conversely, there are also some work-shy not particularly skilled folk who play the game of leap-frogging from one job to the next job up, boasting skills they barely had time to test out, and I think many would recognise that sort of successful person in their own workplaces…

But, perhaps in his personal life, the part of life that actually matters, he’s doing things that some can only dream of?! Aspirations are different for everyone, careers only matter to people that are career driven. Perhaps his aspirations lie in seeing all the world’s cultures or whatever it might be. Perhaps he finds career driven people boring?

I agree @YourOliveBalonz I think it's different also if you're in a career where you started in an entry level job or one where you go in at a particular point due to training. I'm in social work, and lots of people move around within it but stay at a social work level, rather than moving up to management, because that's the job they trained to do and want to do. The nature of the job of a front line worker compared to management is completely different, it's not just a case of taking on some extra responsibility/duties and I understand why many would prefer the hands on work.

I used to have a lady in my department who did a brilliant job, intelligent, diligent etc. loved her job. But the company had a 'everyone wants to improve and get further up the ladder' mentality. Every year was a struggle with her PR as all the forms we had to fill in, were about what the progression plan was, she didn't want one, I knew she didn't want one; but the system didn't seem to be able to handle it.