To be p**** off he didn't tell me

[IfYouSuckAtPlayingTheTrumpet]

Please help me gain some perspective.

Our mortgage deal may fall through because of a broker's error.

I'm really upset because my husband did not tell me about this on Friday when he found out.
He says he was going to tell me today after a family event this weekend, to avoid ruining the fun for me...
I feel very differently about it. He has a history of being dishonest about financial decisions and so I felt this was another betrayal of trust, withholding information from me when we are both adults, able to make decisions and entitled to know the truth about our financial situation. In case relevant: we both work full time and pay into the mortgage equally.

So please tell me:
AIBU to be so upset with him?
Or was he just trying to be nice & save me a headache and let me enjoy the weekend when "there is nothing we can do about the situation"?

I'd say it's actually a problem with him.not a brokers error. I'd look for proof

I can see both sides but if he has form for being dishonest, which you say he has, then it’s no surprise that you feel let down and lied to.

What was the error?

I would speak to the broker myself, to be certain of the apparent issues and what truth there is to the "nothing can be done" attitude. Especially so given you know your DH has form for dishonesty.

Dressing it up as a kindness doesn't automatically make it one, I wouldn't be overly comfortable with my partner controlling the timeline of events for me and deciding when and how I receive information that I should be equally privy to.I am perfectly capable of receiving challenging news and would prefer we approached things equitably.

Equally I would not have left it to my DP/DH to deal with the broker in the first place so would never have been in the dark so to speak.

Do you trust him? It sounds like quite a draining relationship to be in if not.

"He has a history of being dishonest about financual decisions".....but you accept his word that this is a broker error? 🤔

What's the error?
Have you spoken directly to the broker?

The broker thought the end date of our early repayment period was July 1st. Turns out it's October 1st, but meanwhile our mortgage deal expires in August.
So we either face a new deal with much higher rates. Or very significant early repayment fees.

but this is not relevant to my feelings (much as I hate the situation). What I am upset about is the withholding of information.

No I don't like the fact that he didn't tell you. It implies he doesn't seem you as an equal partner. Sorry.

If this was a one off it's forgivable. If not less so.

I agree with everything you say. We have a joint email address to deal with mortgage stuff. But my husband says the conveyancers called him directly on Friday and that he has a private whatsapp chat with the broker. None if this info shows up in our email chain.

Hi ,your offer expires in August ?

I would find out all the details myself from the mortgage provider. I usually recommend honesty but I wouldn't bother broadcasting to your husband your going unless it comes up

Broker here , are you mortgaging with the same lender ?

Halifax for example will waive any ERC’s if you stay with them on the new mortgage

I think it partially depends on your reaction or expected reaction to the news. If you have a habit of overreacting/catastrophising (as I do) and it would therefore put a dampener on an important occasion then I can prob see his pov if it’s true that nothing can be done.

if you’re pragmatic and unruffled then less so.

Different lender.

He probably expected me to react badly. I have a right to know the news and react as I please, and decide for myself if there is no action to take or otherwise.
I'm going to contact the broker and ask why I was not informed as well.

Who is your existing lender ?

Surely those two options would have been the same whether or not your broker knew it was Oct. I think not telling you assumes you're emotional and would be upset and poor company if you were told on Friday Saturday.

Have you heard this from the Broker?

Can’t comment on the wider issues but I think delaying for a couple of days because you both had something on is reasonable.

I can see it from both sides. You can't do anything about it so what was the point in him ruining your weekend / event but also I would feel betrayed.

Although never finance related, I have a DH who 'holds off' telling me things I can't change or might not be firm plans to avoid stressing me out. Its drive me insane and ultimately causes more stress. Current one is meeting his family half way next year (they live in Australia). No firm plans, just talked about locations and dates but it is going to be next year. Only problem is I have been arranging to see his Gran who lives in South Africa next year.....which he knows about. We can't do both trips financially. DH thinks why tell me about the half way meet trip before there are firm plans.....I argue but I wouldn't have talked to Gran about the South Africa plans if I had known as we can't afford both. He also thinks he hasn't agreed to anything with his family so is free to tell them we can't go - his mother would not accept this as the whole point is to meet up half way. They could go elsewhere otherwise. Sometimes male logic dumbfounds me.

Perfectly reasonable that the broker contacted only one party, they can’t be expected to be phoning both parties who are having a mortgage together! They would expect the 2 people to be in contact about it!
It sounds as though DH was trying to prevent your nice weekend being spoilt by a situation that there can’t be anything done about! He’s obviously told you now so I don’t really understand what the problem is!
If you don’t trust him why are you still with him??

he has a private whatsapp chat with the broker
Why haven't you been added to the chat? Why has this chat been made instead of keeping it on email?

I would be rethinking my marriage, nevermind my mortgage.

100% dodgy. Your husband gave the broker the wrong info initially and he's trying to hide it.

I agree with PP, I'd want proof of what the error is. Which is what happens when you lie to people.

How did the mortgage broker know the EPC date of your current mortgage? Presume that info came from you and your DH? So not broker error.

Its disappointing but ultimately you were never entitled to this new rate, it's a communication error rather than a error that's cost you.

I've recently bought a house and spent hours dealing with my broker, they didn't update my DH also, at the start of the process he gave permission for me to handle everything. I wouldn't expect a broker to have to update two parties who should be communicating each other and presumably trust each other enough to own property together

In terms of your DH, if this was a one off, I can understand him shielding you until after the family event given it can't be changed. But the previous history of dishonesty etc is worrying and tbh I wouldn't be impressed if my partner didn't keep me informed but then in our relationship I'm the one who normally is over everything financial as I like to be in the know

Thank you for sharing perspectives! Lots of different opinions & I think I might show this to DH so he understands where I'm coming from