To be p**** off he didn't tell me

[IfYouSuckAtPlayingTheTrumpet]

Please help me gain some perspective.

Our mortgage deal may fall through because of a broker's error.

I'm really upset because my husband did not tell me about this on Friday when he found out.
He says he was going to tell me today after a family event this weekend, to avoid ruining the fun for me...
I feel very differently about it. He has a history of being dishonest about financial decisions and so I felt this was another betrayal of trust, withholding information from me when we are both adults, able to make decisions and entitled to know the truth about our financial situation. In case relevant: we both work full time and pay into the mortgage equally.

So please tell me:
AIBU to be so upset with him?
Or was he just trying to be nice & save me a headache and let me enjoy the weekend when "there is nothing we can do about the situation"?

Can you not just roll onto variable or get a bridging loan?

Speak to the broker yourself today and dont rely on your dh or let him be a middleman.

Your dh sounds like a big baby deciding to ignore a time sensitive problem for 4 days min. because he doesnt want his fun impacted.

Good description, this is exactly how my husband react to anything that goes wrong, makes everything 10 times worse.

I must admit that I have kept things from him because I can’t bear the fallout.

Are you saying he found out LAST Friday (26th June), but the family event is THIS coming weekend? So he was going to tell you this Sunday/Monday? How did you find out? Is there an impact to him delaying telling you - I.e is it something you could take action over if you’d known last Friday, but the delay will mean you might not be able to? Can you give some examples of the historic things he has done that have impacted how you feel about this? Also, what is the family event?

If he found out on the Friday and the event was that weekend, I can see his point. A week’s delay though seems odd unless you’d have had a huge over the top reaction to it. Or if this event is massively important (eg you are maid of honour at your sisters wedding) and he didn’t want to ruin it for something that couldn’t be fixed or changed, I think that’s kind of him. If it’s just a get together bbq though, he should have told you.

How did the broker have the wrong info? Some of this situation is on you though - if you don’t trust your husband because of historic dishonesty around financial decisions, why did you let him take the lead on the chats etc with the broker? YOU should have taken the lead and made it clear all correspondence to the joint email or anything urgent is a phone call to you.

Are you buying a new property, or is this remortgaging your current property? If the former I can understand the upset, but talk to the broker and see if he can get the offer end date extended etc. If the latter, simply get the broker to look for deals that start when you need it to start.

I think you’re pissed off at the situation and you want to blame someone - so you’re blaming your DH. Unless it’s actually his fault this has happened, that’s unfair. Why didn’t either of you know when your fixed deal expired? I get maybe mixing up the year, but the month should be the easy part to remember.

Hi again, will try to answer questions. The situation with the broker is what it is - no point getting upset, that won't get us a better deal. We are remortgaging on an existing property and I agree, we should have been more vigilant on double checking the date of the fixed rate period expiry. That's not entirely on our broker, although he did help us facilitate the last deal so I'm a bit surprised at this hiccup.
I'm not even that annoyed with my husband anymore, now that 48 hours have passed it has sort of washed over, but it does make me a bit sad he has developed this reflex of not sharing with me.

Get added to that WhatsApp chat.

This is not true! Rates are going down the broker just needs to key the mortgage application again into the lower rate

I'd speak to the broker myself

Could you port your existing mortgage with additional borrowing if necessary, or ask for an extension of the existing mortgage?

The ERC shouldn’t be too high if it’s within the last year of the fixed term either, although I appreciate it’s still money you don’t want to have to spend!

Sorry just seen it’s a remortgage, so porting won’t apply - could you not just remortgage with the same lender?

Putting his other faults aside, if your husband has developed a reflex of not sharing bad news with you, and wanted to tell you after the weekend so as not to spoil the event you were going to, then has this come about from previous experience of how you react to bad news?

My DH is gets over-dramatic about bad news and will immediately go into "woe is me" and "we are all doomed" mode so I pick my times if I have to tell him something he won't like.

But I have conversations with him about this and tell him that his initial reactions make things worse and are not helpful to either the situation or me personally. He does now try to keep his immediate panic reactions to himself.

I wonder if you are doing something similar which is why he didn't tell you immediately.

About 500 years ago a wise man wrote an essay including this: “Men behave as they are accustomed”

Sounds dodgy, I'd look into it myself- if he doesn't want the mortgage he might have sabotaged it.

Let current deal expire, pay 2 months at std variable rate ( most likely ) and remortgage oct

but you should have full transparency and full discussions /say in what mortgage and situation