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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I a crap partner?

58 replies

lostifimhonest · 30/06/2026 14:39

Been with partner 4 years. We have an 18 month old.
I have 3 older kids from previous relationship they see their dad were friends all is good.

current partner still has his own property as not sold or rented it out yet thank god now!

I like to think myself as a confident, friendly, warm person. I enjoy being a mum very much. I enjoy being a good friend I enjoy seeing my family happy. Etc. but recently I’ve felt my spark just die if I’m honest.

my partner has some good quality’s. He’s hard working. He does help round the house (I don’t ask him to) he’s a fairly good dad to our son on a whole he’s clean, presentable etc.

however.. he is incredibly Jelous our 1 year old is a total mummies boy. He loves his dad but always chooses ne first. I don’t play into this or anything. He says look at him he’s fucking obsessed with you. You’re raising a bitch. He’s not gonna be a man.
I explain he’s a child he doesn’t need raising as a man yet, just a loving happy child for now.

he moans if our boy is unsettled at night it wants to get in our bed for a cuddle. He storms off downstairs onto the sofa then moans the whole next day he hadn’t slept.

I never ask him for help in the night I always see to baby.

if he’s upset or in a mood with me he calls me fat and tells me I’m shit in bed.
(I’m 11 stone) size 12 for reference.
And tells me he doesn’t need to be with me and I’m not a loss to him what so ever. I feel so low. This is just a few of the horrid things he says to me.

he goes to bed at 9.30 and flips almost if a pin drops (he’s an awful sleeper) sick of living on egg shells.

He tells me he looked and felt better before us and was richer. Just hate myself

OP posts:
Namechangetheyarewatching · 30/06/2026 14:44

The only unreasonable thing you are doing is staying with this disgusting person.

CoffeeBooksRats · 30/06/2026 14:45

You deserve better than this, and I think deep down you probably know that. I think he need to go!!

InveterateWineDrinker · 30/06/2026 14:47

There is definitely a crap partner in this scenario!

TheJoyousHiker · 30/06/2026 14:48

Time to show him the door.

Givemeausernamepls · 30/06/2026 14:49

He is a crap partner. He sounds beyond redemption - if you get rid your spark will come back (promise)!

MajorSamanthaCarter · 30/06/2026 14:49

One of you is a crap partner and it isn't you.

MaPoitrine · 30/06/2026 14:50

The single most alarming part of this is that you are even asking. Don't let this go on any longer.

BiddlyBipBipBeeBop · 30/06/2026 14:53

He is a horrible horrible excuse for a man. Do your lovely little boy a massive favour and get rid of him. He really doesn’t need to grow up with that toxic twat as his role model.

BognorRegenia · 30/06/2026 14:53

You and your baby deserve so much better. Why are you tolerating this? What would you advise a sister, friend, or daughter with a partner like that?

DaisyChain505 · 30/06/2026 14:54

You’ve said he helps around the house and you don’t ask him to like this is a wonderful trait of his. It’s his home too so he’s not helping you with anything. He’s contributing (as he should) to the up keep of where he lives.

You’ve said he’s a fairly good dad as if it’s a compliment. It is not a compliment or a positive.

You’ve also said he’s clean and presentable as if this is something you should be thankful for. It’s literally the bare minimum standards for a grown adult to be clean and presentable, this isn’t something you should be counting your lucky stars for.

He speaks to you like shit and is a crap parent. Raise your bar and want more for you and your children.

ThisChirpyLemonUser · 30/06/2026 14:54

dump the prat

Marwoodsbigbreak · 30/06/2026 14:57

Dump him, he’s a tosser

youandmeandadognamedboo · 30/06/2026 15:00

What are his good qualities?

LittlestBoho · 30/06/2026 15:04

He is disgusting with the way he speaks to you and about your baby. He's calling your baby a bitch for wanting cuddles! He is sick.

Please dump this toxic arsehole.

AzureLurker · 30/06/2026 15:07

BiddlyBipBipBeeBop · 30/06/2026 14:53

He is a horrible horrible excuse for a man. Do your lovely little boy a massive favour and get rid of him. He really doesn’t need to grow up with that toxic twat as his role model.

This and all of the above!

BertieBotts · 30/06/2026 15:11

My lovely, why on EARTH do you have such low self esteem that you are wondering if you are good enough for HIM??

You are worth ten of him. He is the one who should be asking himself the question. Your list of "good qualities" of him are just basic expectations of any person in a relationship and his bad parts are genuinely upsetting to read about them happening to a stranger (you).

Was your ex even worse than this specimen? How are you accepting this as normal?

Skybluepinky · 30/06/2026 15:14

He doesn’t like you, accept that and kick him out and get on with your life.

DirtyGertiefromno30 · 30/06/2026 15:15

Get rid asap

Lottie6712 · 30/06/2026 15:16

Namechangetheyarewatching · 30/06/2026 14:44

The only unreasonable thing you are doing is staying with this disgusting person.

First post nails it!

happywifeandlife · 30/06/2026 15:19

Until MN I was unaware there were so many awful partners in the world. Just despicable that people can treat others so horribly. @lostifimhonest he has a place to go, send him packing today. Tell him you’ve had quite enough of his sh*t and he’s ruining your life.

parachutegirl · 30/06/2026 15:20

No, he is a crap partner. Get rid.

paleyellowbrick · 30/06/2026 15:22

He has no good qualities. He is causing huge emotional harm to your son and to you. And what about your older children - do they suffer his abuse too?

GhostsJulianforPrimeMinister · 30/06/2026 15:24

What a horrid man, please leave him.

Blueberrybonanza · 30/06/2026 15:25

Wtf, some of the posts on here beggar belief. Your baby is 1, (a baby) imagine how bad this will be as he grows and does not conform to your partners ‘manly standards’
you and your children deserve so much more, kick him out

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