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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I a crap partner?

58 replies

lostifimhonest · 30/06/2026 14:39

Been with partner 4 years. We have an 18 month old.
I have 3 older kids from previous relationship they see their dad were friends all is good.

current partner still has his own property as not sold or rented it out yet thank god now!

I like to think myself as a confident, friendly, warm person. I enjoy being a mum very much. I enjoy being a good friend I enjoy seeing my family happy. Etc. but recently I’ve felt my spark just die if I’m honest.

my partner has some good quality’s. He’s hard working. He does help round the house (I don’t ask him to) he’s a fairly good dad to our son on a whole he’s clean, presentable etc.

however.. he is incredibly Jelous our 1 year old is a total mummies boy. He loves his dad but always chooses ne first. I don’t play into this or anything. He says look at him he’s fucking obsessed with you. You’re raising a bitch. He’s not gonna be a man.
I explain he’s a child he doesn’t need raising as a man yet, just a loving happy child for now.

he moans if our boy is unsettled at night it wants to get in our bed for a cuddle. He storms off downstairs onto the sofa then moans the whole next day he hadn’t slept.

I never ask him for help in the night I always see to baby.

if he’s upset or in a mood with me he calls me fat and tells me I’m shit in bed.
(I’m 11 stone) size 12 for reference.
And tells me he doesn’t need to be with me and I’m not a loss to him what so ever. I feel so low. This is just a few of the horrid things he says to me.

he goes to bed at 9.30 and flips almost if a pin drops (he’s an awful sleeper) sick of living on egg shells.

He tells me he looked and felt better before us and was richer. Just hate myself

OP posts:
ArabellaWeird · 30/06/2026 15:29

tells me he doesn’t need to be with me and I’m not a loss to him what so ever

Well that should make things much easier when you tell him to move back into his own property.

End it. You don't rent or own together, this should be a pretty simple clean break. Tell him you're setting him free to be happy and look better back under his own roof, tell him you're doing him a favour.

You're children are watching this piece of shit talk to you in this way. It's not going to get any better. It's going to get worse.

Are you scared of asking him to leave?

Crunchymum · 30/06/2026 15:34

You have 3 other children you say? And they are seeing this shit go on?

Word of warning here and yes this is meant to alarm you: If I was their Dad and found out that your new partner behaved this way I'd be seeking full custody of my children. If I was your child I'd be wanting to go and live with my dad.

Get this abusive man out of their house TODAY

MegMortimer · 30/06/2026 15:36

You sound so lovely and full of life, OP. Get rid of the person who is trying to make you less, he really is horrible.

Planting · 30/06/2026 15:43

What an awful disgusting man.
Op get rid of him.

Loulou4022 · 30/06/2026 15:45

He’s waving plenty of those red flags!!

Jackiepumpkinhead · 30/06/2026 15:46

You need to leave this disgusting man. Calling your baby a ‘bitch’! I wouldn’t let him anywhere near my child.

Shuffletoesxtreme · 30/06/2026 15:51

Chuck him out.

PetrolFrogs · 30/06/2026 15:54

Anyone that talks about their child like that is not anything close to a good parent. Absolutely disgusting way to talk about a baby and just shows he’s completely ignorant on child development. Leave before he passes his toxic views onto your children.

ERthree · 30/06/2026 15:55

Get rid.

Bestfootforward11 · 30/06/2026 15:56

lostifimhonest · 30/06/2026 14:39

Been with partner 4 years. We have an 18 month old.
I have 3 older kids from previous relationship they see their dad were friends all is good.

current partner still has his own property as not sold or rented it out yet thank god now!

I like to think myself as a confident, friendly, warm person. I enjoy being a mum very much. I enjoy being a good friend I enjoy seeing my family happy. Etc. but recently I’ve felt my spark just die if I’m honest.

my partner has some good quality’s. He’s hard working. He does help round the house (I don’t ask him to) he’s a fairly good dad to our son on a whole he’s clean, presentable etc.

however.. he is incredibly Jelous our 1 year old is a total mummies boy. He loves his dad but always chooses ne first. I don’t play into this or anything. He says look at him he’s fucking obsessed with you. You’re raising a bitch. He’s not gonna be a man.
I explain he’s a child he doesn’t need raising as a man yet, just a loving happy child for now.

he moans if our boy is unsettled at night it wants to get in our bed for a cuddle. He storms off downstairs onto the sofa then moans the whole next day he hadn’t slept.

I never ask him for help in the night I always see to baby.

if he’s upset or in a mood with me he calls me fat and tells me I’m shit in bed.
(I’m 11 stone) size 12 for reference.
And tells me he doesn’t need to be with me and I’m not a loss to him what so ever. I feel so low. This is just a few of the horrid things he says to me.

he goes to bed at 9.30 and flips almost if a pin drops (he’s an awful sleeper) sick of living on egg shells.

He tells me he looked and felt better before us and was richer. Just hate myself

The only person you should hate is this man. I frankly find him disgusting. What he is saying is not even vaguely reasonable- it is FAR from what I’d expect from any decent human being, let alone someone who is supposed to love you.

He is saying the following about his own young child and the woman he supposedly loves:

He says look at him he’s fucking obsessed with you.You’re raising a bitch

he moans if our boy is unsettled at night it wants to get in our bed for a cuddle. He storms off downstairs onto the sofa then moans the whole next day he hadn’t slept.

if he’s upset or in a mood with me he calls me fat and tells me I’m shit in bed

And tells me he doesn’t need to be with me and I’m not a loss to him what so ever.

he goes to bed at 9.30 and flips almost if a pin drops (he’s an awful sleeper) sick of living on egg shells

He tells me he looked and felt better before us and was richer. Just hate myself

The reason you feel low is because you are living with a self centred and inadequate fool. Get rid, and you will feel lighter. You deserve better.

NONE of the behaviour above is AT ALL acceptable. There is no question of you being a crap partner. He is a VILE partner. Please speak to people in real life and get out of this relationship safely.

Bigtrapeze · 30/06/2026 15:59

OP, you don't need this in your life. Anyone who says you are crap in bed can promptly relocate to a bed of their own. He sounds like an extra child. The comments about your son are unsettling, aren't they? I've never heard anything like that personally.

So sorry you have had to listen to horrible put downs. Might life be better with him permanently out of your earshot, OP?

nomas · 30/06/2026 16:00

It’s clear you love your son a lot. For both your sakes, send this man back to his home. Don’t wait for him to get his house ready, just pack his things and get him out.

It was so sad reading how you wouldn’t even ask
him to do housework or childcare or night wakings. He should have been doing those things.

MajorProcrastination · 30/06/2026 16:00

At the start of your post I thought oh maybe this is linked with some post natal depression but then you said more about this guy and ewww. Honestly, eww. He doesn't deserve you.

All babies deserve to be loved and if a baby can't be obsessed with their mum without a pathetic man commenting on it negatively I dread to think of all the other hideous comments he'll spew through this child's life.

Cut your losses now and kick him out. I'm glad that you've got a positive relationship with the father of your older children but I think this guy could be a more challenging co-parent unfortunately.

Helping around the house and being an OKish dad sometimes is not enough to weigh up being mean and hurtful towards you when he should be supporting and loving you. What a gross person he sounds.

BauhausOfEliott · 30/06/2026 16:03

This man is an awful, abusive piece of shit and a terrible father who is already showing signs of being abusive to his baby son. You need to leave his man as soon as you possibly can. He’s absolutely horrible.

Nobody who talks about a one-year-old like that or is angry that a baby needs comfort at night sometimes or is jealous of his own child is ‘a good dad’. He’s an appalling dad.

ConstitutionHill · 30/06/2026 16:07

Why hate yourself? Hate him! He's a cunt. Then take steps to dump him.

BountifulPantry · 30/06/2026 16:08

What a piece of shit. Get rid.

Italiangreyhound · 30/06/2026 16:13

He is a dick. Get rid.

Your baby boy does not need a toxic role model.

JustJugglingCats · 30/06/2026 16:16

Don't hate yourself. You are absolutely fine. Hate him. And get rid.

Flecksofgolden · 30/06/2026 16:23

Understand the bed thing totally as experienced the EXACT same thing.
This will NOT get any better.
You feel awful because he is making you feel awful. You are already walking on eggshells.
Please, please, get rid of him before you don't have the strength to recognise what is happening to you or recognise yourself. He will take every ounce of confidence from you. Sadly speaking from real life experience.

SwatTheTwit · 30/06/2026 16:29

YABU in even considering you’re the issue here.

Happyjoe · 30/06/2026 16:29

He's slowly ebbing away your self-esteem. You know you're not a crap partner and you're a great mum. Get him out before you've no confidence left.

whippersnapper55 · 30/06/2026 16:57

You're not a crap partner and he's an arsehole. Don't ever accept anyone talking to you like that, especially not your partner! Get him out of your home and your life, you deserve SO much better.

maxslice · 30/06/2026 16:59

He’s the crap partner.

Sassylovesbooks · 30/06/2026 17:00

Your partner is a man-child. He doesn't like the fact that your son is taking away attention from him. Presumably your older children spend time with their Dad, so he's been used to having you to himself and having your attention. Your son is with you 24/7, and with him being young, he wants his Mummy. That's perfectly normal for an 18 month old.

Your partner is jealous and resentful of the bond your son has with you, and the time you spend with him.

Your partner is a twat. He's nasty to you, because you are putting the needs of a baby before him. You aren't a crap partner at all. Your partner is awful, and should be ashamed of his behaviour.

Ask him to move out. I assume he's living in your home? He has his own home, so tell him that you no longer want to be in a relationship with a man who's nasty, jealous and resentful towards his own child.

Duvetdayneeded · 30/06/2026 17:01

Kick him out whilst he has somewhere to go. He’s appalling. Not normal behaviour. Your poor family.