Am I a terrible mum?

[OldMaidenTypeofShoes]

I've just had a horrible experience in a local park where I was walking with my 6 week old in the pram and 2 year old DS on a bike and want to know AIBU in these circumstances.

Got to the end of a so far lovely walk and treated DS to an ice cream, when we set off after eating it (5 mins from car) he decided he was tired and didn't want to use his bike anymore.

I was carrying my toddler and his bike in one hand and pushing pram in the other by a busy road at which point toddler started having a tantrum for another ice cream.

He started pulling my hair, I asked several times for him to stop and a passersby kindly offered to hold my pram while I wrestled DS off me.

He started doing it again, v painfully at which point I admittedly snapped and shouted at him to stop and get to the car.

This obviously didn't work so I grabbed him into a position I could carry him safely without him being able to grab my hair or run into the road. He was screaming at this point.

2 dog walkers who'd been coming the other way saw me struggling and offered to push the pram to the car for me while i manhandled screaming toddler across the road.

At this point I felt I was fighting for my life and trying to not get a kid run over.

A woman who'd been walking behind me then shouted asking what the hell I thought i was doing and how dare I shout at my child.

AIBU to have told her to mind her own business?

My DS is normally well behaved so I'm new to navigating tantrums.

been there. She definitely needed to mind her own business. It’s a phase and he’ll get past it too.

We’ve all been there. You’re not a bad mum at all.
A bad mum wouldn’t care enough to ask herself the question.

“A woman who'd been walking behind me then shouted asking what the hell I thought i was doing and how dare I shout at my child.”

She’s probably the sort who would have had a gi at you for being a rubbish parent if you hadn’t said anything! How dare she interfere when she didn’t know the full situation? I remember many years ago one of mine having a tantrum by the freezer cabinets in a supermarket - the comments from passers-by were both unhelpful and unwanted. Just ignore, OP - every child will have a “moment” and you were doing your best to keep yours safe. I might consider a set of reins for the next outing!

You did the right thing, we've all had to rugby ball carry a kid to a car.
Don't worry

Unless you dropped him in the road mid-tantrum and begged passing motorists to drive over him, I reckon you're doing well...

She’s lucky she didn’t get more than “mind your own business”, I’d have hit the roof, an already very stressful and potentially dangerous situation and this is what she thinks is her best contribution?! Btw well done on navigating this situation, I’ve been out alone with my baby and two year old many times and even at the best of times it’s still never easy, so I think you did really well to remain composed and calm for what sounds like the vast majority of the time that this was going on. So I vote you are definitely NOT being unreasonable!

Should of told her to mind her own business and fuck off

Any good person would have offered to help you as the other people did. That woman is a dick.

Have a cuppa and forget about her. It's not easy wrestling a tantruming toddler!

I’d have told the woman to mind her own business too but I’d have probably added an expletive into the mix.

"AIBU to have told her to mind her own business?"

I mean, I would've told her to "fuck off" personally, but yeah, "mind your own business" is good too.
Sounds like you were doing a great job OP in managing both kids out and about. Don't let this bother you.

Been there OP! The passerby can go fuck themselves !

That sounds like a very stressful situation! You definitely did the right thing!!!

Yep terrible mum how dare you parent your child and stop them getting hit by a car.

I was literally on the beach on holiday in Greece last summer and my daughter was stropping , she’s 10 , and i shouted ‘ for the love of god will you just bloody stop ‘ and I mean shouted , certainly not one of my finer moments 🤦🏼‍♀️ ,
but behind me from a sunbed pipes up this Scottish lady,
‘Ay we’ve all been there hen, i promise it does get better ‘ , and I actually bit my lip to stop myself crying .
I shouldn’t have sworn or shouted at her , but it was my last nerve and she was twanging it 🤬.
But it stayed with me as we have all been there with our children and if you haven’t well you’re one of the very very lucky few .
You did nothing wrong x

OP, you are not being unreasonable. I've been there too and it's the worst feeling but you are doing a great job and please don't forget that

Try to think about the people who stepped in to offer you some help. They saw the situation for what it was: a stressed out woman who could use an extra pair of hands. Your son will be ok with an occasional bit of shouting, it’s not like that is the basis of your relationship.

I’d have told her to mind her own business with many swear words. You’re not a bad mum at all ❤️ we’ve all been there. I remember when ds was a baby and dd was 3. She was sick all over me on the bus and I was trying to clean it up and we were all crying and this old lady told me to get a fucking grip. I told her to fuck off and die. In front of my 3 yo. 🤷🏻‍♀️ she doesn’t remember it and we’re all fine! So just be kind to yourself.

Compare her to all the others who kindly helped you. She’s clearly in the minority!

Try to focus on all the people that stopped to help you rather than the one negative person.

Sounds like you are still navigating being a partner to 2 children.

Thank you for all the replies, I cried all the way home thinking I need to report myself to social services but turns out I'm just a normal mum 😆

And I've been inspired to be more expletive laden in my response to people shouting at me in the future!

I texted my husband a photo of the 3 of us loving life saying "aceing this parenting thing" 30 seconds before it all kicked off which I won't make the mistake of doing again.

Really it’ll do your 2 year old no harm at all to be told very clearly to pack it in and get in the car. We’re so scared of scarring our kids for life that we think everything needs to be a negotiation. I think you did really well to keep your patience for so long.

I remember a mum trying to wrestle her toddler out of one of those car rides in the supermarket with a small baby strapped in the shopping trolley - the toddler was having none of it. I offered to watch the baby while she hauled the toddler out of the ride. Some smart arse made a comment along the lines of “gentle hands work so much better” - it was me who told her to fuck off, at which point stressed mum burst out laughing. Sometimes people just need to be told.

Ignore her.

I had a situation a few weeks ago, first day out with newborn and toddler, 9 days post emergency C-section so still very sore. In the park DH realised he needed the shop so asked toddler to sit nice beside me and wait. Immediately toddler gets up and runs away, I had to leave bags at the seat and chase after toddler with the pram not very fast. I was shouting at him to get back wouldn't listen, shouted louder than I ever normally would as was scared I couldn't see where he was going. Had a couple of comments about this.

Also in the same park while I was heavily pregnant he threw a tantrum when I told him to stay on the path and threw himself into essentially a pool of mud he wouldn't get up and I with great difficulty had to haul him up and again shouted as he was struggling so much got tutted at by a dog walker

Felt like an awful mum on both occasions

I’m willing to bet that the passer by has never parented a toddler because every single person who has parented a toddler would have been eyeing you with sympathy and recalling their own mortifying moments…because we’ve all been there.
Chin up op, believe it or not this will be a funny story one day!