Am I a terrible mum?

[OldMaidenTypeofShoes]

I've just had a horrible experience in a local park where I was walking with my 6 week old in the pram and 2 year old DS on a bike and want to know AIBU in these circumstances.

Got to the end of a so far lovely walk and treated DS to an ice cream, when we set off after eating it (5 mins from car) he decided he was tired and didn't want to use his bike anymore.

I was carrying my toddler and his bike in one hand and pushing pram in the other by a busy road at which point toddler started having a tantrum for another ice cream.

He started pulling my hair, I asked several times for him to stop and a passersby kindly offered to hold my pram while I wrestled DS off me.

He started doing it again, v painfully at which point I admittedly snapped and shouted at him to stop and get to the car.

This obviously didn't work so I grabbed him into a position I could carry him safely without him being able to grab my hair or run into the road. He was screaming at this point.

2 dog walkers who'd been coming the other way saw me struggling and offered to push the pram to the car for me while i manhandled screaming toddler across the road.

At this point I felt I was fighting for my life and trying to not get a kid run over.

A woman who'd been walking behind me then shouted asking what the hell I thought i was doing and how dare I shout at my child.

AIBU to have told her to mind her own business?

My DS is normally well behaved so I'm new to navigating tantrums.

I used my knee to get my daughter into her buggy in the Disney Store. Not my finest moment but hey ho. She’s 23 now and still talking to me 🤷‍♀️🤣

A snapshot in your day. No-one can tell if you’re a good mum or a bad one. Lots of people shout in frustration. Let it go.

This is what I was going to say! For one horrid person, there are many more lovely ones 💗 Don’t beat yourself - you handled it all perfectly!

YANBU. Even if it wasn't for the traffic danger, it's perfectly ok to make it clear to a child that hair-pulling, hitting etc is not acceptable. It isn't child abuse to raise your voice now and then to a child who wouldn't listen the first few times. You're fine.

She deserves to be given a toddler for a day for each time she critices how another adult handles theirs

I’ve had a 2 year old and a new baby. I’ve done exactly the same thing. Of course it’s not ideal to shout but nobody is a perfect parent. It’s extremely stressful when a toddler is kicking off in public and you have to keep them and a baby safe, especially when you haven’t had two children for long and maybe aren’t used to it yet. The woman does need to mind her own business, take no notice of her.

I’m glad three other people were kind to you!

You have managed to successfully summarise both why I hate parenting two children and why I hate parenting toddlers

No, you’re not a terrible mother.

We’ve all been there. You are not a bad mum. And that was kind of the dog walkers to help.

the woman behind - arsehole.

Try to forget about her or have a gin and tonic

A few months ago my autistic son had a huge meltdown in a play centre. I admittedly and regrettably shouted in the moment then we swiftly left. The other parents were giving me daggers. 30 minutes later the police were knocking at my door! I couldn't and still can't believe it but the 21 year old girl who'd just opened this business had called 999. Absolute madness. The police found a happy, loved and safe child so nothing came of it.

Please try to ignore her, she's no idea what you are dealing with. You were worried for your children's safety near a road and it's natural instinct to raise you voice in danger. You're a wonderful mum.

I remember a guy telling me as i told off my older child having a meltdown on the road side
Hos comment that the child will grow up to hate me!
...i said better that than a run over child and was he with watch the last hour of tantrums..No.
Ignore...dont listen...or take it on.

As others have said, we’ve all been there. I had some really dark moments when DD was a newborn and my 3 year old DS decided to press every button known to man. Not out in public admittedly, but we had quite a few bath times that ended in all three of us shouting and crying. I remember one day when it actually went ok for once and DS turned to me and said with surprise ‘you didn’t cry tonight mama’!

It got better, and 18 months down the road I don’t think he remembers.

@Laushe since becoming a mum I think parents of SEND children are superheroes - I'm fairly unruffle-able person usually but am finding it incredibly difficult to keep calm with a tiny person who knows how to push your buttons so well 🥴

@OneKookyPinkShaker in the nicest way it's great to hear I'm not the only one losing my shit in public 😆 i absolutely hated being pregnant with a toddler as thought that was exhausting but this stage is even worse. Hope you're fully recovered now.

@Becuriousnotjudgemental1980 that's a very funny story now but bet it wasn't at the time - what a bitch!!

@bugalugs45 please don't tell me hell still be doing this at 10 years old?! 😆

You were far more polite than I would have been!

We’ve all wrestled a toddler back to the car at some point
that woman probs doesn’t have any kids !

Should have asked if she’d like to wrangle with him and let him pull her hair for a bit to see how long it took before she shouted. Absolute idiot and almost definitely not a parent.

Jeez, what a nosey parker. Hope you told her to do one. You're fine, OP. Got to do what you got to do. Don't give it a minute's thought..

Just think about the lovely people who helped you, not the interfering CF. She probably never controls her child's behaviour, and they're probably one of the awful ones at school.
There are parents who think their child should never be told no, and should just be allowed to terrorise anyone. Sensible parents know their child needs to not hurt others-and he's only little, so you can't reason yet!
The dog walkers who sound so kind will understand-they probably keep their dogs under control and train them-and understand sometimes toddlers have less reasoning than dogs! I'm sure they didn't judge you.

I'm not generally a shouty parent, and I feel awful when it does happen- but I am pretty certain the situation you describe is a time that it would!