AIBU to raise concerns about screaming from the neighbouring nursing home?

[Itsaboutbeingawkward]

We live directly behind a Nursing Home. Around 14 years ago they built an extension which added a number of rooms with windows around 1m from our front garden fence and we can see directly into the rooms, if we were looking. There hasn’t been many issues over the years but over the last few months there is a resident in one of the rooms who screams for hours and hours on end. Her window is always open and my young children frequently ask what is wrong and why is she screaming.

The last week the screaming has woken both us and our two year old, between 5:30 and 6am. We are in our beds in a house set a good distance back, and it is so loud that it is waking us.

firstly, i am concerned for the wee lady. Secondly, i am concerned for my wee kids who are having to listen to someone screaming for hours on end. I haven’t contacted anyone about it because I understand it is probably dementia, but would I be unreasonable to contact the nursing home to ask are they aware the level of noise is waking neighbours?

i don’t want to come across as insensitive but it really is a horrible thing to listen to and with the hot weather and our windows being open, I feel like being woken up by screaming isn’t okay.

YABU: it is life, get over it
YANBU: give them a message to voice concerns

I used to work in a care home and the screaming is sadly very common. One lady used to scream OK OK OK over and over, after a 12 hour shift I could still hear it driving home.... it was horrendous. Her poor family couldn't last more than 20 minutes with her. But her windows had little notes on asking for them not to be opened before 9am and after 7pm as local residents were distressed hearing her.

I would go in one day, ask to speak to the Manager and ask about the window as it's distressing your children.

when my late fil was in a nursing home, his dementia meant he slept all day and was awake all night. He often used to scream for hours on end at night meaning they often had to move him to different rooms as he sometimes upset the other residents.
one night we got a phone call to say a neighbour to the home had called the Police due to this screaming. When they arrived they were told what and who it was but the Police needed to see my fil for themselves. it was upsetting for fil to see the Police though he did not understand what they were there for.
if i was you i would go and talk to the home maybe the patient can be moved to another part of the building

I wonder if she was in the same care home as one of my relatives because there was a lady there who did the same and it was unbearable for any length of time.

Those who care for severe dementia patients long term are saints, I couldn't cope.

What is "oversedating" in this context? What would she be missing out on? Is she having meaningful experience that being comfortable would deprive her of? It really doesn't sound like it

Over sedating leads to extreme drowsiness so someone is unable to function, eat, drink, open their eyes.

Nah, we can't have proper care when the owners need their huge profits, can we?

Meanwhile they are left in a distressed state 😓

There are safe drugs that can calm and relax someone down without making them unrousable and virtually unconscious

Wait until you learn they're often left in pain as well.

Thank you for all of your replies. I sent an email early this morning to the manager as I have spoken to her previously about a problem on their roof after a storm and I was able to share pictures of it for them to have it fixed. She apologised and said they were “talking with other professionals about the issue” and she will update me and just apologised again.

I completely understand there probably isn’t anything that can be done, I just honestly feel bad for her but also starting to feel bad for ourselves hearing this for hours on end every day!

Poor wee woman.

So distressing to hear

sadly common
thats why i donate money for a cure to this cunt of a disease

100% agree. My dad has dementia and it’s horrific, a lot of people seem to think that you just forget everything and get a bit doddery but that’s not it at all . I wish it was as simple as him just not remembering things.

@Weeellokthen That’s really not fair. I’m not against care home owners making money. They provide a service the state doesn’t. They do a lot of the hard yards the NHS doesn’t. If everyone cares for their own family there would not be care homes. If we all died before we got very old or got dementia we would need far fewer homes. But - we need them and maybe be pleased people actually want to open one. If you think it’s that easy, you open one! Then you might understand more about investing, risk and business.

Do you have any idea how expensive a nursing home is to run? They really don’t make the huge profits you might imagine they do. The amount the council pays for beds means the home lose money on those residents and yet they will still receive the same care. Surprisingly it’s not a for profit industry on the whole.

people who have never worked in the sector seem to think high fees = huge profits. Nope, just horribly expensive running costs.

I have been fighting a similar battle for 6 years.
I bought my house long before the care home was built, and was reassured it was ‘state of the art’ and there should be no noise.
Well there has been one poor resident left to scream for help every 40-60 seconds, most of the day and into the night for 3 years, I recognise her scream, she is loud & her voice gets so distressed I could cry.
She is often joined by around 4 other residents also shouting for help.
My garden is unusable, and it will be difficult to sell.
The saddest part is when I ring the head office, they settle the resident down for a while, which says to me she is being ignored unless a neighbour complains, how undignified.
The care home has accused me of not understanding dementia, unfortunately I’ve lost almost all the older generations of my family to it, so that is untrue.
I’ve no advice other than to not feel bad if you need to push the issue, things may improve for the resident & your family.

Oh this reminds me of a 94 year old lady, Becky, at the first care home I worked in; she was wheelchair bound but afaik no dementia diagnosis (doesn’t mean she wasn’t cognitively impaired in some way though).. so every night she would literally scream at the top of her lungs ‘help me, help me!’ The man who lived in a bungalow behind the home was constantly complaining.
Well, I washed & dressed Becky on a regular basis so one day I asked her, ‘why do you scream for help at night, which just causes upset, when there is really no need to?’
She looked really naughtily at me, laughed & said ‘Because I can!’
I just had to smile at that, & as well as Becky there were definitely some really interesting people in that home!