AIBU to raise concerns about screaming from the neighbouring nursing home?

[Itsaboutbeingawkward]

We live directly behind a Nursing Home. Around 14 years ago they built an extension which added a number of rooms with windows around 1m from our front garden fence and we can see directly into the rooms, if we were looking. There hasn’t been many issues over the years but over the last few months there is a resident in one of the rooms who screams for hours and hours on end. Her window is always open and my young children frequently ask what is wrong and why is she screaming.

The last week the screaming has woken both us and our two year old, between 5:30 and 6am. We are in our beds in a house set a good distance back, and it is so loud that it is waking us.

firstly, i am concerned for the wee lady. Secondly, i am concerned for my wee kids who are having to listen to someone screaming for hours on end. I haven’t contacted anyone about it because I understand it is probably dementia, but would I be unreasonable to contact the nursing home to ask are they aware the level of noise is waking neighbours?

i don’t want to come across as insensitive but it really is a horrible thing to listen to and with the hot weather and our windows being open, I feel like being woken up by screaming isn’t okay.

YABU: it is life, get over it
YANBU: give them a message to voice concerns

I would contact the care home, personally. They may not realise how far the noise carries. It sounds like it's likely a medical issue. I have worked with dementia patients and prolonged screaming isn't uncommon unfortunately.

It’s almost certainly a patient with dementia and this might be the dementia wing. I’d ask to see the manager.

It's awful . You could explain your children are worried and ask the manager if it's possible to move this patient to a room further away from your house. Of course, she will be keeping other patients awake too .

Dementia is awful. Elderly wards in hospitals have the same problems.

It is awful OP, and it’s one thing if it’s occasional but regularly hearing this is distressing. I’d make them aware of the impact it’s having on your family and young child, maybe they will consider a room move at least so that the noises less impactful.

I say you are being unreasonable, but at the same time need to say something.
I worked in Dementia nursing and over the years had residents who screamed a lot! Nothing we could do about it really, some don't even know they are doing it. We did have new neighbours move in and complain a lot. They'd knock and tell us to shut them up etc. When we had a "loud" resident we would try to move them to a room that was away from neighbours if possible. So maybe walk round and speak to the manager and see if there's any way the resident can be moved to a room away from your house as it's upsetting the children when they hear it. Please don't them to 'shut that woman up" That'll get you nowhere.

Same happened a few years ago to us, lady screaming for her dead sister. It did turn out to be dementia as I called around but it's a difficult one to deal with

Yes, I would contact them. You can do so sensitively.

Speak to the Manager and she'll probably be able to change the room.

Hopefully that will help. If it doesn't, keep a diary and record the noise.

Sounds like the poor lady has dementia. I would speak to the manager, they may be able to swap her room or make sure windows etc. are closed to dampen the noise.

Dementia is awful and many people with dementia scream, a lot.

you can tell the home but honestly, I’m sure they’re aware and there’s probably very little they can do about it.

I’ve worked on hospital wards where people will scream and scream and shout “help me” over and over again, when you go to them they smile and ask for a cup of tea. Once they’ve drunk their tea they go back to screaming.

for some people it’s fear, for others it’s behavioural. It’s not fun for anyone involved but unfortunately it’s often part of the condition and you complaining won’t change a thing. Asking to change her room could potentially make them worse as a change of environment often has a serious detrimental effect on people with dementia.

And yet Assisted Dying is the thing touted as inhumane. Who on earth would want to finish their life screaming in a care home for days, weeks, months, potentially years. Just incredibly cruel.

It is awful that we allow people to be tortured like this. Why can't we give them medication? Who would want to be living this this-and I'm sorry it also impacts on you, OP, but it is terrifying to think many of us/the people we love will be in this situation. I was really angry when someone said my relative with dementia wasn't really suffering because she didn't know she was screaming-between bouts, she'd tell us it was like being trapped in a nightmare, in pain and totally aware.
We've moved beyond saying it's ok to do things to newborns without anaesthesia, and are starting to question some gynae things women were supposed to just put up with once, so why are we allowing older people to just suffer like this?
Even if she's not your relative, as a human being, ask if they can do something.

Becsuse it can be a fine balance between keeeping somone calm and oversedating them

I have strong feelings about this issue. I feel that it is accepted that someone with a dementia will scream. I don't feel that is necessarily the case. There can be various interventions which can alleviate a person's distress. One intervention is additional staff, while another can be occupational interventions, or is the person in pain.The very last resort may be medication. Why should anyone be left in distress for most of the time.
I would certainly speak to the Manager to advise how distressed the person sounds. It may well be fear and loneliness if left alone for long periods.

Use of anti psychotic medication or sedation needs to be used with caution in elderly residents, especially those that are a falls risk.

This....

Contact council or CQC

No funding.

While this is true the practicalities of being able to give someone enough one to one input to solve the screaming issues in a busy care home environment just make it impossible in many cases. Also some people will scream consistently during personal care, when rolled etc because their proprioception isn’t as it should be and they are genuinely scared they’re falling. You can lesson this with reassurance, taking things slowly, using items that comfort etc but often you can’t stop it completely.

it’s really sad, and there are things you can do to reduce distress but I think complaining will only make a stressful situation worse. They will be aware of the screaming but from the OP it sounds like it’s happening in the morning when staff will be busy getting people washed, dressed, changed and fed and probably don’t have lots of capacity to be sitting with one resident at the detriment to many others. Care home are expensive enough to run as it is, everyone complains about the cost and higher staffing levels would only make them more expensive, which people really wouldn’t like.

I've had close family in nursing homes for dementia and yes, the screaming is a thing. However, I'd always want a neighbour to report it as a potential safeguarding concern.

If a patient is being ill treated, or unduly ignored, then its important such reports are made - it helps to flag issues and can form part of a wider picture of neglect or abuse.

The chances are that it is purely the dementia screaming and the care assistants are doing everything they can. But...there's always a "but".

I'd be worried reporting directly to the home would lead to windows being closed in oppressive heat (my family members care home was stifling all year round, even without a heat wave) but they could perhaps be moved to a different room.

Either way, safeguard first. As you would with children.

About what? A poor resident probably with dementia screaming in their home? What do you think the council will do? Or the cqc? Tell them to be quiet, move them to another home away from the public.

Unfortunately the Assisted Dying Bill excludes dementia as those with it aren’t usually capable of making an informed decision.
Dementia is so cruel.

Go round with a nice box of biscuits for the staff room and kindly and gently explain the situation. Ask if it is at all possible for the lady to be moved into another room, perhaps swapped with someone else and that you would be very grateful if so. Then if they do move her, maybe take the lady a bunch of flowers for her new room.
Just be aware that it might not be possible due to medical issues, funding, or the possibility that it might distress her too much.

Just book an appointment with the homes manager and ask if the resident can be moved to a room further away as it is distressing for your children . That is not unreasonable.