to expect people not to give me doom and gloom when I say I'm pregnant?

[babyignoramus]

Sorry, just need to vent...

Ok, so I am in my 6th week of pregnancy with 1st. I am not stupid and I realise that it's still very, very early days. It's still a vulnerable stage, BUT I'm not a secretive person and I prefer people to be aware of what's going on with me. So, I decided to tell my workmates today - mainly to avoid awkward questions/speculation and avoid making excuses every time I refuse to pick up a really heavy file etc etc.

Anyway, they were all really pleased, but one person said to me "why are you telling people now? You should wait until 12 weeks, miscarriages can happen to anyone you know." To which I (trying to lighten the mood) said, "yes I know but I've got no will power!". She then said something like , "No, I'm serious, it's really common and it's silly to tell people."

Well, thanks a lot! Of course I know that, and I know most people wait until later but it's MY choice to tell people now. I'm not superstitious about this kind of thing and telling people isn't going to have any effect on what may or may not happen. So I'm different from most people, deal with it!

I kind of laughed it off at the time but the more I think about it the more annoyed I am - fancy saying such an awful negative thing! GRRR!

Yes it is early days, but IT IS FANTASTIC NEWS. Good for you.

What an insensitive colleague..maybe she or someone close to her has had a bad experience in the past.

Agree, it's an innapropriate and insensitive thing to say.

People do tend to think they can say pretty much anything to pregnant women for some reason.

Not telling people isn't going to not make you have a miscarriage IYSWIM.

I have told people straight away, 4 pregnancies, one mc.

Totally crass thing to say to someone announcing a pregnancy IMHO whats wrong with congratulations? OK so 1 in 5 pregnancies end in mc which is a lot BUT 4 in 5 don't.

Congratulations btw.

YANBU - no-one says when you've just given birth "ooh, aren't you worried about cot death?". That said, I found it easier this time when I miscarried that no-one had known I was pregnant, but that's largely because I was 20 weeks when I lost dd1, so everyone at work knew I was pregnant - I mean, people I'd pass on corridors and didn't know - that was hard. Good luck - I do hope everything goes well for you.

Congratulations babyignoramus.

I'm like you. With every pregnancy I was on the phone within seconds of having got the blue line. I told people I vaguely knew in the streets as well.

I had two miscarriages and four healthy pregnancies. It was tough telling people about the ones I'd lost, but I still couldn't have done it any other way. I simply CAN'T keep stuff to myself. I'm an open book.

Congratulations on your fantastic news. I had a school Mum friend tell me that she was pregnant the day after she found out. I was surprised she was so open but her take was, what will be will be and if anything bad happens she will need people to be supportive so why not tell them. A great attitude and makes a lot of sense. And you are completely right, telling people will not 'tempt fate'! Enjoy your pregnancy.

at whoever said that - its a personal thing and I think its lovely if you are so excited that you want to share your news earlier.

I've had 2 m/c and lost one later on like habibu - for me it was worse that people knew with last one but I kind of wished I had told a few people with earlier m/c as would have made it easier. It makes no difference if you've told or not about whether they happen.

and congratulations by the way

Maybe the woman was jealous?

My mum always manages to come up with something negative to say.

eg: Me: 'We've just had the most wonderful walk in the woods mum.'
Mum: 'Eurch! You have to be very careful. There's dog poo in those woods.'

then there was ... DD: 'Granny, I went to see a pantomime and it was brilliant'.
Granny: 'Well at your age you don't really like proper theatre yet'.

Don't let it get to you.

I feel the exact opposite to that cow. I told everyone I was pg at 4wks. At 5wks I lost the baby and thank GOD everyone knew so I didn't have to explain why I ran into the office hysterical one afternoon after going to the loo. They just sent me straight home. I'd never have coped with the mc without the support of those who knew. Chances are, if you were unlucky enough to mc you'd have to tell everyone anyway in order to explain your grief, so why not tell people when it's happy news?

Having lost a baby at 23 weeks, things can go wrong at any stage. You could wait til you were 12 weeks and something could go wrong at 14 weeks. My point being, enjoy today because you cannot predict tomorrow!

With my other babies, I told people pretty much straight away because if something did go wrong then they would know anyway. When I was working I told my colleagues and I told my friends.

If you did have a miscarriage you need support and udnerstanding not a dirty secret to hide.

The point of me saying that bit, is tell your colleague to piss off, silly bint!

Oh, and CONGRATULATIONS!

Work people can be weird. My boss spent my whole pregnancy telling me dreadful horror stories about things that can happen/had happened to people she knew etc. Great!

Chin up and ignore the miserable gloom-mongerer!

Spidermama! we share the same mother.

to the OP - yes, it's negative. Maybe she had some similar problems herself that came into her head, but she should have realised that it was an inappropriate thing to say. Hope it doesn't spoil your baby joy and congratulations.

Congratulaions!!!

I told everyone basically whenI took the test because I couldnt keep my mouth shut
I was 5 weeks when I found out.

Thanks all - should point out that's she's normally lovely!

I cheered up a bit when my other colleague came back from a meeting - someone asked me if I'd told him my news, I did and he said 'so when did you find out?' I told him a week ago and he said 'and it's taken you THIS long to tell us?! It's so exciting!'

saggyhairyarse (great name but conjures up some scary images!), I know what you mean - if, God forbid, something did happen I'd rather everyone knew - why should I hide something happy just in case it all goes wrong? I wouldn't hide the fact I'd bought a house in case it fell down!

i have been at both end of the spectrum and it makes no difference whether you tell everyone or not!
i have had 3 MCs and 1 healthy pregnancy. with MC#1 i told the world and his wife and at 14 weeks lost the baby, with my preg with DD i told a few close people until after my scan and all was well. MC#2 told noone and lost the baby at 5 weeks, MC#3 told a few close people and lost the baby at 5 weeks so it makes abasolutely no difference whatsoever as what will be will be as someone else said.
a huge CONGRATULATIONS to you and dont let other people negative attitude dampen your lovely news
xx ei xx

babyignoramus that is so insensitive and would have hurt my feelings too.

Some people have said to me it's better to tell people whatever happens so they can be supportive of whatever you're going through. I've always been secretive about my pgs and wish I could have been more open! It might have been less stressful for me!

But congratulations - what fantastic news!

What a shame, but congratulations to you.

Perhaps she feels a bit put-out by it for personal reasons, could she be ttc or something?

congrats

i told people quite soon too. i got a few odd comments, like my brother said 'well i'm not going to congratulate you, it's too early' but there you go.

What a silly mare (your colleague, not you). I told all at around 7-8 weeks, reasoning that a mc would be traumatic and I didn't think having to tell people that I had been pregnant in order to explain that I had mc'd would lessen the trauma. Also, in my case, I'd been having a succession of fertility treatments (6xIUI, 2xIVF) in secret so I'd had enough of that.

Good on you and congrats.

I always tell people early. It's fantastic news and deserves to be celebrated. And if something does happen, all your friends will know and will be on hand for support.

So, CONGRATULATIONS!

I'm about 6/7 wks myself and have told everyone.

Congratulations!!!!

I hated it when people reacted like that. Someone kept saying to me (throughout the 7 weeks between me telling them and the scan):

'Well, I won't be excited for you just yet; we never know what you'll find out at the scan'

Congratulations. It is your business when and who you tell. I did not want to tell anyone until I was 14 weeks with both of mine but that is my choice not anyone elses. Pay no attention maybe they have personal reasons for saying that but it is your choice not theirs they do not have to discuss it with you if they do not want to.

Enjoy your pregnancy.

I had 3 mcs before DS - and its a lot harder telling people that you've been off work/are upset because you've had a mc, than if you have told them. Worst thing I had to do was to call people and tell them that I'd lost another baby that they hadn't ever thought about lovingly.