Prospects after special school

[okroger]

Sorry if I phase anything here wrong. I’m very new to any additional needs/SEN language.

My DS 3.5 will start school in Sept 2027. We’re awaiting an assessment but it’s looking likely he’ll be diagnosed as autistic. His issues are a speech delay and poor understanding. He can talk but not typically, doesn’t hold conversations for example.

It’s been suggested by his nursery that he may require a special school unless a lot of progression happens in the next year. Although I predicted this it feels a bit of a shock. Of course if this is the best route for him it will be the right choice.

I guess I’m worried about the prospects after special school. I’m sorry if this question offends anyone but what happens after usually. Can people get jobs, have careers, relationships etc. I know it’s a huge spectrum so maybe it’s a silly question and how long is a piece of string but I suppose I’m looking for some reassurance.

He’s classed as globally delayed (in speech and communication). He’s having independent speech therapy and is showing signs of progression so that’s positive.

I have a feeling he’s going to fall in the middle, his needs might not be met by mainstream but not server enough for special education.

Thanks x

Sorry just realised this maybe isn’t the right topic

Both of mine went to Sen schools . Both in early twenties - 1 doing their dream job living at home but raking in the money and loving life. The other has a council flat they pay for fully with no benefits as working hard locally on the high street.

without specialist education both would have struggled. It gave them skills to learn and be the people they are. Both tried mainstream but couldn’t meet their needs. Neither did uni but both did mainstream college with support.

so proud of both my kids.

compared to many 20 year olds who after uni are searching for jobs and really struggling with life I feel mine are doing really well .

not bad for the kids who we were told would never read or never be independent.

There is an SEN topic, which is full of very knowledgeable and supportive posters, so you might be better off there.

It is hard to come to terms with the fact that you're child needs more support, but if special school is what they need, then that's what they need. My DD wasn't diagnosed autistic until secondary school, at which point she had been struggling and unhappy for a long time. For the last year she's been in specialist provision and it has been so much better for her.

Also special schools are not only for low achieving children.

some special schools cater for high achievers that need specialist learning to enable them to succeed such as kids with dyslexia and asd who may be super bright but learn differently.

when I was a kid there was a real stigma about special schools as they were seen to be only for kids with severe mental learning disabilities.

nowadays there is such a range of specialist schools that cover the whole range of needs, abilities , sensory profiles .

don’t accept the 1st one the LA offer you - look around at the private providers and see what is on offer. You will be amazed at the range of specialist provision that is out there and many kids that start in special needs schools can and will go on to mainstream or jobs or uni.

even with an EHCplan you will have to fight to get the right provision as the la like to give you the cheapest and prions but your kid deserves to be educated according to their needs so fight to get them a good fit placement .

Try not to worry about so far into the future, not always easy I know.

Children with SEN are all so unique and it’s pretty much impossible to predict how they will function or what their level of capacity will be when they are preschool age. So much can and will change.

My son received his diagnosis age 6 weeks. A lot of what we were told then by doctors hasn’t happened. His needs are on a spectrum (like most syndromes etc) which makes outcomes highly variable.

He is now 16 years old now and most importantly very happy. We’ve just had a great day out together.

I don’t know what the future holds for him but I know I can’t compare him to other children with SEN or try to guess the future. He always surprises me!

Some kids will achieve independence, some will have some measure of independence and some will need care and support for life. At your son's age, it's really impossible to tell, but if he is doing well and progressing with his speech therapy, that is a positive. Try not to look to far into the future, it will only make you unnecessarily anxious. As a fellow mum of a son with additional needs/autism, I have learned to take each stage as it comes. I will say though, get as much support as you can and if it's offered take it. We didn't have a social worker or any respite until my son was 16 and planning was talking place for leaving school and that was a mistake. I thought because we were managing ok at home and he was in school, we didn't need it but actually it made it difficult for him to accept support and intervention from other agencies because it was so unfamiliar to him. It's really best to get support in place while he's still young.

My brother (born in the 90s) is mildly autistic and went to a special school initially, before later transferring to mainstream with the help of a 1-1 teaching assistant. He never excelled academically but he passed his GCSEs and his driving test, got a car and then a job, bought a house and married his long-term partner. He lives a very normal life with an office job, yearly holidays, socialising with friends etc. Most people don’t even realise he has SEN until they really get to know him.

Look around at schools near you that you think might be suitable and visit them if you can. Some specialist schools do cater to academically able students as well. A SRP might suit him as they often attend some mainstream classes and some in their base for additional support. My child is academically capable, but was completely unable to access education in a mainstream setting due to his communication needs. In a specialist school that focuses on communication he can actually learn and spend time working on his speech and understanding that just wasn’t possible in a mainstream class. If you haven’t already then I’d suggest you start an EHCP application as it can take a long time to get support in place.

Totally agree with this first part. It’s the unknown, there are many children that go to sen school and end up having the capacity to sit exams, get their drivers licence, live independently. Just for my experience, my child is nearly 14 and has no independence due to his special needs, he won’t sit GCSEs but have been advised there are access courses and other courses at the nearest college that he is allowed to stay in until he 25 to keep him occupied and hopefully gain some qualifications. Not sure what the future holds, but at the moment I am prepared for lifelong support. There are also children that start sen primary and go mainstream in secondary as they are doing so well in school

I’ll be honest, I think it’s highly unlikely you’ll get a reception place in a special school. You are more likely to get given a mainstream place or a mainstream school with a special hub attached at best. You’ll have no end of battles to get the best for your child! I wish you good luck on your journey!

Thanks everyone. Reassuring to hear positive stories. I find the unknown the worst part. Not knowing whether he’ll just be socially awkward but live a fairly “normal” life to lifelong support.

I’ve got myself worked up about it today. Not sure why today in particular as it hasn’t been any different but I just feel overwhelmed by it all.

I also worry about the impact on his older siblings.

@Liquiddetergent wow that’s brilliant. I can see why you’re so proud of them.

Can I ask what they were like at the same age as my DS (3.5)? I know it’s only anecdotal but it’s reassuring to know it could look positive.

One was barely verbal and had severe behavioural issues at 3.5 - had at least 5 medical / salt / ot appts per week - was honestly tearing my hair out with them.

The other was verbal but serious needs were there.

most professionals were pretty pessimistic about their prognosis and abilities

but both have come on so much - because they got the right therapies meds and right schooling that met their needs and we worked hard as parents to support them and get the things they needed. If you don’t advocate for them (echp etc) no one else will.

mainstream failed them both - Sen schools taught them to succeed.

it’s very hard when they are little and you can’t imagine it getting any better . Even then you see the massive gap between them and their peers.

But they change so much and mature and develop given time and patience . Don’t despair.

It's a bit soon to know yet, OP!

My youngest was in special schools from 8-19. He got 5 GCSEs, after retakes.

Since he left- absolute silence. I've tried everywhere, including for a carer's assessment or to get a social worker for him.

I don't know what the answer is for post school.

My dd didn’t gain full speech until 4.5, she has 2 university degrees … she’s autistic but independent now. She was in special needs nursery but regular school with adaptations as required

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_educational_needs/5484488-ehcp-support-thread-no-6?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

Hi OP, I understand your concerns, but just wondered where you are in the EHCP process? You won't get a special school without an EHCP naming one, and sadly that is a far from straightforward or quick process. So you may be worrying about the wrong thing tbh. It would also be potentially easier later on to move from a special school into a mainstream school than vice versa.

My Ds2 was non verbal til he was 5, and impossible for strangers to understand until he was 9. Autistic, cheerful and gentle (for which I am incredibly grateful) but with delayed development and some physical issues as well.
We were very lucky and after starting mainstream nursery with a 1;1 he was given a place at special school for children with severe learning disabilites.
He was an 'able ' pupil there. He gradually talked, eventually learned to read and write (sort of) , and had friends! No GCSEs.
At 16 he moved (as no 6th form) onto a 'Pathways' special ed course at college for two years and the Mencap helped him do supported work. He thrived.
Then...he got a job at ASDA! Some support at first, part time.
He's now 29 and has been there 10 years, and is without a doubt their most reliable colleague...and the most popular. He is AMAZING at his job (checkout) as he follows the rules, remembers everyone's dates of birth, pets names etc. In our small town everyone knows him, and every time I chat to someone I get 'Oh XXX is your son? He's LOVELY!'
It hasn't always been easy. He will never leave home, or marry, or drive a car, I still have to shave him, cut his nails, he can't travel independently.He has one friend (also disabled), but he has a good life, more savings than I will ever have and he is a much loved member of the community.
I've worked in Special school for 20 years (I've just retired!) and honestly, if it's where your son needs to be, FIGHT for that place. Go to Tribunal if necessary (and it probably will be as there are not enough places anywhere)
Several of his old classmates are also working in some capacity.
When my son was 3 and flapping in a corner, lining up crayons, I could never have imagined he could work. He's not high functioning, he's 'middling' at best...but he is doing ok!

That is lovely that your son is so appreciated @Sonolanona. I bet he often makes a lonely person's day.

Thanks again everyone.
I’m really struggling to see how much things could improve but these posts have really helped and hopefully I’m telling a similar story one day (of course there’s always the chance it won’t be as positive).
Should I start looking to apply for an EHCP at this point or is it too soon?

Definitely start the EHCP process - it takes a long time and can involve going to tribunals etc, so the sooner the better.

If he has a high enough level of need to be offered a place of special school definitely take it - if in future he doesn’t need it, then it’s easy to move to mainstream, but the older he gets the harder it will be to move from mainstream to state.

Look for local support groups, those have been a lifeline for me. They will provide emotional support, reassurance from people with more experience of these issues, and also can signpost you to local services.

At 3.5 my younger son did a taster at a nursery, and they refused to take him because he knocked all the tables over in a meltdown, and could not talk in a way they could understand at all. At 9 he is in mainstream school (with a 1 to 1 TA for support), is fully verbal, social, doing ok academically, and most importantly is happy.

The world of SEN parenting can be very hard and lonely at times - do come to the special needs board (we’re friendly) and do find your local support groups.

Your son is still very young nobody can say at this stage where he will be when he leaves school or whst type of school will fit his needs better my don is just finshing year 11 at his specisl school
Itds a school for children wuth severe and profound learning disabillitues
So its more about teacjing the children life skills
There is another special school in my LA aimd at children with more moderare needs ans whilst there is a wide rsnge of abilty many kids do sit exams eyc.
Try not to think to far into the future

I have two children in special school with autism.

Oldest is likely to do fine - he’s academically very able and social.

My youngest I think is unlikely to ever live independently. He’s a joyful and lovely little bag-full if baddie, but I won’t deny I’m haunted about the future.

My 3 ds span the range - ds1 18, ASD but intelligent, has friends, went to MS school no worries about him living independently etc.

DS2 16, severe LD and ASD, goes to a special school is happy and made so much progress behaviourally from the toddler years. He won’t ever live independently but we still hope we can find good supported living for him after he completes school.

DS3 12, ASD and ADHD, special school, struggles academically but will hopefully go on to live independently. He’d like to work with Cars or barbering - something with his hands. He is my most social child and full of fun and zest for life.

They are so different to each other but each has hopes and dreams for their future which they will achieve I’m sure.

Definitely push for a place at a SS - I have experienced four and so far they have been great and enabled my boys to achieve so much.

Regarding EHCP: absolutely apply now, but it’s not always a slog.

Both my boys got theirs with zero issue. It depends on lots of factors but my experience is that a child with significant needs at 3 is likely to get their EHCP with relative ease.

Obviously there are lots of factors and where you live and the local authority matter but it isn’t definitely going to be a slog.

It was clear mine had some sort of SEN by about a year old, speech and language impairments, rigid thinking, sensory issues. He managed at a very small and nurturing primary school with support (easier to get in those days I suspect) but I applied for an EHCP in year 5 and he went to a special school for secondary. He struggled a bit academically but got 6 GCSEs including English and maths, and took off in 6th form, getting excellent grades. Went to a small uni to take a vocational degree, lived away for 3 years (graduated recently), has had several part time jobs, self employed work, volunteering roles, has passed his driving test, plays team sport and has a decent social life. He is well on his way to his chosen career. But still needs a lot of support from me, although we are actively working towards independence.