AIBU to feel overwhelmed when my partner keeps going out after having a baby?

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Me and my partner had our DS 9 weeks ago. We’re engaged to be married. We’re both in our early 30s. DS is the best thing to ever happen to me, to say I’m besotted with him is an understatement but I’m starting to feel overwhelmed.

My partner is part of a bowling team that plays torments so he is out of the house one evening a week for practice from around 5pm to 11pm. The word cup is on, so currently every time England plays he is out of the house at the pub watching England and stays at his friends house over night (due to drinking). He, of course, is working Monday - Friday in the day so some days I’ve been caring for our DS all day, then he’ll toddles on out all evening to do his hobbies, on the flip side when he finishes work and he stays home I ask him to do a feed or a nappy and he groans and says he’s tired from working all day. He does do it, but I have to ask. I had a much needed relaxing bath the other day which had to be cut short because DS wouldn’t stop crying for me and he couldn’t cope with his crying.

I am so disappointed because this isn’t the person I thought I was going to be marrying and I certainly wouldn’t have had a baby with him if I knew I’d feel so alone after having our much wanted baby. I spent another night last night alone all night, it’s coming on midday and he still isn’t home because he decided to do a car boot, another one of his hobbies.

I think I know what the answer may be, I’m just here to vent.

This is sadly the absolute truth.

This is how you get to do just about everything by being better. He can't cope because he doesn't do enough of it, the baby doesn't know him. Give the baby to him and go out for half an hour. He needs to practice being a dad.

He sounds like a bad husband and a pretty useless father. OP might as well be a single parent.

So he's too tired after working all day to look after his own child whilst you have a bath, but fully capable of going out & enjoying himself?
He needs some strong words. Selfish git.

Constant changes in hormone levels for women during pregnancy and not men = biology.

I didn't mention expectations. Of course they should pull their weight. That goes without saying.

But my point is that without having carried someone inside, you dont have the same hormonal attachment initially.

Sorry this is not normal at all. It might be “normal” for you because your husband sounds bloody useless, selfish and lazy 15 years into parenting. But suggesting OP just accepts this shitty behaviour because you’ve put up with it for all these years is terrible advice.

Men are EQUAL PARTNERS. They help to make the babies and they are 50% responsible for raising them. It is absolutely not normal or acceptable for a man with a 9 week old to be going out multiple times a week and then moaning when asked to change a nappy or look after his own son.

I reiterate: he does not sound abusive. She should have have a frank conversation and give him the chance to pull his socks up first.

Suggesting single motherhood as a first option is absolutely ridiculous.

He's not doing nothing anyway. He's earning money for the family.

Or, you and the OP have selfish partners