Calling the police to check on a crying baby

[summermumma2021]

Just had to call the police to check on a new neighbours baby. What would
you have done in this situation?
New neighbours live down our road around 100m away from us and could hear loud very distressed crying for over half an hour.

It sounded like a newborn or young baby crying and so I assumed they’d settle or some attempt to comfort them would be made but the crying stayed at the same level for ther period time. I could also hear raised voices and car doors slamming and I asked my husband if he’d heard it too (he was downstairs) and he said yeah he was worried as well.

Anyway in hoping it was nothing and the little one is fine but it just didn’t sit right and it sounded like no attempt to comfort them was being made at all.

i have no idea who the new neighbours are as it’s quite far from our bit of the road but for it to be that loud from this distance didn’t seem right. I have also had three colicky babies so I do know babies can cry for periods of time but as I said it sounded like no attempt to help them was being made.

Anyway police treating it as a priority case and checking things out. Just wanted to share really as worried.

My baby had awful colic from 4-12 weeks old, she would scream constantly from 5pm for at least 5 hours straight, absolutely nothing we could do would settle her so it would have sounded from the outside that we weren’t trying to comfort her but we would be desperately walking her around, cuddling her, bath time etc. My neighbours would have heard her a bloody mile away I’m sure.

Would it have made me emotional with postnatal hormones if someone called the police- yes. But equally I’d have totally understood and rather me be embarrassed for disturbing people and wasting police time than another child slip through the net that had genuine safeguarding concerns.

One of my ds suffers with his tonsils and is inconsolable when he has a bad bout. No amount of comforting can settle him. Neighbours are aware.

I think you have massively overstepped the mark here. This will probably trigger a SS referral for the parents. If you live 100m away, how would you hear the parents consoling the baby? You’ve just assumed they haven’t been consoling them.

If I was the neighbour, I would never forgive you after this.

This post is absolutely insane. Calling the police about a baby crying for half an hour, and some doors slamming? I can’t see any more happening than that. My kids will scream for at least that amount of time as if they are being tortured because we’ve brushed their teeth or put on pyjamas. Bedtimes sometimes get fraught. Sometimes they wake up in the night and cry and can’t be soothed. And quite obviously you couldn’t possibly hear an adult attempting to soothe a child as by definition soothing noises tend to be a fair bit quieter than screaming. And maybe they were actually sleep training them - that’s also perfectly possible. And that’s not a police incident.

I have thought on numerous occasions people must hear our kids cry and what they must think but fortunately most people understand that kids cry, sometimes loudly and sometimes for ages. I’m not saying people shouldn’t look out for or listen out for kids, obviously if something sounds wrong then reach out to authorities, but that is not at all likely from what has been described. It’s so wildly disproportionate. Unless there’s more that has not been included in this post I cannot fathom what is wrong with people to think this is normal or reasonable.

I think based on recent news stories regarding young children not being cared for I can understand why you wanted to check.

The only thing I would hope is that if it is simply a case of a hot and bothered colicky baby the parents now don't feel embarrassed and anxious and this impacts their mental health further if they are already stressed. My son had reflux and a milk allergy as a baby and would often be in distress, my own mental health also suffered as a result of this. If someone called the police on me then this would have made me even more stressed and tearful, thinking I was a rubbish parent.
Hopefully the police can pinpoint support (although I found the HV I had awful and again added to my own negative feelings) so sometimes 'help' can be viewed negatively.

I think also because it's so hot this week more people are leaving windows/doors open so more sounds are heard - we have a family with a baby on our street and I am sure they are often out driving around to get them to sleep as I have heard car door 'slamming' sounds (it's not, it's just what the door sounds like closing) along with a crying baby (and sometimes a toddler too who maybe crying as they have been disturbed by the baby or maybe even just joining in for attention).

Honestly, some of the replies on here are bordering insane. Of course you were right to call the police OP, and so were the others who called. Well done to you all, more people like you are needed. I work in safeguarding, your instinct is there for a reason.

I don’t know what to make of this, do you mean that social workers cannot stress about their kids appearing distressed or do you think SW should just ignore prolonged crying?

I think you’ve done the right thing.
An ex colleague of mine has PTSD for not reporting a family member and after her cautionary tale I’d always err on the side of caution. Newborns are so vulnerable as are new mothers. Safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility x

Ex Police who worked in children safeguarding - absolutely did the right thing, OP.

Best case and it’s nothing then no harm done apart from the parents getting upset. Potentially opens the door to them for support as well if needed.

Everytime there is a case like Baby P or Star or the thousands of others, everyone wrings their hands and says why didn’t anyone do something? Why didn’t neighbours phone the police?

Then someone does ring the police and many people are attacking her for it?!

It may be a one off. It may not.

*A baby was crying an unusual cry for a prolonged length of time.

*There were raised voices.

*There was the slamming of doors.

*You don’t know these people as they are new to the street.

*You called the police who have sent officers around.

Safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility (and that’s for the young, elderly and vulnerable).

Anything could have been happening and it’s better to be brandished a nosy neighbour than for a child to be killed. It may sound extreme but child neglect/abuse happens. It may also have been domestic abuse.

Another one chiming in to say you've done the right thing. We need more people like you and less of the 'not getting involved' brigade.

I can empathise with both sides here.

It’s good that neighbours are looking out for eachother.

On the other hand, if the police had turned up at my door last year when my DD had obstructive sleep apnea and i was suicidal from pure exhaustion from over a year of extreme sleep deprivation, it definitely would have sent me over the edge.

Hope the family is ok.

OP it's a tough one, but you know if the news this morning had reports of a harmed baby you'd regret having not called. And also the general public would be asking why the neighbours didn't do anything, can't win sometimes 🤷‍♀️

This . I lost track of the number of times DS cried inconsolably for over an hour whilst I was holding him, walking him him, trying to breast feed him. And yes sometimes he was in the cot while I was in another room getting a few minutes respite.

On one memorable occasion, when he was a toddler ( under 2 but no longer a small baby) his crying was truly ear splitting so I took him to the doctor, who was also concerned. The wait in the waiting room was short ( mercifully for everyone else in there) The doctor. couldn't find anything wrong, exactly, though DS seemed to be in some pain related to passing urine so he prescribed antibiotics and more calpol ( which I'd already given) and said to come back the next morning if he didn't seem better and gave me symptoms to watch for that meant DS should go to A&E as an emergency. None of which he had at that moment or developed luckily

He cried from mid afternoon until around 10pm pretty much non stop, truly ear splitting screaming cries as if he were being hurt. The first 2 hours of this were at home while I waited for a 111 callback and a doctors appointment, the rest was in the car, the doctors waiting room and the pharmacy and again at home. This was then followed by intermittent crying until the early hours, equally loud but less constant while I held him.

DH and I had some strained disagreements and words during this as it was incredibly stressful. Eventually it stopped, DS finished the antibiotics over the nex few days and seemed fine again. I never found out what it was but it is a sharp memory from his childhood 21 years later

I am not saying you are wrong to call the police op but hopefully it is not needed. Children can cry inconsolably even when being consoled

This. The weather has been incredibly hot this week a baby could easily cry for 30mins in their mums arms purely because they are too hot and cant get to sleep?!! Im a bit surprised you called the police tbh. Babies cry, they are known for it. Sometimes you've fed them, changed them, soothed them, and they still continue to cry it can be all sorts, wind, colic, its too warm, the sound of the hoover upset them, they are teething etc.

Wow it’s a heat wave and babies are going to be uncomfortable and cry and yes parents will be a bit fractious and sleep deprived. When I had my twins I’d have hated living near busy bodies like you all - one twin in particular would scream and scream

great that there are some holier than though smug parents whose babies never cried how great for you that you never got frustrated from noise and lack of sleep that you’ve never slammed a door 🙄

OP didn't call the police because of just the baby crying and one slammed door though, don't make it something it wasn't. If there was slamming doors repeatedly AND raised voices ongoing AND a baby crying ongoing it may sound like there's something concerning going on, which is subjective unfortunately. But if OP was genuinely concerned it sounded like there could be something untoward then phoning the police is the correct safeguarding step. If abuse is occurring, someone untrained in assessing/dealing with abuse knocking the door to 'check in' won't help much.

Surely if we say better safe than sorry, we should call the police every day on our neighbours with children? I mean what if everything is quiet? How do we know the child isn't too terrified to make noise? Surely the police should check every home with every child every day...I mean a crying child could mean abuse but equally a silent child could mean abuse?

Now I'm not saying we shouldn't call for help if we are concerned...but how far do we take it?

And fwiw half an hour of crying sounds totally plausible if a baby has colic.

Safeguarding wise, you can never be too careful. Lots of things have gone wrong in the past for children when everyone thought someone else would do something.

I think sometimes people know when something just doesn’t sound right. Better to err on the side of caution. In some ways, the neighbour should be pleased that people are potentially looking out for her child even if it turns out to be nothing. Very hard to see it that way at the time though.

A child's natural reaction to being hurt or abused will be to cry, being silent when hurt is a learned reaction, so perhaps if someone had been more concerned when that child was crying sometime far before, they wouldn't need checking up on due to being too terrified to make noise. We can all be snarky, doesn't help keep people safe. And a baby having colic doesn't involve multiple slamming of doors and raising of voices, you need to take the whole situation into account. HTH.

They would have heard car doors slamming as we used to take her in the car 2 or 3 times a night as that seemed to sooth her. They would have also heard the foo fighters being played as that also got her off to sleep (discovered this completely by chance as we were at the end of our tether with sleep exhaustion and did it while she was crying on our shoulder and she instantly went to sleep).

And in this case if there are no issues and the baby is just crying loudly, then the police won’t take any further action.

The OP has 3 children so I think she knows when a baby's cry is off. No attempt to calm him. Having said that some parents do let their babies cry as a "go to sleep method". I find it bloody cruel.

Because we all know police and social services never make mistakes

You did the right thing OP and I wish more people were like you.

Children's welfare should always come first and it is better for the police to attend and find that everything is OK rather than risk a child being harmed by not doing anything.

Anybody who criticises you for doing this is deranged as far as I am concerned.