NC for this. I’m really struggling with something that happened at work and would appreciate some outside perspectives. For reference both very much single. Not the kind of people to go for hookups or casual relationships etc.
Over the past few months, I became very close to a manager in my department (he isn’t my direct line manager, but he is a team manager). We texted every day, talked constantly, and became genuine friends. There also seemed to be some mutual chemistry. We have hung out together outside of work and held hands a few times, so I felt like I wasn’t imagining that there was something more than friendship.
Last Sunday we went to the theatre together, just the two of us - we had a lovely time. We’ve been to the theatre before, as well as drinks and lunch outside of work.
On Monday I made a joke about him being the big boss’s favourite and having a close working relationship with them.
Afterwards, he texted me saying, “You need to stop with this. Line crossed.”
Since then everything has changed. The daily texting stopped immediately and when I saw him at work he was polite but completely professional with me. What made it even harder was seeing him laughing and joking with our other colleagues as normal while keeping me at arm’s length. It made the contrast impossible to ignore.
I’m now off work for three weeks on holiday. Last week he asked me to bring him something back. But now he’s said he doesn’t want me to and instead of feeling excited, I just feel empty. I’m used to talking to him every day and suddenly there’s nothing. It feels like I’ve lost someone important.
The hardest part is that it’s made me question everything. If someone can switch off so suddenly, was there ever really anything there to begin with? Or has he simply decided that whatever was developing between us isn’t appropriate because of work?
Has anyone else experienced something like this? Does it sound like someone consciously resetting the relationship because the boundaries had become blurred?
I’m not looking for false hope—I know I need to respect whatever boundary he’s set. I just can’t stop feeling sad about how quickly everything changed and I’m finding it hard not to question whether what I thought we had was ever real in the first place…