Scared for my mum - breast clinic appointment

[colourdream]

Posting in here as I feel the Cancer threads don’t get as many responses, and I am desperate to speak to people.

my lovely mum has an appointment at the breast clinic tomorrow and I’m terrified. I want to go with her but my partner can’t get out of work and I have no one else to look after our two kids. My dad and her best friend are going with her.

she found a lump 2 weeks ago on one of her breasts, she found it because she lifted up her arm to close the car boot and her breast was hurting. She had a feel around her breast and found a lump. The day after, she couldn’t find the lump and the pain had gone. She went to the gp who found the lump straight away, and did an urgent referral as she didn’t like the feel of the lump and was concerned about the history of breast cancer in our family (my mums sister had it, and three of my mums auntie)

tomorrows my mums appointment and I haven’t been able to function at all today. My mum was in pain again yesterday - she now thinks the pain is coming from her ribs and not the lump. Of course my mind is in absolute overdrive

she is a lovely mum to me and a devoted grandparent to my two children. We see her nearly every day. I am dreading tomorrow and what kind of phone call I’m going to get off her :(

please can I hear of your experiences? I want to be realistic

You asked for realism.

In the UK and many other developed nations, nearly 1 in 2 people will be diagnosed with some form of cancer at some point in their lifetime.

I hope your mum is going to be okay. It’s awful not knowing.

Thank you for your reply - I know the odds probably in our favour. Especially with our family history. I started really panicking when she said her ribs were hurting - it’s making me think she has breast cancer but it’s spreading to her bones

@colourdream The waiting and not knowing is so stressful. How old is your mum?

My mum had breast cancer twice. It was scary, but it was caught early both times, and she had many, many cancer free years.
Try not to get ahead of yourself before you have all the facts.

She is 63. I honestly cant tell you awful the waiting has been. I have barely slept - I was sat downstairs most of the night and my partner actually came to sit with me and try calm me down. I am an anxious person anyway but this is killing me

@FeliciaFancybottom That’s lovely to hear!!

Sorry to read you as a family are going through such a worrying time. In my experience as an oncology nurse she will likely have an ultrasound to have a look at the area and it will be biopsied - if this hasn’t happened yet you likely won’t get any kind of diagnosis tomorrow.
Lots of patients feel that the period you are in now is the worst time as you just feel like sitting ducks and actually once there is a diagnosis and a clear plan things feel a little lighter.
Try and hold your nerve, you don’t have any information yet and there are so many lumps that aren’t cancerous - the GP has done the routine thing by referring your mum to the breast clinic. If your mums friend can take some notes that will be beneficial for you all - there will probably be a specialist nurse present - utilise them if you have questions afterwards, they won’t mind you contacting them.
Sending you love and strength xx

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m glad you have a supportive partner. ❤️

You love your mum to bits - can hear it in your post. So of course you are worried.

but she is seeing someone tomorrow and hopefully good or bad you will all know soon.

whatever it is or it isn’t you hang on in there and support her.

not knowing is the worse bit - all the ‘what ifs’ are terrifying - once you do know - you can face it head on and make a plan.

Wishing you both all the best .

I’m sorry to hear you went though all this with your mum. But it’s nice to read she had lots of cancer free years ❤️

Take a step back and don't assume the worst.

Cancer is a scary word. If it is diagnosed as such, it iw likely nowhere near as bad as you fear. My mother had Stage 3b breast cancer aged 39 that was spreading rapidly across the breast. She's still here and just turned 70. Treatments improve every year.
I had Gynae cancer, stage 2 at 40 and now several years in remission.
If you need to talk, Macmillan can offer support to you or your local Maggie's. It's not just for the patient.

Thanks so much for this reply. She has been told that tomorrow she will see a few different people and will have an ultrasound and mammogram … I was under the impression she would be told if it was cancerous or not by the end of the appointment - is this not the case?

I've had 2 lumps, one was painful, one not. Both resulted in quick referral to the breast clinic from the GP, and ultrasound. Neither were cancer. One was a cyst, the other was 'yeah you've just got lumpy boobs'

The recovery rates for breast cancer are very high.

I really do love her to pieces - but more so my children really really love her. She dotes on them entirely. She prioritises them above all else. Them losing such an important person in their life is a heart ache I can’t face

1 in 10 women referred to breast cancer clinics have breast cancer. Really hope your mum is one of the 9 in 10 who hasn’t.

The investigation/ diagnosis process is very hard on everyone.

Most breast lumps are benign. There are lots of things it could be which aren’t cancer. If it’s not benign it doesn’t necessarily mean mastectomy, chemo etc, particularly in older women. For some types of cancer they will “just” remove the lump and do some radiotherapy, for example.

And if it does mean the full works of treatment it’s still not usually a death sentence. But I know it’s hard not to panic.

Be prepared that your mum might not get a diagnosis or clear answer tomorrow and almost certainly won’t get a treatment plan.

My friend has had breast cancer twice. She's 61 and currently in fine health and holidaying in Sri Lanka!

All the best to your family and your mum.

Breast cancer has an 84% 10 year survival rate OP. Even if the news today is bad, statistically the odds of a good outcome are very much in her favour.

I don't want to give you false hope, but my breast lump turned out to benign and they didn't even remove it. I just have to mention it when I go for my routine mammograms. I had been on a 2 week wait and was terrified. At my hospital you were seen assessed, had an ultrasound and a biopsy all on the same day, and were told the result later in the day. The waiting around was awful but at least I had the answer quickly. Best of luck to your mum for tomorrow. Hugs for you xx

Breast cancer survivor here. I had an aggressive cancer aged 43. My kids were 6 and 4.

I am 6 years clear now. Please don’t assume every cancer diagnosis has bad outcomes. it doesn’t work that way. It’s very treatable.

I hope she’s ok.

As others have said- the waiting is awful. The fear and the not knowing.

My Mum had breast cancer, had surgery and radiation therapy and had many cancer-free years after that. Some time later she got a completely different cancer which didn’t pan out so well but it was entirely unrelated to her breast cancer. The sad fact is that cancer is very common. Obviously I hope your mum hasn’t got cancer; or if she has that it will be treatable. I’m so sorry you have this awful wait and I hope you have some real life support while you wait- perhaps from your DH or friends.

Can I suggest that you try not to Google too much or at all as it is rarely helpful when you’re at the stage you are now (ie completely in the dark). I’m rooting for your Mum. 💐

My 82 year old mum has had breast cancer 3 times, once in her 60s and twice in her 70s. The first time they removed the lump and no further treatment asw it was so early (DCIS? I think) The 2nd and 3rd times she had radiotherapy and tamoxifen. All fine. In December 2024 she was diagnosed with throay, tongue and tonsil cancer, 2 long surgeries and a neck dissection and the cancer is gone but shes on 3 monthly check ups for 2 years but it has a high recurrence rate. Honestly the word cancer is terrifying but the treatment nowadays is incredible.My grandmother lived 20 plus yeats after breast cancer in the 1980s. Ive had 2 lumps - both benign. I onderstand your worry and send my best wishes for a positive outcome but even if it is cancer there is so much excellent treatment for it.

You are letting your brain race ahead unnecessarily. You need to get a grip on your anxiety. Take it one step at a time. The appointment is tomorrow which is very soon, and then you will know what you are dealing with. Until then, stop thinking about all the possible outcomes as you will drive yourself mad.

Take it from someone who has been there, you will make yourself ill if you don't get a grip on yourself and you are no use to your mum if you are a frothing mess of anxiety.

I went to breast clinic while OH looked after our preschoolers. Examined by doctor, then ultrasound where they said “it’s abnormal” and sent a biopsy. 3 weeks later appointment with surgeon: cancer. 3C. That night I googled my chances and then promptly denied myself access to the internet after 8pm ever again. The treatment felt the easy part after that biopsy wait. I meditated my way through 3 weeks.