Scared for my mum - breast clinic appointment

[colourdream]

Posting in here as I feel the Cancer threads don’t get as many responses, and I am desperate to speak to people.

my lovely mum has an appointment at the breast clinic tomorrow and I’m terrified. I want to go with her but my partner can’t get out of work and I have no one else to look after our two kids. My dad and her best friend are going with her.

she found a lump 2 weeks ago on one of her breasts, she found it because she lifted up her arm to close the car boot and her breast was hurting. She had a feel around her breast and found a lump. The day after, she couldn’t find the lump and the pain had gone. She went to the gp who found the lump straight away, and did an urgent referral as she didn’t like the feel of the lump and was concerned about the history of breast cancer in our family (my mums sister had it, and three of my mums auntie)

tomorrows my mums appointment and I haven’t been able to function at all today. My mum was in pain again yesterday - she now thinks the pain is coming from her ribs and not the lump. Of course my mind is in absolute overdrive

she is a lovely mum to me and a devoted grandparent to my two children. We see her nearly every day. I am dreading tomorrow and what kind of phone call I’m going to get off her :(

please can I hear of your experiences? I want to be realistic

Sorry - I don’t know how to reply to a post! 😂
From my experience they may be able to say whether it’s cancerous or not but you won’t have a formal diagnosis in terms of staging and and what treatment would be etc as that’s information they would get from a biopsy. What I will say is breast cancer is so well researched and there are so many different treatments. The pathways are also really clear with breast cancer so if that is the diagnosis things will move quickly x

OP, whatever the results of the investigations, the chances of you losing your Mum anytime soon are really low. This waiting is the worst bit. Good luck xx

I was diagnosed with BC just over a year ago, had chemotherapy then surgery, followed by radiotherapy just before Christmas. I’m now on hormone therapy for the next 10 years, but have otherwise made a full recovery and feel absolutely fine now (long may it continue). I’m 38, and have a 7yo DC.

Try not to get ahead of yourself, and just focus on being there for whatever your mum needs as she needs it, if it comes to that. As others have said though, most lumps that are investigated are totally benign. If they suspect it to be malignant, they’ll take a biopsy to confirm, so she won’t get the results of that the same day, but in my experience, the Dr will be honest if they suspect the result is going to go a particular way.

I had 6 lumps checked in my 20s and 30s. Only one was cancerous and that was 8 years ago.

The treatment I received was/ is excellent (I'm still on yearly mammograms due to my age at diagnosis).

The waiting is the worst bit.

Another breast cancer survivor here. Diagnosed in June 2021 bang in the midst of Covid. I had the works, surgery, chemo, radiotherapy and then a year of injections. Now on tablets to reduce oestrogen production and honestly living a great life. I'm 57.

I know you are extremely worried about your mum but she is in amazing hands. Whatever the outcome she will get whatever treatment is needed.

Ive been through this myself. It's very understandable that you are worried, but there's every likelihood there will be a good outcome. I was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 years ago. I had to have a double mastectomy but the tumours were completely removed by the surgery and I didn't need to have chemo or radiotherapy. Now I just have oestrogen blocker medication that has been found to be very effective in preventing recurrence of the cancer. Most breast clinic patients are found not to have cancer, and the vast majority of cases with cancer (including me !) have a good outcome after treatment. Your mums investigations may well find the lump is not cancer, but even if cancer is diagnosed there are wide range of effective treatment options available.

If the tests show she definitely doesn't have cancer, they will tell her there and then. If the tests (mammogram and ultra sound) are inconclusive, they will need to do a biopsy. They will try to do that in the sane appointment if they can fit it in. Biopsies need to be tested and this can take 7 to 14 days (that was what I was quoted, it might be different in different Trusts) so you will have to wait. If she does need a biopsy, that doesn't necessarily mean she has cancer, it just means that imaging isn't quite good enough. I had mammo/ultra sound and then a biopsy all on the same day and got my results back just under 2 weeks later. It turns out I just have lumpy boobs (a couple of cysts and a fibroadenoma) all benign. I also have really clear family history of breast cancer, much more than your mum. Don't let that worry you. Don't panic if she needs Biopsies, it just means they're making absolutely sure.

You referred to it as an 'urgent' referral. I wonder if they should change the wording of that. All breast lump investigations are referred to as 'urgent'. It doesn't mean they think your mum's lump needs extra special urgent care, that's just what they call it. I do think the word 'urgent' creates even more fear.

As others have said, the chances of it being cancer are low and, even if it is, treatment is brilliant these days. Not just in terms of saving lives but also in making the treatment a million times more bearable than it used to be.

This period of the unknown is horrible, even though the odds are very good. Take care of yourself as well as your mum. And fingers crossed all is well.

It is likely that they will do a biopsy if lump appears suspicious on scan.

I had an examination, mammogram and biopsy all on the same afternoon and told there and then to stop taking my HRT and that they were 90% sure my lump was cancerous.

It was confirmed two weeks later by the consultant .

Thank you everyone for your messages of reassurance and for sharing your experiences.
i actually managed some sleep last night after a long chat with my partner - me worrying and being worked up won’t change the outcome today.
I will be sure to update you all tonight x

I agree with pps. My referral was classed as urgent 2ww. All clear after ultrasound and mammogram

Please let us know how she gets on.

I'm sorry, this reaction isn't normal.

Do you suffer from anxiety, depression??

Why is it not normal to be worried about your Mums health?

Worried yes, terrified, not sleeping, getting worked up, no sorry, that isn't normal.

Of course it is normal, normal covers a vast range of reactions to any threat to those we love & care about.

For you. Its not normal for you. It obviously IS normal for @colourdream. And she's not you.

If that is normal behaviour for the OP, then she needs help.

So sorry you're having to worry about this, OP, and sending best wishes to you and your lovely mum. I don't know if this will help, but I have fully imagined or magnified all sorts of pain in the past when worrying about stuff. It's a real phenomenon. I don't want to sound dismissive, in case it turns out not to be the news you're hoping for, but worrying about where exactly the pain is coming from is the kind of thing that happens when I have lost my perspective through anxiety but don't realise it. The pain disappears once I'm reassured and no longer concentrating on the area. This might possibly be the case for your mum? I have had various lumps and breast pain before, all good. It is so common and keep in mind that the reassuring NHS figures about the large proportion of people who have a breast cancer scare but come away without a diagnosis are likely conservative, because there will be lots of people who find a lump, wait a week before seeing a GP, and then find it's totally disappeared. So the odds may be even better.

Disclaimer: I am not at all suggesting people shouldn't go to the GP as soon as they find a lump - of course they should.

Hope everything goes well today OP and that you receive reassuring news very soon x

As mentioned above, cancer is completely normal - 50% of us will have it at some point. She also doesn't need 3 people going with her!
If there is an unwelcome diagnosis, then all the systems will crank into gear and it is just a question of slogging through the process. A friend of mine recently had breast cancer and coped with it by a combination of black humour and a stiff upper lip.... not easy, especially as she had other major and difficult life events going on simultaneously.
I see the job of family and friends to be to listen, but also not to make everything about the person's diagnosis - still have fun, in other words. Resilience is the key.

@colourdream wishing luck for your DM today.

She should be told by the end of the appointment. It is like a one stop shop mamagram and ultrasound they look at the results straight away. If cancer is suspected they will take a biopsy there and then but will have results in a week. I was told on the day that it was probably was cancer. That was in 2011 and have been fine since after treatment.

Honestly? I had breast cancer last year. Surgery, chemo and radiotherapy. All quite manageable. Also felt I got a disproportionate amount of support compared to many other conditions.

Hope today goes well for your DM. I’m glad she has support with her. Although I wasn’t formally diagnosed at the initial breast clinic appointment, it was made pretty clear to me it was likely to be cancer.

FWIW, I went alone to my clinic appointment and indeed most of the others (unless I was getting a lift) as DH was working and looking after our DS. I used to get quite irritated by people bringing a cast of thousands to appointments, taking up seats in the waiting areas and sort of dominating the space. Also made me feel more alone (and ruined my peace when I was trying to read/do a crossword etc while waiting!)

while I agree with everything in your post you must recognise that others don’t share it.
I sailed through the whole thing relatively unscathed and like you I didn’t feel I needed anyone there with me most of the time.
But others do. It’s a terrifying experience.
also agree whole heartedly that BC is one of the most, if not the most, supported cancers you can get.
I felt a little bit of a fraud compared to others I know who have sadly experienced other cancers.
Everyones journey is their own to handle in their own way