Hi everyone,
im just looking for some advice on whether my partner has a drinking problem or whether my own issues are causing me to feel this way.
for context, i suffered abuse in the family home due to alcoholism. It has troubled me for many years and as a result leaves me incredibly anxious around drinking/drunk people.
My partner doesn’t drink much at home, unless we have say a glass of wine with dinner. I do drink occasionally (like once or two) so stuff like this is obviously fine.
When he goes to the pub he can’t seem to just have just one drink, it’s always a few. I struggle to wrap my head around why he can’t just have one or two, but I acknowledge that I view drinking very differently.
equally if we go out for a meal he always has an alcoholic drink. He says he doesn’t really like soft drinks so prefers a beer etc.
He will sometimes go out for a proper night out with some friends. When he comes back he’s obviously quite drunk, generally giddy and silly. He’s never once been nasty or threatening etc, however my anxieties tell me that he could be once he’s drunk.
I’d say on average he goes out to the pub with mates between 1-2 times a week, but sometimes there are weeks where he doesn’t go at all. The proper nights out are maybe every other month ish.
Whenever he’s at the pub I’m plagued with anxiety of how he’ll be when he comes home. When he does come home I’m on the edge of my seat all night out of fear of a “kick off” (as that’s what used to happen when I was younger).
he’s generally so kind and caring and in all other ways is my perfect person. We get on really well otherwise, but I’m struggling with this. We have discussed it a few times but I think he struggles to understand and rationalise how I feel.
im just wondering if anyone has any views on whether he’s being unreasonable with his drinking, or if this is truly my problem?
for anyone who would mention therapy, I’d love to have some. I hate feeling this way more than anything. I had CBT on the NHS that involved “picturing the worst possible thing that could happen so it doesn’t seem scary” which was incredibly unhelpful. I can’t afford to pay for a private therapist at the moment.
please don’t share this to Facebook as it’s very outing!