To think I’d hate being without kids every other weekend in case of divorce

[wonderingabtftr]

My husband has made a few threats in arguments lately that he would leave and my biggest concern is that I think I would miss the kids insanely if he was to have them even every other weekend or for a week in the school hols… I can’t imagine spending a day apart and the only time I’ve been without my oldest is a few nights when giving birth to my youngest (although in the daytime older DC visited me with newborn every day). I’ve never spent more than a few hours without my youngest.

for those that have been in a similar position, how did you adapt?

IME as soon as you've learnt to love it and have things to do on your weekend off, he'll decide that having them isn't convenient and stop.

I've had that situation for the last 10 years. I still hate it.

I think it is harder in some ways when they’re younger but is a lot about whether they’re happy and adjusted and settled. If they’re happy, I’m happy: it is horrible having to get them ready and pack them off when they’re not keen 😢 (mine are older), but overall I love the time without them and it’s lovely to have them back after a short break and feel refreshed as a parent. It also means that I’ve been able to start a new relationship and keep it separate from them.

I had both my kids full time and ended up taking on a lot of responsibility I didn't really want in the end - not them but a weekend off would of been nice. They both moved on and got to do what the liked. I stayed with the kids and felt my life hadn't gone anywhere.

I am very happily married but sometimes fantasise about having joint custody. Every other weekend and some school holiday weeks to myself sounds like bliss to me!

This! You need the time for yourself. It’s nothing like parenting as a couple

I split from my DDs dad before she was born and went for her first overnight at 6 weeks. It was hard but you adapt, and a very lovely midwife pointed out that she doesn’t just belong to me, she has 2 parents and I have to learn to share - it was harsh at the time but she was right. Plus I love my free time! Me and her DF now coparent incredibly well and he stays at my house if I need to work away etc. You get used to it very quickly. She’s now 10 and next month on her birthday we’ll spend the day together like always.

Lifes too short to be married to an idiot. Your children also need both parents.

It can be hard but your time with them is yours alone. I missed DC but needed the break too. When they get a bit older they become more independent

I can offer some perspective. My ex now has 7 days of overnight contact and then I have 7 days where DD is back home. I refuse to refer to it as shared care because the court made an order that she lives with me and spends time with him. In any case, the adjustment to having 7 full days without her was hard to begin with, especially as he's abusive and won't allow her to speak to or about me during her time with him. Dd knows she can freely speak about him at home and call him if she misses him (she never does).. slowly, I began to adapt, I got a second job which I do in my child free time, I go out with my friends, I'm always invited on days out (9 times out of 10 I decline as it doesn't feel right without DD but I appreciate my friends including me), I'm a big presence at her school and attend everything so I am lucky enough to see her some weeks when she's with her dad. It's getting easier now she's nearly 8. We have such a lovely, close bond and she always cries leaving on a Friday, I just reassure her it'll be ok and I'll be there to pick up next Friday.
Like you, I never spent a day apart from her. I found therapy useful, I did a lot of it and then finally plucked up the courage to ask my GP for a mild dose of antidepressants, I can honestly say it's helped no end. I just get on with it now and focus on making my time with DD as fulfilling as possible.

I’m sorry but separating a 6w old newborn from their mum is shocking. Puppies don’t get taken from their mums this early.
I’m sorry this happened to you it must have been so hard.