AIBU to think DH’s illness is just sun and a hangover?

[Toomuchfuninthesun]

Name changed for this as could be outing.

I am frustrated with DH and I think he thinks IABU for not being more sympathetic. He has been away for two nights returning today from a trip with FIL. We have a holiday home in UK and they had a bit of a boys trip - enjoying sunshine, world cup footie on the TV and drinks.

I spoke with him yesterday, first he had called whilst he was away (though he was in regular text contact) and at 5pm it was clear he and FIL were absolutely rat arsed and had had too much sun. Like bright red faces, despite assurances they'd been using the kids factor 50. Anyway, I said carbs and water are your friends and told them they would feel better for an early night. Thought daft gits and nothing more.

My mum and dad helped with childcare for our 2dc whilst he was away (pick ups from school and watching until 7ish); they volunteered and we're happy to spend time with kids. 1 child AuDHD (high rate care and mobility/ blue badge for context) I did evening routine, bedtime, overnight and morning/ drop off with them.

I work FT, long hours often in very senior professional role which included some late night and early calls around the time he was away; non-issue, I knew this in advance. He came in today all fine whilst my parents and his FIL; even a little amorous when saying hello etc. had to politely decline and get back to work (I WFH permanently with extensive travel).

I come down early from work today to try and make most of sun with kids and him and he is now collapsed across the couch, telling me he thinks there's something seriously wrong and it could be linked to (minor routine) surgery he had in November last year. I give him dioralyte, sparkling water, paracetamol and say it's likely delayed hangover and too much sun. AIBU?

I mean, I'd think the same as you, but for the bit about it linking to last year's minor surgery. Only you know what that is and if his symptoms seem related. What makes him think it's serious, specifically?

As one of my old Consultants used to say to medical students, "Common things commonly occur," and, "you don't get much rocking horse shit in a nursery..." so, on balance with what you have told us, probably the mother of a hangover. Just keep up the fluids and tell him to try and get some sleep, preferably in the bedroom, away from you and the children.

He had his appendix out and it's next to his liver. He's got a temp and is sweaty... That's really bad if it's a swollen liver... He's googled. I tried to suggest that hot and sweaty was normal in UK at the moment and his worry was most likely hanxiety.

No you’re not unreasonable as such…but it’s a bit of a non-event, is it not, for such a detailed post?

So he got drunk with his dad in the sun and now feels a bit crap but denies it’s a hangover…🤷‍♀️

you seem to want to say that you were totally cool with all of this, but all the detail about your job and all the stuff you did seems to paint a different picture.

I don't think hangovers give you a temperature.

Heatstroke can, but that is serious too.

Is he normally anxious about his health? If not, I would be monitoring and ready to head to A and E.

I’m no medical expert, but I think it’s unlikely to be connected to an appendix operation seven months ago unless he has had some complications before. Keep getting him to hydrate and if he doesn’t feel better in a couple of days he should seek medical attention.

How high is his temp?

He’s probably just got a bug.

Perhaps you're right. I had no issue with the trip etc, that's normal for us to have time away individually but I have had a couple of challenging days both with work and with the kids which we would normally chat over.

I've not shared whilst he was away and now you've pointed it out he has no reason to know that he's not a mind reader. So I am probably more peeved than seems normal to him.

It's just a bit frustrating that I'm default parent again this evening after perhaps looking forward to us sharing the load more and he's now taken to bed after a cool shower to "rest"... Though is interestingly saying he may watch football later with a tea.

I would get it checked out and ring 111. No harm in that.

I suggested that but he says that's overreacting 🤷🏻‍♀️

So he doesn't want to be told to go & spend 6 hrs in a hot & uncomfortable A&E.
He wants tea & sympathy with peace & quiet to watch the football & have yet another evening of no parenting because of course you are there to do it all.

The appendix is nowhere near the liver.

Slightly warm to touch but no different to the children who have been out in the sun playing on the trampoline

He can be... More typically when he's hungover and anxious.

I do have sympathy as some of this comes from a cancer scare but he has all clear, had several CT scans in the last year and has the all clear on that front.

He can't have it both ways.

You're probably right. But then you could also be wrong. It is possible he's hungover and has severe heat stroke or something else serious. I guess you'll find out tomorrow.

Your OP included an extraordinary amount of completely irrelevant information.

Thank you for validating how I feel.

I have my period and feel rubbish and emotional and just thought I'd get a little acknowledgment of how things have been different for my week to his. Instead it seems nursing hangover takes priority.

He's gone to bed and I'm dealing with an overstimulated AuDHD child who isn't enjoying the heat and another child who wanted to play football with dad but is upset he's gone to bed.

Does he have a temperature when taken with a thermometer? I mean, we're all hot and sweaty at the moment, but if he's actually got a temperature, it's possible he's got heatstroke, which can be very serious. If that's the case, don't leave it, call 111 for further advice

His surgery was around 8 months ago and sounds like an uncomplicated appy so extremely unlikely it would be causing him to be hot and sweaty today. BTW, the liver is not right next to the appendix. Different quadrants.

This morning he was trying to get you to have sex.

What's his actual temp, not checking with your hand, that's not accurate. If he's still sweating, he's having water and electrolyte loss so he needs to really hydrate and suck down some electrolytes. He's likely quite dehydrated from a lot of alcohol and heat and he will be more vulnerable to heat related illness if dehydrated.

You can't be sure his symptoms aren't early signs of heat related illness like heat exhaustion so check his temp with a thermometer and make sure he really hydrates and get some electrolytes in him.

If he thinks there's something seriously wrong, why not call for medical help?
I'd been going to say he could have a cold/bug (we have had these even recently!) made worse by his behaviour, but if he thinks it's something linked to his surgery that's serious, he should see a doctor.

hayfever?

@budgiegirl @outerspacepotato @Pistachiocake @MandemChickenShop

Temp normal range on thermometer... He thought the battery needed replacing.

He has an infuriating tendency to put off any medical intervention for as long as possible (flip side I suppose that's good for minor things).

He is now back downstairs after a nap and feeling "a little bit better" 🙄

I agree with “he can’t have it both ways”

He can’t both “thing there’s something
seriously wrong” and think it’s OTT to call 111.

As pps have said, he just wants tea and sympathy and a free pass from pitching in in this heat. I mean I feel like I’m ill right now but I’m not, I’m just hot!

Sounds infuriating OP!

Does he have a wobbly shaking voice and a brave smile when he says it too? 🙄